christmas

Onwards goes the journey and one can not forget the Christmas movies involving the classic Alvin and Chipmunks. There are several, and one of the better ones is the one with the Golden Harmonica, and since I have not seen the more modern versions, so in my book an oldie is a goodie.

Being called a chipmunk as a child really makes this one special. Why a chipmunk? Well I was even more perky and spritly as a youth than as an adult, but one can not forget the chipmunk duo og Chip and Dale. Yes, this dates me a bit. However it is true, in the 90s the jokes were rige, but in the 2010s and 2020s the cultural sphere seems to put the reference more farther afield.

Any ways, back to the song. Squeaky voices, happy messages, as nd the intense childhood desire for none other than… A hoolahoop! Ahh, the simple things.

And in case you wonder to which one of the Chipmunks I most related, id you know me well you’ll know that that answer is simple: Simon!

Enjoy another blast from the past!

Christmas Don’t Be Late

Alright you Chipmunks
Ready to sing your song?
I’ll say we are
Yeah, let’s sing it now!
Okay, Simon?
Okay
Okay, Theodore?
Okay
Okay, Alvin? Alvin? Alvin!
Okay!

Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We’ve been good, but we can’t last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don’t be late

Okay, fellas get ready
That was very good, Simon
Naturally!
Very good, Theodore
He-he-he-he
Ah-Alvin, you were a little flat
Watch it, ah-Alvin… Alvin? Alvin!
Okay

Want a plane that loops the loop
I still want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don’t be late
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don’t be late

Very good, boys
Let’s sing it agan
Yeah, let’s sing it again
No, that’s enough, let’s not overdo it
What do you mean overdo it? We gotta sing it again!
Now wait a minute, boys
Yeah, let’s beat it, I’d like to sing it again

Alvin… it’s not that… not but, what?
Theodore, just a minute…
Simon will you cut that out, get off me

With a trip to the Emerald Isle, we find ourselves reading a poem set to music in the form of Miss Fogarty’s Christmas Cake. Despite the obvious symbols of Christmas goodies being gingerbread, candy canes, sugar cookies, and other minty chocolate goodies, nothing could be less Christmasy than a cake, lest it be a bunt.

Yes that’s right, the famous bunt cake. Strange in its design and depth of rectangle bread-like shape, and covered in strange toppings all leaving a strange “Is this bread, or is this a cake?” inquiry. Well, looking into this Irish melody, you can tell the ingredients are really interesting, and the effect on the eater is metaphorically rather dicy.

So think twice before you take a piece of this delectable festive bunt. And by the way, can this Miss Fogarty be trusted? I mean really, who is she anyways? Instead you can open your ears instead of your mouths, and listen to a less risky journey about an otherwise unknown Christmas bunt cake in this Christmas song. 

Miss Fogarty’s Christmas Cake

As I sat in my window last evening
The letter was brought round to me
A little gilt-edged invitation sayin’
Gilhooley come over to tea
Each Christmas, the Fogartys’ sent it
So I went just for old friendships sake
And the first thing they gave me to tackle
Was a slice of Miss Fogarty’s cake

And there were plums and prunes and cherries
There were citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
There was nuts, and cloves and berries
And a crust that was nailed on with glue
There were caraway seeds in abundance
Such that work up a fine stomach ache
That could kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty’s Christmas cake

Miss Mulligan wanted to try it
But really it wasn’t no use
For we worked in it over an hour
But a piece of it wouldn’t come loose
Till Kelly came in with a hatchet
And Murphy came in with a saw
But Miss Fogerty’s cake had the power
For to paralyze any man’s jaws

And there were plums and prunes and cherries
There were citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
There was nuts, and cloves and berries
And a crust that was nailed on with glue
There were caraway seeds in abundance
Such that work up a fine stomach ache
That could kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty’s Christmas cake

Miss Fogarty proud as a peacock
Kept smiling and talk’n away
Till she tripped over Flanagans brogans
And she spilt the patin in her tea
Aye Gilhooley she says you’re not eat’n
Try a little bit more of me cake
Oh no Miss Fogarty says I
Any more and my stomach would break

And there were plums and prunes and cherries
There were citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
There was nuts, and cloves and berries
And a crust that was nailed on with glue
There were caraway seeds in abundance
Such that work up a fine stomach ache
That could kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty’s Christmas cake

Maloney was hit with the colic
O’Donald’s a pain in his head
Mc’Naughton lay down on the sofa
And he swore that he wished he was dead
Miss Bailey went into hysterics
And there she did wriggle and shake
And all of us swore they were poisoned
From eating Miss Fogarty’s cake

And there were plums and prunes and cherries
There were citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
There was nuts, and cloves and berries
And a crust that was nailed on with glue
There were caraway seeds in abundance
Such that work up a fine stomach ache
That could kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty’s Christmas cake

Yes it would kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty’s Christmas cake

In the spirit of the season, or rather to get me into the spirit of the season, I introduce my Twelve Days of Christmas with musical selections from obscure places and my life. 

To start this, I present to you a childhood staple, Sharon, Lois, and Bram. I had the tapes and its how I learned English at home, though this selection is less English focused. Sometimes I wonder how or why I became a polyglot, and this might be one of those inciting incidents in my life.

Sung in a multilingual version, here it comes… It took awhile to figure out all the languages since I don’t have access to the inlay of the original cassette tape, but I have pretty good ears for languages. ✌️邏

The Twelve Days of Christmas
1. 🇨🇦 A Partrige in a Pear Tree
2. 🇪🇸 Dos palomas blancas
3. 🇫🇷 Trois poussins français
4. 🇯🇵 和の小鳥
5. 🇬🇧 Five Golden Rings
6. 🇮🇱 שש אווזות
7. 🇦🇲 յոթա կարապ լողում էն
8.🇮🇹 Otto ragazze
9. 🇮🇳 नौ ओर ते नाची
10. 🇬🇷 δέκα άνθρωποι πηδούν
11. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Eleven Pipers Piping
12. 🇹🇿 Wapiga ngoma

Happy Holidays!

It happens once in awhile where you encounter a movie or a film that just speaks to you. Recently I’ve had a few that really just pop out to me and leave me begging for more or with a pit in my stomach and the need to binge watch. Today I watched a series through from Episode 1 to Episode 8 without interruption twice through. I just needed to see it again and upon second watch it made me think about something.

You might be wondering what sort of series could have such an impact. Well it could be any number of the fantastic series that have been produced in the last few years. Bridgerton is like a drug that keeps on giving, with the family drama of ancient times that just gives and gives and gives. Merlí, a series about a philosophy professor in Catalonia and the subsequent spin-off Merlï Sapere Aude in which a main character of the original series follows in his inspired teachers footsteps. And then there is the chillingly disturbing series Anatomy of a Scandal which caught me staying up way too late on a Sunday night. David E. Kelly strikes again, I said upon reading the credits. No, dear reader, these are not the series that haunt me in the most positive of ways; this one is more and more inspiring, and unsurprisingly a Netflix series (and let’s be honest, they are all just of a greatly high quality).

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Needless to say, throughout my life I have had a very unlucky time navigating the dating world. Whether it be a result of my asexuality, of my social awkwardness, or of my lack of experience nothing can prepare me for what may happen or what one may find around a new corner.

Photo courtesy of Time Out Abu Dhabi 

I recently travelled to the United Arab Emirates to visit a dear friend and spend Christmas. I was unwilling to spend another Christmas alone, so I ventured to a foreign desert land. While the trip was filled with going here and there, what struck me most was a complete turnaround in my dating life. I’ve been living in Sweden for 3 years and I’ve been on two dates, so as you can imagine that sounds pretty dismal and only one of them was a positive experience.

What might explain this is unknown to me, but I can do nothing else but surmise that what I offer here, is just not wanted. In three years I manage about twenty or so matches on Tinder, a few of which chat to me. I set foot in the UAE and for shits and giggles I load up Tinder. In the span of a few hours, I’m getting matches left right and centre. After two days of swiping, I garnered about 50 matches, most of which were actually talking to me.  I was confused, surprised, and speechless.

I decided to take it somewhere and meet up with a few people for dinner or to hang out at local spots. In 5 days I managed to fit in 6 dates in two cities, Dubai and Abu Dhabi. I can say with positive reflection that while they were a bit nerve wracking to start for fear of police or similar traps, they were all positive experiences. How could this be? How could my luck change so dramatically and my match rate increase to 95 in the span of a few days?

I reflect on it, and possible explanations come to mind. Is it because I’m foreign? Is it because I’m white? Is it because I’m an amazing person? All are possibilities, but I’m lost as for how or why this can be. How can I have more success in dates in a country so repressed and restricted, while living in a free society of Sweden I am a complete lemon? Thinking about it confuses me and makes me very emotional because of the situational irony.

Here I can marry, have children, and live an authentic life and I can’t find a partner, barely even dates. I go to a place where I can’t get married, can’t have kids, and can’t live an authentic and open life and I get several people really interested in me, even for marriage. It just feels like a huge slap in the face, and leads me to question whether it’s something wrong with me, or something wrong with everybody else.

All I can say is I’m thankful, but now even more confused than before.