In need of protection

Courtesy of Tumblr’s @lionguard

While the title of this post could often be misconstrued by the overly sexualised humans that roam the Earth and peruse the internet, I am not in fact writing about contraceptives such as condoms. I’m talking about the protection of people; let me elaborate.

I was reading some things on reddit, as one does, and a situation that someone presented made me think of something and it led me to a reflection upon the needs of a person. User u/Independent_Year describes how he, as a straight man, seems to be falling in love with a gay friend of his:

I have tried to rationalize my attraction – he’s a delicate looking guy – so I must have been thinking of him as a ”substitute girl” of sorts, and putting myself in the role of ”badass” protector. But rationalizing haven’t lessened my feelings at all. At first I though hey – you feel like a big brother from another mother for him, that’s why your so protective. At least that’s what it might have been at beginning. But seeing other guys in the LGBT club hit on him .. makes me feel angry and quite possessive…. Not quite fraternal .

And it’s these comments that led me to imagining this protection that he wants to provide, and that I would imagine a lot of people in the history of humanity yearn to find. It is something that we want; we want to know that we are safe, we want to know that we have someone or something that can protect us, and we want to know that someone will be on our side when the goings get tough.

It’s a valid thing want, what with the world being in such a whirling wreck and so much hate all around. And even if you can’t empathise with me, at the very least we wall want to feel safe. I know it’s something that I’ve always imagined, always pined for, and it never appearing. I’ve had it in dreams, so many dreams since a young age, where there is a faceless defender and protector being there to support.

Now I will also clarify that this doesn’t fall the damsel in distress archetype, but more of the moral and physical reinforcement. In my dreams, will the face reveal itself an identity? Will this person ever encounter me, or feel the need or want to protect my wellbeing? Or will it just stay a figment of intangible imagination that will forever linger in my mind?

Sketchy Dream v2.0

Okay so I’ve done a little bit of research and here is the results of what most of the symbols mean ‘apparently’:

Eyes (that were atempting to be solen)

Dreaming that your eyes are injured or closed, suggests your refusal to see the truth about something or the avoidance of intimacy. You may be expressing feelings of hurt, pain or sympathy.

Sounds about right, especially considering my Cancarian tendancies and personality traits.

Parents (that were attempting to steal my eyes)

Seeing your parents in your dream, symbolizes both power, shelter, and love. You may be expressing your concerns and worries about your own parents. Alternatively, it represents the merging of the female and male aspects of your character.

I don’t agree completely with this, especially considering I eventually got adopted in the dream, and the hostility between me and my family!

Adoption (by new parents)

If you dream that you are adopted, then it means that the child within you needs to be released more often; shed some of your inhibitions and shyness.

Boy does this sound about right. Sure I’m shy and need to shed some of those ‘inhibitions’ but honestly it’s hard to, especially in places like this there everyone thinks they know everything about everyone else… It’s univeristy, but it’s like high-school all over again!

Windows (that I saw my parents through, that I saw at my house, that I saw in the new house as they were trying to break in)

Dreaming that you are looking out the window means your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself. Seeing shut windows in your dream means desertion and abandonment. Seeing shattered and broken windows indicates misery and disloyalty.

Wow, this really brought back a lot of thoughts of the dreams (even a week later) about how many there was, and how much glass there was in the dream. It all sounds pretty dead on with me and my life. Yup, I’m pretty complicated, and although I don’t seem like I’m doing anything all the time when I’m talking, my mind is going a million other things at the same time, analyzing actions, people etc., as well as going through all possible situations of things to asses what is best route. I’m definantly over-analytical, but I don’t think it’s obsessive [I hope :-O]

Glass (all the plants and random glass around the house)

Seeing glass in your dream, symbolizes passivity. Dreaming that you are looking through glass, represents your openness and non-defensiveness. Alternatively, you may be putting up an invisible emotional barrier around yourself.

Bang on, yet again.

Cinema (that was inside the house, where I saw a movie I think)

Dreaming that you are in a theater means that you will derive much pleasure from new companionships. Consider also how the performance parallels to situations in your waking life. Observe how the characters relate to you and how they may represent an aspect of yourself. You may be taking on a new role.

This really clicks in my brain because it makes sense becasue I am meeting and getting to know my brother and sister of whom I had very loving feelings for in the dream, since I’ve always wished to have an older brother or sister, but obviously it’s too late for that, and as a result I played mostly by myself as a kid in the corner of the house or in the basement because I couldn’t be bothered to be watched [heaven forbid a cabnet would have fallen on me, I’d be dead today]

Kitchen (in the new house)

Seeing a kitchen in your dream means your need for spiritual nourishment. It also forewarns that you will be met with some depressing news.

Getting the flu? Things going from worse to horrible anytime soon, looking forward to it!

Living Room (new house)

Dreaming that you are in the living room, represents the image that you portray to others and the way which you go about your life. It is representative of your basic beliefs about yourself and who you are.

What are my basic beliefs of myself anyways? I doubt that they are positive very much, oh well, at least I’m honest to myself and don’t make it pretty just so it doesn’t hurt.

Metal (the thing being used to cut my eyes off)

Seeing metal in your dream means strength and character. It may also symbolize the inhumane side of society.

Inhumane side of society indeed! I have nearly no faith in society or in people becasue they are always just a disapointment to me, even when I exect nothing!

Brother (the tall one that worked at the ‘cinema’ and lived in the same room as me)

If you do not have a brother and dream that you have one, then he may symbolize characteristics that you need to acknowledge within yourself. The brother can also be synonymous with a close friend or buddy.

Hmmm, within myself eh? I don’t get it. Don’t think it can symbolize close friend or buddy, considering there are none that are ‘close’, except maybe Gustaf.. Gah don’t confuse me!

Sister (the short one that gave me new clothings)

If you do not have a sister and dream that you have one, then it means some qualities that you need to activate or acknowledge within your own self. Pay attention to the actions and behavior of your dream sister.

Well she more or less went about her business as a ‘professional student’ and did her work and was a perfect little family member. Gosh I wish I grew up with a semi-normal family, I missed out in so much even as a teenager that I’ll never get back or never experience! *bitterness*

I think this is all more or less it, thanks to the dream dictionary for all that random info, and now lots of self-reflection and comments are welcome, becasue I sure as heck don’t know what to think of it all.

Hmm, indeed!

PS: The storyline of the dream was posted 2 entries ago 😉

Sketchy Dream

Okay so I guess it was more of a nightmare becasue I woked up about 20 times last night in paranoia each time because of this dream.. Here’s how it goes:

My parents are trying to ‘steal’ my eyes by killing me or something, so I escape from the back yard to neighbours house where I ask for help and they invite me in to stay with them. I’ve never seen them before, but they are across the street and have a cinema in their living room. It’s really weird, and doesn’t make sense I know but still… It’s important. So the neighbours protect me from my evil parents and him and her have a son and daughter around my age that go to school, and they all study French like me, so I stay at home in locked house while everyone goes to school / does housework. My adopted brother and sister are both really attractive, so I feel awkward since I don’t seem to belong, but then my parents come to try to kidnap me, and my brother saves me, and then I don’t remember some stuff.

So then my new parents set up a meeting with the crazy old parents and they discuss what is going on while I am in chains becasue my eyes are wanted so badly (by the way, yes I know I have amazing eyes:P)

So in the end, I end up living with the new parents and be happier because they actually love me for once and appreciate my company. My normal family is the opposite, and it doesn’t suprise me that in the dream they were trying to kill me, but the whole neighbourhood was all deserted and from the window I could see my old house and the sketchy parents talking to people all the time, plotting the revenge.

How odd eh? I will look the meanings up in my dream book and then write about them later, since now it’s naptime for me as I taught yoga at 06.00 this morning!

Oh confusion

Okay so why is it that interaction with people just makes me more and more confused in so many ways that I don’t even know how to describe. If someone is being a weirdo to me, after knowing them for five years, and me being more open that I’ve ever been with anyone, and I just get ‘I dunno’ or something like that. How can I expect to feel like a human being who interacts with people, when people won’t even interact with me and be hoenst with me.

And so someone makes a decent observation of me tonight too:

21.31.53 ::Ian:: säger:
you are scared of people.. you dont trust anyone…you think people are out to get you
21.32.07 ::Ian:: säger:
you try best to keep yourself out of any danger

How is it that someone I’ve known for about 2 weeks able to make an observation like this, and someone that’s known me for 5 years not? I trust Gus with everything that he would ever ask, and yet when I ask a simple question he can’t be honest with me. I don’t know how to understand this, or why something stupid like this always happens to me.


And I thought that the play that I went to see last night was dramatic! Wow last night totally beat it in the drama department by a lot!

So apart from being upset then being okay again, I got woken up at 03.30 by a loud yell of something like “Pat didn’t do it, Pat didn’t do it” and then a huge burst of glass that sounded to me at first, in my sleepy daze, like a microwave dropping on the floor and waking up. Now after 02.00, it’s supposed to be quiet and people get fined for being noisy, but I guess everyone got woken up because apparently the Dons and Monitors were outside chasing some american-football players that had thrown a piece of wood through our front window. How silly, so people were walking around all night, some of which I didn’t want to see, becasue of aforementioned reasons.

Anyways, after all the kafuffel, I went back to bed trying to sleep, but it took me until about 04.30 to finally do it because my mind was going everywhere thinking about the worst situations that could happen to me for some reason. So I had a thought about walking into the cafeteria and everyone staring at me and then laughing, and then me getting my food not knowing what was going on, still looking at me. So then I hear someone make comment or something, and then I dropped my tray while holding a cup of tea, and then I walk over to someone and give them dirty look and throw the hot water at them for telling others that which happend. And then I storm off and lock myself up in room forever, and leave and get new identity or something..

Sounds silly and over-dramatic, but I have quite the vivid imagination, and I’m so afrad of so many things, so scarying me or something is quite simple, and I panic quite well if under eanormus amounts of pressures.

:DD Funny like a bunny, oh well thankfully none will happen, but golly my mind goes crazy very easily, and it was the first night that I didn’t go to be bed at 22.00!! I was a lil upset that now I wont have energy to complete today!