uppsala

A summer fling is something that you could describe as some type of relationship that exists only within the confines of the summer; often ending at the end before going back to school. They are fun, and free feeling, and from what I’ve read quite enjoyable and fleeting. And so dear reader, if you’re expecting me to describe a summer fling I had in 2018, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but no such thing existed. I will, however, delve into an experience I had about 10 years ago in the summer of 2009.

I was visiting a friend in Uppsala and while staying with him I met someone out while dancing. He said something poignant to me that piqued my interest and caused me to contact him via Facebook. His name, was Jonas, and with that message began what I would consider to be a short summer fling. We agreed to meet a few days later, a Tuesday, at The Heated Man which may or may not still exist in Uppsala. It was a bench that was heated somehow that I do not remember. I accepted the invitation and we met.

It was during this meeting, which I suppose could be called a date, that we flirted and discussed many a thing. We progressed to hang out at the park, and then I was bid adieu. What followed was what I consider to be the only time, ever in my life, that I was pursued by another person. Jonas would show up at my friend’s dorm room looking for me, he wanted to take me out for a drink, and a bit drunk one night came over in full white tie to find me on a cot and proceeded to cuddle me for a little bit. I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t understand why this guy was into me, but I in my heart I loved it.

What followed was me going to visit a friend in Finland, and returning home, to still find him pursuing me. I was so flattered, I was so confused, I was so smitten that I simply didn’t know what to do other than to accept and show the same amount of interest. I didn’t know where he lived until one day that he walked me over, as we were out for a walk, and we had a chat as he was (if I remember correctly) moving out of that flat, or someone was moving. I remember being teased, in a good way, and feeling helpless at one point. I remember and to this day I can feel the intellectual connection that we shared.

And then summer ended and I went away, and left Sweden, unbeknownst to me not to return for another 9 years. What I left behind was something, to me so special and unique. What’s sad about it, is that 10 years later it hit me how important it was and how heartbroken I am over it. I never expected it to be this way, but it is to this day, the single only time that someone ever accepted me as I am, showed interest in a profound way, and pursued me.

It’s heartbreaking to think about it and wonder what has happened since, or rather what hasn’t happened since. What haven’t I done right over the last decade? What has been missing? What are my shortcomings, if any? I’m conflicted because I’ve lived my life trying to accept who I am, as I am, but this acceptance seems to completely contradict what others either see, or want.

As the memories and feelings grow more and more blurred and colourless, it leaves a thick clump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

I departed for Stockholm-Arlanda airport at approximately 6am Swedish time, for my 10am flight. I wanted to make sure that I was well within the timeframe for getting there, and with my connections and such it ended up all working okay. The flight I booked was via Chicago O’Hare to Buffalo, where my mother would come to fetch me, and take me back to Toronto. The airport was lovely and we waited in the North American lounge, with all the others, and since I was in a class above the normal coach, the flight was super comfortable and went off without a hitch. I watched films and slept as much as I could, and then waited at the airport for my conenction.

Arriving at Chicago resulted in culture shock, and the clear and obvious way that Americans are somewhat interestingly attractive, but at the same time grossly obese. I can see why though. They are allowed to buy so much for so little amount of money, and take all of their stuff on the plane, so more or less all the time they are pigging out. I noticed this while waiting at the stressful United Express concourse, for my flight. Nothing but paniced attendants, and people going to random little places in the North-East. I took some photos, was on my way while sharing a seating with a morbidly obese man in the first row. I wanted to shoot myself in the face, especially reflecting over the “standby” concepts that the Americans travel with, and see a connection with hijacking of planes, and allowing people without tickets through security.

Once I arrived in Buffalo, my mother was lost and since she neglects to have a mobile phone she couldn’t be contacted and it took her 1 hour to find me in a small airport. We got in the car and with the help of GPS made it back to the border where we waited at least 2 hours to get across the border. Truly horrible. The photos reflect this difference in time, and how horrible it is to just sit around and have nothing to do or say, while trying to get back home. We arrived home at 00.30, and I had to be up for 6am the next morning for my first day of work; how lovely.

Upon return to Arlanda and subsequently Uppsala, I had some things to do before the five day stint back to Canada via the United States. I had to visit Daniel, who had neglected to contact me or keep me updated on his plans, as well as party down with Carolina and Arash. First thing we did was, because of Arash’s horrible organisation and slobby nature, we had to clean his flat, and move his stuff out from his old flat into the new one. This meant dismantling his bed and putting it back up in the current flat. This was a fiasco, and I basically had to force him to do it. He took frequent cigerette breaks (ick) which delayed things, but then it started to rain and we needed to meet Carolina.

Because Carolina likes to get drunk and sit in the sun she forced us out into the dodgy at beast weather, where it rained and was windy and we sat, frozen, trying to pretend that it was summer. Who were we kidding? The most amount of sun we had was like 5 seconds of it, and people thought we were crazy, justly so. It was painful, but we returned back to the flat and Carolina helped redesign and make the space of Arash more homely, since clearly he has no style. We tried to go out that night, but it ended in being a dodgy karaoke bar with the white trash of Uppsala. I got hit on, left, and ran for the hills and grabbed some food before going back to Arash’s for some rest.

Sadly for the timing of my trip, my dear friend of many years, Daniel (who you will find featured throught this blog) and I finally got to gether to walk around and have a nice fika at a cute café in Linnégatan. We talked and gossiped about new things and before deciding to meet up in a few days with his friend Sussane, Daniel got suckered into donating 50:- to Greenpeace even after saying no. He’s easily persuaded, or just not firm enough it seems. The above photo is the first photographic evidence of our friendship, which is odd because we have met in Stockholm for the last few years and never managed to get some photos! The remaining time was spent making waffles for Uppland’s Nation, spending time with the English-hating Vera, Cecilia, and Alex, as well as dancing around on my own time and running into people at airports.

In the last few days of my time in Uppsala, I met up again with Jonas, against Arash’s dramatic wishes, and we spent a day laying in the sun and walking around Uppsala before he went up to Karlstad to visit some family. I took some photos of the buildings, and then went back to the downtown area for a Couchsurfing meeting, where I got to say hello to a few people that I had talked to on the internet, but not gotten to spend time with (because of exams and such). The huge “house party” that Arash was trying to throw turned out to be a flop, and the drama afterwards for the after-party / dancing was dramatic, because Arash gets into fights at the place we wanted to go, so we ended up going to a ridiculously expensive and cheesy Persian place. It was lame.

The remainder of the day and time was seeing random other sights before leaving, a few of which included Stadsparken, the Castle, the library, the Cathedral (which was dramatically modern to others in comparison), and spending lovely time in the sun with Daniel and Sussane, my new friend, despite it’s horrible heatwave that struck southern Sweden. The final days in Sweden were warm to say the least, with me getting some suntanning done, and spending as much time in the sun as I could, to the disdain of Arash who became jealous of me knowing people outside of his circle that he could control. The last night of our encounter involved going to Vera’s apartment, and spending a BBQ outside while playing beach-volleyball and having a cute girl chase after me, absolutly clueless of the status and anything about me. My accent was cute, that’s about it! The entire time whilst playing beach volleyball, people kept being so impressed with the fact that I could speak Swedish and that I was a good volleyball player, even though I was short. Go team me!

Excitement in the city of Uppsala continue, and after having met some hallmates of my friend Arash, we seemed to bond in some ways. I met someone, named Emil and we spent the afternoon laying in the sun, and we ran into a cultural festival. It was really exciting, as it’s a surprise for everyone. So after getting groped and having a nice fika at Norrlands Nation, I went back to the place and I chilled. I really have difficulties remembering what happened, but it was all good.

It all involved champagne, Mr. Happy making some sight-seeing and then eventually after remembering how important being beautiful is, Cecilia and I did face masks to make our skin nice and moisturised. This was followed by the most amazing badminton playing known to mankind, well at least at that moment in Uppsala. Cecilia had asked to go and have some fun doing that, and I said okay and we biked over. The air on my skin was a strange feeling, but once we got there we flirted a little bit with the guy at the desk, and got in without having to pay. I kicked some butt, and then let Mr. Happy play a little bit; it was fabulous! He’s a true star!

Knowing that in a few days I’d be off to Finland I pressed all of the effort of my soul into the world. What did this included? Well I helped with the waffle and pea soup night at Upplands Nation, and then the following evening I was in the kitchen helping out at Upplands party, and so I was a barman for the first time in my life too timid to do anything or learn how to make drinks. The subsequent days involved chatting with Arash’s friends, Vera, Daniel, et al., and meeting some lovely people like Jana, a German who speaks Swedish too, as well as some bitchy Stockholmers. All in all, it was a lovely time but I needed to get out, especially to find my friend in Finland!

I went out on my first night in Uppsala with my friend Arash, his friends that came too, that also were with me in Midsommafton a few years ago! Random, no kidding! Carolina, this lovely girl from the North (GO TEAM) was with us and we danced like fiends. What makes a disco or even a little bar in Sweden so much better than France? The music of course is fabulous, and I danced to Måns Zelmerlöw for the first time without being alone in my room!

So I met some other people there, and danced with what I think was a guy but apparently was a very butch lesbian (still unknown). One of Carolina’s friends, Jonas, was introduced to me in a kuffel and then we ended up talking later on. It turns out that what he said to me was very thought provoking, generous, flattering, and really kept my mind occupied for a few days.

He started out by asking about after parties and what I thought of them and what I liked in them. I answered honestly, saying that I didn’t know much about them and it’s been a long time since I was a student so I didn’t really know. He pressed on, and I still replied the same way, whilst feeling that he was sort of trying to convince me to organise something, of course I couldn’t cause I didn’t even know where I was for goodness sakes! In any case, something came up about intolerance, the DJ being horrible (although I protested) and then the fact that I’m sort of reserved and holding back. I laughed at this, and rebutted, which drew what he called to be the only genuine, and best smile of the night. I didn’t know what to say, except laugh and continue to dance. It kept me thinking though. I’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching, sing like nobody’s listening, and live my life each moment.

How can I manage this at all? I’m too controlled and reserved for such. I can’t stop thinking about what was said, it’s driving me crazy. So what do I do then? I did some stalking on Facebook and sent a message of thanks, and perhaps the option of meeting up later; yet to have a reply but in any case I did it… I’m so lame.