summer

So I’ve come to some very serious realisations in the recent days. I never realised how difficult it is to be me. I find myself constantly tired, constantly spending energy on things where I shouldn’t. What does this mean, and in what ways am I expending copious amounts of energy? Well for starters it feels like I’m forever fighting against something. Whether it be mentally or physically it’s always an uphill struggle for me in every way.

I’m not saying that others have it easier, but by the way it seems in my perception, a lot of people don’t seem to be constantly having a battle against others or with themselves. What does this say about me, in truth? I think it says a lot, but there isn’t really much that I can do about it. The insight that I’ve gained in the past days leads me to some interesting things to think about. What better than to isolate myself and think about them truly. But what’s the catch. As we are well aware, the more I isolate myself or be alone, the worse things get, and the more serious and drastic my thought process and physical manifestations become.

But seriously, all this constant fatigue is just bothering me. I can’t manage to have enough energy to do anything more than a sloth, and what does this do? It simply has a negative impact on the rest of my life and of my actions. I feel useless as if I can’t do anything, and it’s not like I’m starving myself as I’ve done in the past. I’m actually eating healthily, and I’m still tired after sleeping 8hrs in one evening. It’s just so exhausting having to haul my fat ass out of bed every morning to go into a job that I so clearly am unhappy with.

It’s all just so draining, and I’m hoping for some relief at all, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to get any. Won’t somebody please come to my aid?

Oh the sunnyness and how it shines upon us all. Sadly for others, most are in the gym writing their wretched exams until their brains explode, where I wake up to the chirping of birds, and progress to slowly roll out of bed, head to the bathroom to brush my teeths, and then get dressed to take my tour stuff over to the office.

What a wonderfully beautiful day, and what do I do? I spend it inside studying or taking a nap, because I can’t be bothered to walk into town to get a baguette. I really am craving one, but my lazyness (and the fact that dinner is in 20mins) prevails.

Other than that, two assignments done today and handed in. Sadly since I heave no motivation to do anything, I didn’t edit my French one, but the history one was looked over about 10 times in the last 2 weeks, since it was a resubmission that the wench (who shall not be named due to possibilities of jinxing) gave me a poor grade on it, despite saying “You have very good writing style, but it could be better” and progresses to change words in my writing from ‘augmented’ to ‘increased’ or ‘circulated’ to ‘became widespread’. Honestly now, they are all synnonyms and have the same meaning; so what makes a difference if I put one or the other?

Golly-gee-willigars!

Anyways, it’s Monday night, that means no T.V. shows are on and I will be bored and will be driven to study by the many people that are stressing around my dorm! They just stress me out, and dudes, I can’t deal with that. I like to do exam stuff very calmly and not stress about them, because in 10 years will I be stressed about an exam I failed? Well maybe, but I’m hoping not, and besides; I won’t be failing the exam so it’s all pish-posh!

Oh and for the record, I just about had a freak attack today at cafeteria when I found out my Greek friend Ioni got tickets for ESC! I made an evil face at her then progressed to obsess over all the songs that I like for this year, her not knowing what to say because she’s been too busy ‘studying.’ So I obsess? But how could I not? Something about ESC makes me all jumpy and giggly, especially after watching Melodifestivalen Finalen about 10 times in the last week; by the way I love the voice of Pekka Heino! Randomness, I think so, interest level, very high!