måns zelmerlöw

Simply devine was the second semifinal last night. I simply can’t find words to describe it, it was amazing in every sense of the word. However good it was, I was left shocked, in tears, and confused all in the one and half-hours that it went on for. Firstly, Petra Mede did a great job again, and although less changes of clothing this time, still funny and enjoyable. I spent the evening watching the webcast with my friend Tuomas, and we commented on little things as it went on. Hats off to SVT for having an amazing feed, where I don’t need to download any application, and even great quality for us shmucks that don’t live in Sweden or the SVT1 areas.

Lili & Susie – Show me heaven
=> Andra Chansen
❗ Personal Favourite

What do you get when you have a Finnish sister duo with a hit from the 80’s and put them back on stage in Melodifestivalen? You get a great hit, of course. A techno-schlager song to boot even still. The blondies took it one step at a time and opened the show with a great hit. Got me dancing, got me singing, but I was less than impressed with their English pronunciation. At times it sounded very strange, but luckily it goes into Andra Chansen. Personally I think it should have taken the second ticket to Globen, but tonight the Swedish people were smoking something.

Lasse Lindh & Bandet – Jag slåss i dina kvarter!

What happened Lasse? Last year it was so good, and this year it was simply catastrophic. The music itself was a little bit too rock-boyish for me, and I preferred the song from last year, but also the camera-work left me dizzy and not sure what was going on. It makes taking a screenshot even more difficult, but I just don’t blame the Swedish public for not voting it in, because I felt it was a very weak song compared to the rest this year. Still a huge fan of Lasse, but this song just doesn’t work it for me. The band was distracting me as well.

Jennifer Brown – Never been here before

I was left a little confused and bored by this song. It’s a nice little song from the 70’s feeling put into modern times but Jennifer seemed out of breath and just not with any umph. The screen fooled me thinking there were about 30 people on stage, but it really just was her and the musicians. It’s an alright song, but not enough to grab the attention of everyone and to get voted right into Globen. Consequently it was left in seventh place. The song was close and personal, but I was still missing some sort of glitter, or sparkle that the song needed. This was also one of my picks for International Jury, as it’s a generally good and well liked type of song, but clearly nobody listens to me. Better luck next time. 🙂

H.E.A.T. – 1000 Miles
=> Qualified

Keeping with the theme of going back in time we have the rock band right out of the 80’s coming at us. Even with the hair, and outfits it’s literally like we turned back the clock. Lots of Finnish and Northern representatives this time, as they all look a bit Finnish and have Finno names. I think the chorus is good but the verses are just normal rock stuff mixed with an upbeat tempo. It doesn’t do much on stage, and I was shocked an appalled when it went directly to Globen. I think it was more of an andra chansen song. Never-the-less we will see the mullets, and band again in 4 weeks time. How tragic.

Markoolio – Kärlekssång från mig
❗ Personal Favourite

I’ve got a lot to say about this one. First of all I love Markoolio. I think that he’s adorable, even thought he’s Finnish and has a weird smile. This song was not what I expected at all from him and it seemed a lot out of his element. Firstly I didn’t know that he was a decent singer, as he’s normally a rapper, but the Finnish-Swedish migrant really impressed me. Pinkish wasn’t really the best colour, but I feel that his personality came out a little bit in this song, being a little bit joking and funny. What didn’t the song have? Nothing. It had someone come out of a piano in skates, and then skate awkwardly on a pad of ice, and then get lit on fire. I’m not even joking, I think it’s fabulous. It’s also fitting because it was on Valentines Day and it’s a love song! Other than that, I noticed how painfully nervous and uncomfortable he looked the entire evening. He sang with confidence yet insecurity, and then in the green room he just sat there with his hands in his lap, clapping politely, and trying to not interact with others. I think that he felt a little out of place, especially in the clothes he was wearing, but I am so proud. I just don’t like how people always put so much emphasis on the big stars, and completely forget about the others. He looked alone, sad, lonely and really distanced from the rest of the singers. It made me sad. Other than that, should have been andra chansen, and it’s hella cute that his best friend is his doggy; but I wonder, is he married?

Amy Diamond – It’s my life
=> Andra Chansen

I have to rip into this one because it bothers me so much. I understand that Amy is very popular and has lots of hits, but people come on! This is hits for kids, and nothing else. She looks like a kid, even though she’s getting older, she sounds like a dying cat in a dumpster. I’m trying to be nice here. Her vowels, while singing, are painful to the ear and are drawn out with a whine that I commented on last year. Nobody listens to me at all, but from a musical perspective that’s what it sounds like! In addition to that, with the dancers and the whole package it’s an ok song, just I can’t stand her voice. It’s just like needles to my ears, but despite that I still like her generally as a singer. Her lower register needs major work as it sounds unnatural and uncomfortable. She was chosen to go to Andra Chansen (ok) and also as the International Jury (what?!). I will comment on this later.

Cookies ‘n’ Beans – What if

So we bring back some country ballads, again with the cats in the back dumpster. The song itself is good, nothing special, but a few of them sing with a scratchy tone in their voices. It just doesn’t fit with the genre and thus it left me sort of bland feeling in my mouth. It beat out some good songs to get to the second voting round, but was justly left. I’m just really really surprised when it was called into the next round, I was thinking that maybe the voting was a little bit weird, and that for some god-forsaken reason people in Sweden like country? Huh?!!

Måns Zelmerlöw – Hope & Glory
=> Qualified
❗ Personal Favourite

Han kan sjunga, han kan dansa, han kan bli hot-as-fuck. Den här är, vad vi heter på engelska, en triple-threat. He’s got it all. The looks, the voice, the moves and this song is the classic Melodifestivalen anthem that lit a fire in my heart. Last year I went on and on about him and how I want to bear his children and such, and it all still stands true (somehow, someday!) but this song quite literally brought me to tears. I was a blubbering idiot towards the end. It’s a happy upbeat song, but the message that it sends out and the method in which he performs it left me with chills down my spine. Henrik Wikström, Frederik Kempe and Måns, you outdid yourself and I can only hope that this is top-2 in the final. If it isn’t, thus far, I will cry and the world will come to an end. This one will be getting an ode to in the coming days, I assure you. Also, he was clearly genuinely happy to do so well, and that makes me happy too! B)

I think this international jury is a huge fraud and a joke. It’s supposed to chose songs that it thinks will fit and do well in Eurovision, but so far it’s just picking songs that are either already qualified, but also that are not really European-classics. They are mostly just popular-ish songs that could do decently well, but not necessarily win. I think there could be a better way to make the judgements, as even though it votes a certain way, it must be taking the 2nd or 3rd choices because in my opinion it should have been Jennifer Brown, this week. It’s the most widely-opened genre, and thus it has a greater chance for attention, demographically!

All in all the night was amazing. The voting went fucked up with Cookies ‘n’ Beans, and there were midgits on fire on stage, homosexual jokes, wigs, and old favourites all in one night. All I can say to Skullefteå is: vem gör den bästa? De norramännen självklart! The north always does the best, so na-na-na-na-boo-boo southerners!

Since my love for Americans seems to be floudering, I discovered something hillariously funny recently. It’s a Youtube comedy called What The Buck?. It’s hillariously funny and is basically a homosexual man’s flamboyant analysis of everything entertainment related in the week. I just watched all of the episdoes so I’m entertained beyond words, subscribe to it for a good laugh and well yeah if you like that kind of thing.

Oddly he’s getting me addicted to wanting to watch Big Brother, which is a really sad thing? Should I watch the US version or the Swedish version? Is the Swedish version as slutty and skanky with as good-looking houseguests? I yearn to know and then will find it somehow, oh the internet and it’s lovely parts.

My one and true love, just doesn’t know it yet, Måns Zelmerlöw, was graced with my listening to his new album. I have to say I’m slightly dissapointed, you need more camp teeny-bopper songs on the next album damnit. But still I’m a fan and I support you, PS I saw you at Pride Stockholm on a video and your male dancers were flirting, try not to look so uncomfortable next time; it makes me sad. On a happier note, I am still going to bear his children, whether he likes it or not. I’ll just pull a Theresa from NBC’s Passions and trick him into somehow impregnating me and me having his gorgeous babies. I’m still infatuated beyond words after his dramatic loss in Melodifestivalen, and even after the Eurovision buzz wears off me, I still desire the unattainable. Why can’t you just make my lifetime and announce your bisexuality, you’re killin’ me here dude.

Anyways, in addition to this I have this amazing infatuation with D’Nash, Tobson don’t judge me okej? I love their album as I got it, and well frankly the boy band thing is so awesome that it makes me cry. If only they actually spoke English and sang songs that were even more boy bandy and poppish… well that’d be expecting too much, they’re Spanish afterall. Keep on boppin’ dudes. So if Clay Aiken fans are called Claymates, does that make me a D’Bopper, or Zelmerlöwer?

What the… ?

This year’s Melodifestivalen turned out to be frankly the best one that I’ve ever seen, but at the same time it was the most dissapointing; since my beloved didn’t win!

Andreas Johnsson – A little bit of love

Better luck the next time Andreas. Your song got old quick and sounds really fake for some reason; but you’re a good preformer, but surprisgly short.. anyways, it’s no doubt you say you won’t participte for a few years, dissapointment sadly gets to us all!

Sonja Aldén – För att du finns

Rock on sister; you have made your career as a single artist and you fucking rock. I love how you’re everyone’s favourite. It’s mostly because you have a great perosnality and you are humble and sweet, but your freaking voice rocks my socks. Why were you a background singer? At least you were a reliable one!

Anna Book – Samba sambero

There are no words for you; other than good job! You were happy and you didn’t score many points, but still, good for you, you succeeded in being more than a one hit wonder, just keep at it and I will think higher of you!

Sebastian – When the night comes falling

Your song is awesome and your outfit was awesome also. You look so much better in black and blue, and I don’t mean a bruise. Just next time maybe don’t wear an open shirt; or wax a little bit? But then we will all know you did it; oh well I guess it’s too late! Shame that your awesome songwriting and singing didn’t do better!

Marie Lindberg – Trying to recall

Crowd pleaser can we say? You shocked me by getting tons of votes from the public, but honestly it’s awesome that you came from nothing to finish so high in the rankings with a song written by yourself and preformed all alone. It’s just about something I could never do. Kudos to you!

Måns Zelmerlöw – Cara mia
Father of my children

Oh Måns, I’m still on the train and smitten hopeless by your performances and all aroundness. I still will somehow bear your children despite being humanly impossible, I will find a way; but until then please try not to lick your wounds too much; the rest of the world would love to help. Honestly I thought you were raped by the juries, as I cried the whole time, but you should have gotten the most votes publically. I would have voted a million times for you because, well you rock my socks? Anyways, apart from bearing your children; I hope to see you again in Melodifestivalen and win it bitch! Anyways, also being voted Sweden’s Sexiest Man by QX… Refer to semi-final performance regarding your ambiguity. Who cares, I’d even buy that magazine just to “read the articles.”

Tommy Nilsson – Jag tror på människan

Happy Belated Birthday to you. Shame that you scored nill points, but really this competition was too fierce for you. I must say though what you’ve got going on for you… Fireworks.. Fireworks baby! I like your song more and more that I listen to it, but sorry you just can’t compare with Måns.

Sanna Nielsson – Våger du våger jag

I love it, and you are so blonde and amazing but you mirror Carola too much. Please don’t become the queen of botox in her footsteps; you can do so much better just the way you are. You even come from Malmö and I can undestand you; 12 points!

Sarah Dawn Finer – I remember love

I like your song more and more everytime I hear it. The lyrics are amazing and you have a beautiful voice, even if you are sick with a cold. It makes me just want to to, remember love, or something! Anyways, yeah! Sorry, too smitten by Måns still!

The Ark – The Worrying Kind
Melodifestivalen Winner

Comments gallore for you. Okay so you’re popular and the juries loved you and the public loves you, but that doesn’t mean that I love you. That’s because I’m so much more awesome than a follower. Your song was great, I will admit it, but I just don’t like the ironic fact that someone that never wanted to participate in Melodifestivalen won. It’s just too much to blow my mind. Give it to someone who really wants it. The upside to this result is the fact that your amazingly cool song might actually do well in Eurovision. You’ve got resources beyond imagine, you’re a good preformer and your song is neutral and likely to appeal to many different places. What does this equal? At least 10 points from most non Eastern European countries! I don’t like the nudity, nor the silver heart; I’d rather see Måns in those clothes, but then I look at the accessories you have and that disturbs me. Well done and best of luck; don’t freak out.

My reflections are claer. Måns should have won in my opinion, but I couldn’t help but love I remember love, as well just for no particular reason. I want schlager to represent, and I thought Sweden was clear-cut country to send a schlager! Let’s hope for more. I still refuse to listen to any songs that qualified until all of the countries have chosen, but I hope there is schlager, I turely hope hope hope!