And so the final comes and with a heightened view, and very few disappointments in the osky-camp, I sat in Uppsala all alone watching the Eurovision Song Contest, again off the internet. I have yet to see the final live on an actual TV Station (how tragic!) Thankfully we have some new hosts and they are so much better than the previous Semi-Finals; they actually know how to talk and not be awkward.

Lithuania – Sasha Son

I still don’t understand the point of this song and why it’s in the competition. It’s not that bad, but there is nothing special about it either. He’s simply an awkward Lithuanian on stage trying to make a name for himself. The good thing about it, is that it was first off and many had simply forgotten it. I can’t even recall the tune in my brain!

Israel – Noa & Mira Awad

This song isn’t that bad either but I feel that it’s a little too political. It grew on me from the semi-finals, but it just lacks any sort of flare that I believe is required to kick some major ESC butt! Linguistically speaking it’s intriguing also, but there is too far of a message behind the song and the lyrics.

France – Patricia Kaas
Personal Favourite

This haunting and absolutly mystical song put chills down my spine. It’s simple, it’s sweet, and it’s oh so French! A lot of my colleagues aren’t big fans of Patricia Kaas, but I think she’s fabulous, and obviously they have no taste! I’m so glad the juries saw that this was a good song and it got a bunch of televotes! Inspiration baby for the music!

Sweden – Malena Ernman
Personal Favourite

Well what can I say about Malena? I think the song is fabulous, but the choir sucks, and unfortunately the show doesn’t work as well as it did in Melodifestivalen, but let’s be serious here; Melodifestivalen is so much more exciting and crazy than Eurovision! I mean it’s Sweden afterall!

Croatia – Igor Cukrov feat. Andrea

Another Balkan ballad that speaks to our hearts, and has a very cute middle-aged guy singing on stage with the wooing of the background dancers. I think that the ballads speak to the Europeans and people in general, but they are getting kind of old frankly and every year we have one or two and they always do moderately well. Leave the ballads to Bosnia, though!

Portugal – Flor-de-Lis
Personal Favourite

This song actually has grown on me totally. It’s cute, it’s simple, and it’s well put together. Very Portugese. I just didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have originally. Now that I know what’s good, I don’t need to wonder about anything! The colours make me think that I’m a hippy and that I’m out of the 70’s, but then I remember that I come ten years or so later; tragic!

Iceland – Yohanna
Personal Favourite

Every time I hear this song it brings me to tears, it’s simply that magical and wonderful. Why are people so suprised that this came 2nd place? I’m not surprised at all, and frankly I totally called it. Everyone thought it was boring, and I thought it was just plain amazing. She’s gorgeous, the stage is simple and this ballad sets itself apart. What a bloody voice too! My other comment is about the unity of the Icelandic camp. Their background singers are the former singers, Friðrik Ómar from Euroband. I think it’s kind of cheesy, but given the status of how many people are in Iceland and how many can be good; I’m not surprised. He still reminds of my of friend Flosí!

Greece – Sakis Rouvas
Personal Favourite

Sex on legs, that’s all I can say. He’s basically practically nude, dancing around to a song that gets my toes tapping and me wanting to shake my hips. The dance I will learn, and one day the world will discover the magic of Greece and Sakis and how sexy he is. He’s getting old, but I digress, I don’t understand what makes him so appealing, since I’m not into Medeterrainian things, but alas I fail! This song should have done better; he’s fab! Let’s… FLY TO THE TOP!

Armenia – Inga & Anush
Personal Favourite

This song has become really awesome to me. After having spent the last few evening singing the song and laughing at “norpan” which they say, gives the reason why a lot of Swedes voted this song. Arash and Carolina alone voted at least 30 times for this song simply because they say “Norpan” which they refer to as the person that goes through the garbage in Uppsala. Ironically we ran into her on the way back from our working, and we had a good laugh! About the song, really it’s catchy and I am really impressed with the performance and how it’s culturally integrated to be amazing. I simply am impressed!

Russia – Anastasiya Prikhodko

I’m really torn on this song to be honest. I think it’s an all right song, and the singer is half decent but she’s yelling half the time. It’s a nice sounding rhythm, but the thing that made this performance the most amazing is the graphics and the screens with her face showing and ageing. I actually think they created the catastrophically and geoclasmically large stage to suit this song.

Azerbaijan – AySel & Arash

I still think that this song is such a bad one with Arash singing; he simply has a horrible voice and the only thing saving them is AySel, frankly! I think it’s catchy but I don’t mark this as being a favourite simply in protest of Arash.

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Regina

This is a favourite amongst my friends but I don’t really think it’s special or magical. It’s really serious and political and masculine. Hence perhaps why I’m not a fan. Bistra voda, with all it’s water and flowingness really doesn’t show m
uch on stage as this sounds more like a march to freedom than anything. I think that the part I like most about it is the ascent during the chorus, apart from that it’s pretty one, two, three-ish.

Moldova – Nelly Ciobanu

Really I’m not getting it, still. She’s cute but the song reminds me too much of Ani Lorak gone Moldovan, and wrong. Lucky for her, her dress stands out so she doesn’t mesh in with the larger men that surround her. Too many “hey hey”‘s to keep me interested.

Malta – Chiara
Personal Favourite

Despite the fact that this song is nearly a copy of the last time she sang in Eurovision, just with different words, I find her voice so impressive that I can’t help but sing along. It’s crisp, clear and perfectly controlled. Just a shame that another ballad (like the upteenth) will just get lost in the crowd, and sure enough did!

Estonia – Urban Symphony
Personal Favourite

What an amazing, mysterious, Estonian, and dark song. Simple with nothing too flashy, and a beautifully-Easter Baltic woman singing and playing a violin. I’m lost in the simplicty and I simply raise my arms and sway around in circles feeling the music and the rhythm take me where the win or water will flow. Top 5 from the start and thank the world for voting accordingly!

Denmark – Niels Brinck

Another reason for me to dislike Danes, despite their attractiveness. This guy looks so out of place on stage and this nasal whiny voice drives me up the wall. The song itself is okay, but he looks like he’s picked up from the street, thrown some clothing on and then is on one of the largest European stages; it just looks wrong.

Germany – Alex Swings Oscar Sings!

I’m confused. I thought that glitter and leather pants were dead, and here they make a come-back that will be squashed. The song is okay, but he looks Austrian so I’m totally put off from it. Fun song, but really now. The only other comment that I will have about this is that the dancers are lesbian, and the singer shakes his hips like a gay stripper, not that I’ve ever seen those before. I just think it’s pretty pathetic of the Germans to need to fly Dita von Teese in, a burlesque artist, in to get some votes. Epic fail!

Turkey – Hadise

Same shit different year, not impressed clearly.

Albania – Kejsi Tola

I still can’t get over this song and the green man that runs around. Juho my friend absolutly loves the song, and I’m half-convinced simply becasue it’s him, but the other half of me thinks that there were better songs, and it’s just another Albanian teenager that they vote into the final; is this a demographic representation of Albania?

Norway – Alexander Rybak
Winner
Personal Favourite

This song, again rocks my socks and I only wish that I could be Alexander Rybak. He’s modest, cute, a decent singer, a good musician, and an even weirder song artist. I think that half the reason why this won, and was so catchy, was the fact that the composition was so strange and different. Musically it’s an odd way to work through a song, but I’m a total fan, no doubt about it. Front runner from even before the competition started, and I even voted for it, totally!

Ukraine – Svetlana Loboda
Personal Favourite

I have a few comments about this one. First of all it’s porn on stage, and she looks cross-eyed. The Russian camera crew either sabotaged this entry, or simple are horrible at camera-work. I can’t understand why the camera runs around and can’t keep anything in focus. The entire song was out of focus, but the way that the sexy dancers were going, it’s not surprising. I think I was more interested in the dancers, frankly speaking!

Romania – Elena
Personal Favourites

The Balkan Girls, they like to Party like Nobody! like Nobody! The song could be better with better choreography and a more clear singer. Good catchy song, it’s just in the middle as I’m taken aback by others! Mice dresses tho!

United Kingdom – Jade Ewen

What a surprise with this song, really, and by that I mean the end result! I think the song is good and the singer is amazing but it’s such a Andrew Lloyd Webber song it’s not even funny. It feels like it’s taken right out of a musical that he wrote on crack; cause he looks like he’s on crack. What is even more cracked up is that he was actually the pianist on stage, and that makes me think of Alexander Bard and his desperate attempt to get air-time. Get over it buddy, you know you’re good, and we know too, just give it up!

Finland – Waldo’s People
Personal Favourite

Shame that this was a total flop, cause the song is good, minus singers. Twelve points to the flame-throwing dancers, though! Seriously! It was the only non-awkward thing going on here.

Spain – Soraya Arnelas

What the hell is going on here? I don’t even know what to say because it’s so weird and I can’t understand anything that’s going on. The recording actually
had me thinking that this could be good, but then when I see it I think “what the fuck?!” Her singing is horrible, the dancing is messy and it’s all around a weird entry. Spain, get better please, I have faith in you!

All in all it was a great year with the results that I wanted. Go team me!

Opening act, was very Russian, and although I liked the change I think it was a little cheezy. They showed off the expensive and lovely stage to it’s fullest. The dancing bears sort of made me wonder why they would critique the bloody Swedes so much for the intra-act during the Final of Melodifestivalen. Again the cheesy hosts were making me annoyed the entire time!

Croatia – Igor Cukrov feat. Andrea
Qualified

Another Balkan ballad that doesn’t work for me. The constant vabrato and desire for Croatia to be in the final makes me sick. I don’t like it at all.

Ireland – Sinéad Mulvey & Black Daisy

Well Ireland clearly stepped out of it’s comfort range this year. A girl rock band, that is alternative and emo is totally different than what we have seen in previous years. The pink and purple I liked, the singing was okay, but I’m not a fan of the way that it works. When I think of this song, I think that the title actually speaks wonders and says a lot about the actual meaning of the song: et cetera

Latvia – Intars Busulis

Graphics are cool, but I don’t really get this act at all. The main singer looks like he’s having a seizure on stage and the song doesn’t really have a melody at all. It’s more like just shouting out, and lights changing constantly. I don’t feel any sort of rhythm or melodies going on, it’s just a big mess. The outfit of the main singer, that is to say the pins on the chest of him were very tacky and too much of a message. It’s Eurovision remember!

Serbia – Marko Kon and Milaan

Well Serbia has totally gone down hill after a few years of some really good songs. A guy with a wig, a bunch of ballerinas or wedding outfits, and some accordion players don’t do it for me. Even if it’s funny in some weird way I don’t get it. What’s so special and what’s so lovely about this song? It sort of makes me think of a hippy generation totally gone wrong, but beyond any words can express!

Poland – Lidia Kopania

Another ballad comes out of Poland this year. I think that I like the voice of the singer, and the song isn’t that bad but there are too many ballads in this semi-final for me to be able to choose between them all. Simple performance, with dancers frolicking and the main singer standing still, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be watching at all the times. It’s sort of difficult to see what’s going on, and the theme of the song doesn’t really fit with the act. Le sigh.

Norway – Alexander Rybak
Qualified
Personal Favourite

Well Norway, since I found out what your song was, I knew Alexander Rybak would be received well by a vast amount of countries. There was a huge hype about him in the blogs, and in Scandinavia, and clearly he will get top points there, but all the Swedes I’ve talked to “don’t get” this song. It’s an old style lyrics with a more modern and folkish tune. The dancers are really good, Alexander is absolutly adorable, and the images on the screen went well. His smile is a million dollars, and he clearly had a great time! Kudos for playing your own fiddle, and writing your own song too! When he sings out “rise me high above” I think my heart just breaks a little bit. Absolutly fabulous, one of the best songs of the year!

Cyprus – Christina Metaxa

Another bloody ballad from Cyprus, as Carolina and I have said. Why does Cyprus keep doing this to Europe? It’s not really worth making a huge deal about. She’s really beautiful with her dress and the symplicity, but I wasn’t really getting what was going on stage. The spins, and the song lacked a lot of things, I think. The more I listen to it, the more I seem to like it, however. Just unfortunately each country only really has a few moments to choose. I also get the feeling that she’s trying to draw on the Balkan emotive songs, and as soon as her voice goes a little bit higher it’s all broken, and out of tune.

Slovakia – Kamil Mikulcik and Nela Pocisková

This song doesn’t work for me at all. The girl is pretty and sings well, and the guy is dirty and ugly looking and sings alright. It’s not chosen becasue it’s not really special, but we will give Slovakia some chance to catch up, after it’s their return after many years away, you know! Better luck next year!

Denmark – Niels Brinck
Qualified

A bit of a suprise that Denmark made it by this year, the song is basically done before and nothing really is special. His face looks so fake tanned it makes me want to barf, and he speaks English like a Yank, nothing wrong with that, just it’s really entertaining is all! The song itself is okay, but I reckon it will come middle of the pack on Saturday, given it’s appeal.

Slovenia – Quartissimo feat Martina Majerle
Personal Favourite

I actually really liked this act, and the fact that it had an orchestra on stage and that the singer was hidden. I do feel like at the end she was screaming and that it wasn’t really pleasing on the ears, but it’s a good song in general. Good compositionally I mean!

Hungary – Zoli Ádok
Personal Favourite

This is so hot words can not express. Well frankly speaking it screams “I’m gay” and it’s a great disco song from the 80’s with a 90’s twist. The short little Hungarian oozes sex appeal, gayness, and dances like he’s got no tomorrow left! You can tell he’s got a good body, but it’s tragic that he didn’t have guys dancing with him, and the skanky blonde girls. He does his own dancing, stunts, and aecrobatics; totally impressed. This is where my new friend Carolina and I were screaming “VI VILL UNGREN! VI VILL UNGREN! SÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅ SEXIG!” And then when we found out that it didn’t advance we were gutted and were in a nice little bar screaming “SKANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL” because well frankly we were so dissapointed. Fuck you Croatia, who took our spot!

Azerbaijan – AySel and Arash
Qualified
Personal Favourite

Purple rocks my socks, especially with a catchy song that comes from the East. This is a half-Swedish Arash with AySel who was clearly the star of the show. I think it’s tragic to hear Arash singing, his voice is just horrible, and it should have been the whole time AySel, who’s gorgeous. Every time I hear Arash I sort of cringe and wonder when it will stop! Graphics are cool too.

Greece – Sakis Rouvas
Qualified
Personal Favourite

Sakis Rouvas is the living version of sex on legs. He’s oozing sex appeal, dances well, and is a great performer. I can only wish to see him live at some point in my life before dying, and before he gets wrinkles. His belly and chest are basically falling out of his tight shirt, and the coerography is amazing. I think he did better job in the National Greek Final, but it works for Eurovision anyways!

Lithuania – Sasha Son
Qualified

What the hell happened here? I don’t get it. It’s a nice song, but it’s just not good enough to go on. It stole the spot of Slovenia, in my opinion! He looks so awkward on stage alone, I will say, but at least the piano was nice!

Moldova – Nelly Ciobanu
Qualified

I find it really strange that this advanced, as I don’t really get what’s so good about it. It’s just an Eastern-European beat and feeling to it, that has dancing and a woman with a huge mouth that looks like Shirley Clamp. What’s the deal? Why do we vote this in my friends?

Albania – Kejsi Tola
Qualified

What the fuck? Another albania pree-teen but this time we have a crazy green man dancing around. It’s catchy, but the dancing and be ballerenia dress are far too much.

Ukraine – Svetlana Loboda
Qualified
Personal Favourite

Well as much as I love this song, I feel like it’s a total rip-off from last year, with nearly the same melody and dancing. It’s basically a slut with huge lips running around the stage, and reminding me of Poland a few years ago and the pole dancing. Lucky for her, the camera focused very little on her actual face, and the dancers became a huge blur!

Estonia – Urban Symphony
Qualified
Personal Favourite

A chilling song, with a beautiful woman from the north. She sings with grace and beauty, and her eyes and lighting, camera work and such make the show really enjoyable! It kind of gives me goosebumps and makes me wonder if there is a boogey man under the bed, or something. I really dig it though!

The Netherlands – Da Toppers

Go home and get it right Holland, this song is so cheesy and horrible I don’t even know where to start. There is a crazy looking old DJ woman dancing around on stage while the lot of you are being gay and making gay rights activist messages outside of the competition. Threatening to not sing in the competition of Gay Pride Moscow doesn’t happen is kind of a little too far considering the Dutch companies that chose you want you to performe, even if it’s a horrible song with you wearing glitter suits. Go home!

Well the night was more or less successful with the right songs going through, no major upsets or anything so not much to report. Get excited for the Final, peeps! The camerawork was also improved and TV1 didn’t sepnd so much time looking at the stage like the last night!

Hello Euro-land, another year has come and this time we are in Moscow, Russia with Eurovision Song Contest 2009. The presenters started out, can barely speak English, and are frankly horrible. They are boring, and aren’t even funny. First impressions are that the stage is amazing, and they spent a fortune, and they want to show it off. The show looked really unprofessional because they didn’t focus on the singers, and just wanted to show how good the actual stage was. Pretty sad, in my opinion. On with the show!

Montenegro – Andrea Demirovic
Personal Favourite

This is a great catchy Euro-tune, and since Montenegro alone has been quite new to the competition, it’s struggled to qualify and is often lost in the field. Andrea’s song is wonderful, the dancer is super gay despite trying to seduce a woman. The vocals were a little bit iffy at times, but it’s so catchy. I can’t help but hop around to this song, but of course it didn’t qualify, such a shame!

Czech Republic – Gipsy.cz

What the hell was this? I don’t even know what was going on stage, this is the first go home song of the year. Czech republic is having issues finding itself in the competition, perhaps next year they will enter with a ballad that isn’t hard-rock, or rock in general! Usch! Totally horrible, and in spandex too!

Belgium – Copycat

Elvis Impersonators are dead. Belgium has been struggling for the last years, and frankly their desperation becomes more and more pathetic. This guy doesn’t sing a good song, and I hate it, it’s the first back-to-back go home songs ever in the history of my analysis. Please don’t come back, and yeah… ugh I don’t even know what to say!

Belarus – Petr Elfimov

I’m sort of torn with this song, because it’s not bad and the singing is okay, just it looks weird on stage. I see some woman hidden behind a curtain, and the singer with poor styling and a weird hair-cut. The song itself isn’t that bad, but I feel that since it didn’t qualify there will be major protests from the Belarussian delegation, they always seem to complain about everything.

Sweden – Malena Ernman
Qualified
Personal Favourite

La Suède, La Malena, La Voix! It’s great, but it’s so weird without the backing tape and having a chorus of women. She looked incredibly nervous on the stage, and there wasn’t anything really going on with the performance. The Melodifestivalen performances were much better and despite the vocals being wonderful it left me wondering if it’s the jury’s choice, again this year. She’s wonderful but I feel the final will bring some bad luck, unfortunately.

Armenia – Inga and Anush
Qualified
Personal Favourite

This is such a culturally stimulating song, but I feel that it’s a poor representation of Armenian culture. First off the women are in native dress (accurate or not, who knows?) and they are wearing more make-up that I can’t even locate their eyes, and they look all drugged up. I can’t imagine it’s comfortable, but the song is wonderful. It’s totally eastern and coming from the unknown, and the English is a bit iffy but it’s still a catchy song; keeping everybody moving your body! It grew on me the more I listened to it!

Andorra – Susanne Georgi
Personal Favourite

I love this song; it’s cheezy and a teeny-bopper song with a redhead on stage. I don’t mind at all, but I know that nobody will pay any attention to Andorra. When have they, anyways? It’s just kind of tragic in any case. The girly band on stage doesn’t really help much either, sadly.

Switzerland – Lovebugs
Personal Favourite

This is a huge upset for the first semi-final. Very Coldplay-ish feeling, good song and a crowd pleaser but not enough votes from around I presume. I’m not surprised at all because Switzerland always goes sort of unnoticed, but it’s truly a shame. They probably came somewhere towards the end, but deserved at least to make it to the final. They were robbed.

Turkey – Hadise
Qualified

Another dancing whore makes it to the final. Turkey is always sending the same type of dancing songs that are typically Turkish, and of course due to disapora-voting I’m not surprised that it’s a qualifier and will make the top-10 in the final. I don’t like seeing half naked women belly dancing in weddings, so what makes one think that I’ll like it in Eurovision?

Israel – Noa and Mira Awad
Qualified

I don’t see what all the hype is about for this. It’s great because we have two languages and an idea of unity but it just doesn’t work for me. Why do they keep doing the same type of ballads? Well at least some people in France know who they are though, funny enough!

Bulgaria – Krassimir Avramov

What the hell is going on here? I don’t really understand it at all. There are people on stilts throwing each other around, people screaming and using eastern-type singing, but then this guy sort of being un featured. I think Bulgaria is the specialist in featuring better backing singers than their featured singers. Too much going on in different places and one of the ladies looks like an amazon, no jokes!

Iceland – Yohanna
Qualified
Personal Favourite

Everyone always underestimates my first choice pick, and this one is it. Major dark-horse song, with a prett
y girl that sings like an angel. The song literally brought me to tears the first time I heard it, I was so moved by it’s text and meaning. Plus seeing sailing ships and dolphins flying in the back of the screen makes me really happy! Yohanna quite possibly could have been the winning song, and will make top 5 for sure on Saturday, if not then it’s a major scandal!

F.Y.R. Macedonia – Next Time

Go home Macedonia-monster-name. I don’t get it, this sucked, and at the risk of sounding the same as last year, what the hell are you doing? This was horrible, and I can’t bring myself to watch what’s going on on stage.

Romania – Elena
Qualified
Personal Favourite

The Balkan Girls like to party; who knew it? This song is catchy, just presented poorly with dancers that are having too many things floating around. The singing is okay, but it’s missing something and the backing vocals need to be pumped up a little bit to make a bit of a contrast with Elena’s voice. Not surprising through to the final but won’t bring in any 12-ers.

Finland – Waldo’s People
Qualified
Personal Favourite

I favourite this song based on the song, but performance-wise it’s horrible and the Finns need to learn. They claim that it’s not a song where there would be dancers, but you’ve got a Finnish-wigger on stage dressed like he’s a thug rapping while elegant Finnish women sing the lovely chorus. It’s a great song, but it’s just so awkward on stage. Speaking of presentation, 12 points to the nearly naked flamethrower dancers in the back! Did anyone else notice that their pants were so low that you can nearly see their pelvis? Okay maybe just me!

Portugal – Flor-de-Lis
Qualified
Personal Favourite

This song is so cute and happy. The colours on the LEDs are making me think of some childish story, and the singer is simple. I imagine being on a beach with some sort of sun-hat on, just sort of singing along to what’s going on. It’s a feel-good song of the night, and the more and more I listen to it the more and more I like it. At first I judged it harshly as most Portugese songs are weird, but this one really floated my boat! Go team!

Malta – Chiara
Qualified
Personal Favourite

Well Chiara is back in Eurovision for the third time and with another ballad that reminds of me her last one. She’s not really changed much, just gotten older, and her voice is still flawless and the song is lovely. I just think that it’s too much similar to the other songs and will get trampled over in the final. It would have been more ironic if Malta sang last, because then I could finally say that it aint over until the fat lady sings, and well, but she’s the penultimate number. Damn!

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Regina
Qualified

I don’t see what the hype is about this song, it’s too politically charged and it looks like the Soviet Union went and took over again. Bosnia has good songs, and it’s not that it’s bad, it’s just not for me. They need to go back to schlager to make me more happy!! Oh and the guy needed to shave, badly! He reminds me of some emo from the balkans that just is in need of a haircut!

Well there you have it, I had ten favourites (how ironic with the number of qualifiers) but three of them were dropped, not surprisingly. I’m looking forward to Saturday’s final when we have different commentators, and what’s the deal with tAtu again? Lame!

My new friend here in Uppsala, and I had a lovely evening of Eurovision watching. My analysis will follow within days because I feel more like I need a shower than anything..

Phrase of the night: “VI VILL UNGREN!! UNGREN!! SKANDAAAAAL! FAN!”

Oh how I adore her!

I’ve just read, thanks to my trusty RSS Feeds, that Russia is not happy with Melodifestivalen’s interpretation of the mid-act show. It’s really a silly article, that you see attached:

Russian disgust over Eurovision skit
David Landes, The Local, 16/03/2009

The Russian embassy in Stockholm has launched a scathing critique of Sveriges Television (SVT) for what it sees as a “disgusting” portrayal of Russia during the weekend’s Melodifestivalen finals.

“It makes no sense to me why Sweden would show such ignorance in misinterpreting this image of Russia,” embassy spokesperson Anatoly Kargapolov told The Local.

“If Russians could see what happened on the stage of Globen on Saturday, I’m fairly certain it will reduce the number of votes they give to the Swedish singer [Malena Ernman].”

Kargapolov’s comments come in reaction to a comedy interlude from the Melodifestivalen finals featuring two Swedes who travel to Moscow on a fictitious attempt to recruit a Russian singer to perform a “musical postcard from Moscow”.

The two are then ushered into the headquarters of the Russian “Schlager Mafia” where they meet a stereotypical Russian mobster, flanked by a beautiful woman and armed guards.

As the sketch proceeds, tempers flare when the Swedes refuse to hand over a teddy bear one of them is wearing in lieu of a traditional Russian fur hat.

The other Swede then says to the supposed-gangster, “You’re fucking worst!”, at which point the mobster’s henchmen (and the woman) all draw their weapons.

The taped comedy sketch ends with an agreement between the Swedes and the head of the Russian “Schlager Mafia” at which point the programme segues into a techno version of a tongue-in-cheek song entitled “Tingaling, tingaling” (‘Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling’) performed live on the Globen stage and broadcast live across Sweden on SVT.

The live dance number included an array of Russian stereotypes, including Cossack dancers, matryoshka stacking dolls, and a chorus of men dressed like Russian soldiers. The choreography also featured several scantily clad woman wearing tight-fitting shorts with a single red star splaying their legs toward the camera in unison.

“I didn’t know how to react,” said Kargapolov.

He explained that many staff members at the embassy were bewildered by what they saw as an “offensive” and “disconnected” portrayal of Russia and Russian culture.

“I’m really upset that the Swedish people don’t bother to see beyond its own borders and sticks to such narrow-minded and outdated stereotypes of Russia,” he said.

Even the ambassador himself, Alexander M. Kadakin, has been informed of the matter, although he has chosen not to get involved personally at this point since he was out of town at the weekend and didn’t see the performance himself.

The embassy did issue an official statement however, condemning the piece:

“We do not react to eccentricity by some lunatics whose Russophobia should place them in an asylum rather than on Globen’s stage.”

SVT’s Ronnie Lans, an executive producer for Melodifestivalen, defended the comedy sketch and song as “satire”.

“The number was done with a lot of humour and affection,” he said.

“It wasn’t our intention at all to offend anyone. It was a comedy sketch.”

Lans explained that the satire was meant to poke fun more at Swedes’ views of Russia, rather than Russia itself.

“We’ve all been to Russia and know that’s not how it really is,” he said.

He clarified in particular that the so-called “Schlager Maffia” is actually a term applied in jest to a group of performers and artists surrounding Christer Björkman, a former Melodifestivalen winner from 1992 who now runs the Swedish contest.

“We thought it would be fun to include his Russian counterpart,” said Lans.

Lans said SVT has received nothing but positive reactions about the sketch from viewers, many of whom suggested that “Tingaling” should be Sweden’s Eurovision entry to the contest in Moscow.

“We apologize if what we did was considered insulting. That wasn’t our intent,” he said, but added that he didn’t think the number crossed over the line.

“Satire is what it is, and sometimes it can be edgy.”

He admitted that SVT could also do more to help counteract Swedes’ stereotypes about Russia, something that the embassy’s Kargapolov would welcome.

“These stereotypes sit so deeply in the Swedish psyche,” Kargapolov explained.

“Hopefully this will help ring some bells among Swedes and help them realize how disgusting some of the things are that they’ve shown.”

All I have to say is, get over yourself Russia. If you’re not going to want to host Eurovision and take some satire then don’t bother to even enter. Eurovision is, in it’s entirity, satrical, and you know that having your bloody singer have a dancer coming out of a panio, and winning the competition with a half naked singer, a violinist and a professional figure skater. Fuck off!

And to think that they actually, apart from almost promising that Sweden won’t get votes, would dare to say such things… If Sweden doesn’t get votes, I guess we know who caused that… Cause it’s not Sweden.