Home sucks

Coming home is supposed to be something that is relaxing, welcoming, and a relief; especially for students who stress out for 6 months of the year!|-|

What do I get ‘welcomed’ home by? Well I sat down to talk to my mom about the weather (among other things) and she breaks out that the family is in a slight bit of a crisis; specifically a great financial crisis. And so I naïvely ask how much of a crisis. Well let me explain.

My father has apparently been out of a job since January, since the company didn’t renew the contract, and as a result he has been doing nothing except ‘look’ for a job for the last four months. In my experience of him ‘looking’ for a job, it includes going to the bar and getting piss drunk and then going on the internet to see what’s going on in the industry of electronics (that’s when he was at home during the summer of my graduation year). So he’s unlucky to find a job, and as a result, as always, money is the talk of life.

I can’t remember a time in my life where money wasn’t an issue. Whether it being me forced to eat tomatoes (despite being allergic to them) because they were cheaper, to turning so-called ‘happy events’ into talks of how expensive or cheap everything was. Even after me asking for the family to not talk about money for a whole 48 hours failed miserably when dad slipped and mentioned that the chicken we were eating cost only $7 apparently, and a was on sale. That resulted in me stopping eating and left the house for a few hours because I couldn’t believe that they couldn’t contain themselves.

And as a result, I hate money more than anything I’ve ever hated more! It is the thing that makes some people more happy, and others more sad.

So back to the present: money is ‘really tight’, which basically means that I’m going practically anorexic again this summer to make sure that I don’t eat the family out of house-and-home (because I’m blamed eating so much even when I’m 60kg and mom and dad are both obese). Funny how it’s always me who suffers. And so mom also mentions that if the situation doesn’t change in the next fwe weeks, the chances of moving to an apartment is a must, because living in a modestly-small house isn’t financially viable at the present time. She also adds that it’s a bitch because they are only 4 years away from paying off the mortgage, and then wouldn’t have to pay it anymore! If only dad could hold a job for the course of a year, without fucking it up. If he had been able to, then I’d not be 60’000$ in debt from student loans, and I wouldn’t need to worry about whether or not I will have a job after schooling.

“Money isn’t in teaching osky, money is in business” said my father many years ago. I want to do what I love and what I’m good at, I’d rather do that than be in something I hate and want to kill myself daily for. And besides, look where business got my father: unemployed and obese. Where were my role-models? Steffi Graf doesn’t count as one, because that was for tennis, but seriously now; I’ve never had someone to look up to, and that’s why I always wished I had an older brother :`(

So I guess I mentioned a little something about possibly going elsewhere to work for the summer, and well besides shitting a brick (so to speak) she wans’t impressed citing reasons like “you just want to spite us” (which is partly true) or “you wouldn’t be able to do it” (which is just plain bs). Why can’t they just be supportive for once? Not even getting into the countrys N°1 university is good enough! Bahh

Seriously considering more and more the move overseas, but like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve nowhere to live and that’s the main concern.

Toronto… yuck

So now after 26hrs of absolute painful sitting at a chair that is uncomfortable, with no sleep and food, I never want to take a train again! :DD Trains are horrible because they give me an unlimited amount of time to think, and we all know what happens when I start to think about things.. bad things happen! haha just kidding.

No seriously now though, I didn’t sleep at all because I can’t get into comfortable position sitting upwards and such *grumble grumble* oh well it’s all over now.

So I think I’ve made an unofficial decision people(s)… brace yourself now because I was thinking that maybe it’s good idea for me to go to Sweden for a few months before going to France to work, since I dunno if I want to stay here. This was mostly influenced by Tobias who suggested doing it after France, but why wait right? I might as well go now, when I am still in a good enough mood about it 😛

So but there are many problems interlaced with this! Where shall I live? Where shall I work? And how is it guaranteed that I can find either? It’s not, so that’s the only thing holding me back! I worked out that I can have a job for 2 months here and earn enough to do what I wish, but like I said, I have noooo idea where to live, or no idea to find a job that will earn me enough money to have money for school in September.

So suggestions do we have? I am going to be around all tomorrow *hint hint* so, I figure the quicker I make a decision, the quicker I can get it in motion to get my papers and such.. I still gotta do all my papers for France and such too, and I dunno if that is even allowed, to get two visas at any given time but are for different dates? Ie: Sweden (July -> Sept) then France (Sept -> June).

Hmm, okej well that’s what I’m thinking right now, and I think it’s a good idea maybe, but I’m totally useless right now because I dunno how to organize it 😮


Wacky weather

So what’s with this weather we are having? Apparently springtime is just going to the dirt becasue one day it’s +15°C out, and then the next it’s -5°C and snowing slushy stuff! Weather here has never really been like this, but perhaps because we are close to the water, we get weirdness. But still, last year during this time it was either rainy or sunny and hot out, because we were studying for exams in the sun outside because it was so beautiful.

I made the horrible decision to wear shorts to cafeteria today, becasue it was fairly mild. Little did I realize, or remember, is that during the day the wind picks up, and it gets quite chilly; therefore the walk back to my dorm was quite cold and consisted of me shivering, with a girl from Bahamas, who was wrapped up in so many scarfs, you’d think she was in the Artic. Funny how that works!

I need to get a monitor to open up the storage room downstairs so I can get my boxes, as I need to start packing to take the 2’000km trek back to Toronto for the summer. I want to bring all of my stuff home, since I will be going to France next year for the schooltime, and I won’t have anywhere here to put anything. I have no idea how I will fit everything, because I have a lot of random stuff that, I just have no idea what to do with!