Andreas Johnson

Photo Courtsey of Stina Stjernkvist/SVT

Plagued by the generally boring entires thus far in the year, the hopefuls for this third week of qualifications bring us more… ballads and copycats. But two stick out as appropriate and personal favourites for me this week. I feel loyal to very few this year, and my reflections demonstrate that fully.

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Ellen Benediktson – Insomnia

When I heard that she would be heading into the competition with a song that is more “her style” I was a bit unsure of what to expect. When one introduces their own style usually that means that it’s not a copy of someone else, but this entry clearly screams Euphoria-wannabe. The chorus and repetition of “insomnia” is annoying, and although the stage presentation appears good, vocals were very nervous to start off but came into themselves. While she can sing, it’s not original enough or good enough to have qualified or to have garnered my respect as a musician. Better luck next time, Ellen.

Kalle Johansson – För din skull

Another WebJoker entry, this one actually is quite good but failed to gather enough attention. While this entry by far wins the “glitter” award for having the most, I’m a bit surprised that it didn’t rise to be a bit better of a standing than 6th place. The song is good enough, but really doesn’t have enough exciting material to sustain our attention for long periods of time. He can sing, and seems pretty at east with the microphone, but ultimately there are better songs. Thomas G:son and Thomas Karlsson did alright, but I don’t really “get” where they are going lately.

Andreas Weise – Bring out the fire
=> Andra Chansen

With the biggest forehead of the competition, a bit unwelcome to Andreas Weise. Let me be clear, I hate ego and I hate people that think they are the shit. This guy is not the shit and he brings a shit song to the stage. The whole time I felt like it was some sort of pathetic Martin Stenmarck Robbie Williams wannabe track. He’s super bro about how much he loves the song and thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I see right through it and I don’t like what I see or hear. Take your big head (and forehead) home and hit it a few times against the wall, or knock it down a few pegs. Sadly the pubic liked this song; probably because he’s an Idol graduate and he needed up in the second chance round – boo Sverige.

Andreas Johnson – Living to die
❗ Personal Favourite

This song is a self professed “best song” that he’s ever sung in Melodifestivalen, and I would flat out agree with him. He’s been in the contest a lot but sadly it’s faired quite poorly in recent years and when it turns out that he comes out in 7th place with an actually pretty good song that I was enjoying, I think it’s safe to say that we won’t be seeing him in Melodifestivalen anymore. If we do I’ll make a big kerfuffle about it, but really I doubt it. I liked the performance and the song – simple, strong, and executed to perfection. A bit boring but Andreas isn’t into big shticks and this one is no different. I’m a bit surprised at how big his hands look on camera, but I assume that it’s a light on dark effect. You know what they say about guys with big hands… they engulf small microphones.

Isa – Don’t stop
=> Finalen

I’m going to preface this review with the utmost of respect, because it all goes downhill from there. Having competed in Junior Eurovision Song Contest is wonderful, but what the fuck is this? For a 16 year old, right from the get-go I was thinking “hooker plz” with that incredibly inappropriate costume. Since when do we allow 16 year olds to wear bras and show their belly buttons and tight pants while wearing a huge pink boa that you would see on a stripper, on TV? If SVT had anything to do with promoting this entry, shame on them because the whole performance made her look like a whore. The hips moving, the outfit, the song which is just rubbish, and to top it all off the Swedish public bought into it. I shake my head in disbelief with this one. By the way, did anyone notice how the contoured shape of her nose makes he look like a drag queen? Just sayin…

Kristin Amparo – I see you
=> Andra Chansen
❗ Personal Favourite

Came out and owned that stage and delivered a strong peformance that is worthy of putting her directly into the final, and alas she’s relegated to the second chance round. A strong song, with amazing vocals, and an imagine that oozes a classy (unlike the last entry) sex appeal. Frederik Kempe and David Krueger nailed it with this creative and new song that didn’t make me think of anything else. It’s original, it’s fresh, it’s performed amazingly, and it’s sad that it didn’t get the attention it deserves. Here’s hoping that this one makes it out to the final, because it’s a hell of a lot more deserving than the automatic qualifiers.

Jon Henrik Fjällgren – Jag är fri (Manne liem frije)
=> Finalen
❗ Personal Favourite

Bursting out onto the scene a few years back is this Sami reindeer herder who jojks. The closest comparison that westerners would have is a native yodeller. It’s original, it’s fresh, and it’s got an incredibly charismatic and shy singer. I went back and watched his audition for Talang Sverige 2014 when he sang a song inspired by his late best friend’s death. It brought me to tears, and while there wasn’t much going on with this performance it’s captivating. Being an orphan in Columbia and being adopted into a Sami family is a touching story to show that he’s come so far. This is by and far the sentimental favourite so far of the year, and I buy it 100%. While some might think it’s a novelty, I feel it and I respect the image infinitely.

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Again suffering from the awkward timezone differences, it’s only further pained due to Filippa Bark’s awkward hosting of the green room. I really hope that SVT fully intended this to be down time that makes me want to pause the stream, because that’s the result. I want to see less of her and more of the artists – you know, like actually them talking.

For a lack of better expression: what the fuck happened tonight? I am at a complete loss for words at the result of the Second Chance round, and I fail to see what happened. Nearly in every case the song that I like didn’t progress, and now I’m stuck listening to the two songs that I precisely didn’t want to ever hear again.

Dynazty – Land of Broken Dreams
❗ Personal Favourite

Despite my dislike for rock music, the melodic rock really works for me. I do have to say that the execution of this particular performance was without a doubt sub-standard. The singing was off and strained at times, and sadly it didn’t result in the voter’s public appeal in comparison to Top Cats (which boggles my mind). Even if they had progressed, I’d have wished their demise against Timoteij.

Top Cats – Baby Doll
=> Globen

The first thing I said when watching this song again, was wow those ears are really big! And then it started, the lead singer began to look better and better looking. It’s a sad day for me, who at some point actually thought he and some of the others were attractive. I wrote about this song before and I’m offended on several levels, but I guess it could have been worse! (Or..?) What struck me also about this performance was the English diction got poorer since the last time.

Andreas Johnson – Lovelight

Dubbed as the feel-good-chorus of the competition (really?) I don’t think this one had a chance in hell. I like Andreas, but all of his music sounds the same and has the same feeling, and for that reason I wasn’t really rooting for him at all. I like his voice, I like his humour, and I like him, but in this competition at this moment I’m glad that he fell.

Timoteij – Stormande hav
❗ Personal Favourite

To say one is disappointed about this not qualifying would be an understatement for me. This was by and large the only song out of the Second Chance round that I felt strongly about. It’s catchy, it’s pretty, it’s simple, and it’s ethno-pop with a pin whistle! Everything I ask for in an entry! Having beaten Andreas in the first quarterfinal I was shocked and appalled to learn they lost their ticket to Globen to Top Cats? Votership must have been down and the retirees must have voted because I’m lost confused.

Thorsten Flinck & Revolutionsorkestern – Jag reser mig igen
=> Globen

Barefoot and minus a lot of makeup form the Semifinals, Thorsten strode his way into the final for reasons that i fail to grasp. The song is depressing, the whole ensemble just made me confused an to make matters worse at the Eftersnack, he couldn’t even get the name of the interviewer right.. He had to ask at least three times after hearing the name “Nisse” and then barely acknowledged it. Beating out Lotta and Christer was a shock, but I get the impression that he’s a lot more full of himself than I give him credit for.

Lotta Engberg & Christer Sjögren – Don’t let me down
❗ Personal Favourite

As cheesy as it is, I actually like this song and it grew on me (thanks to the usage of violins). With great voices and great careers they bowed out to Thorsten Flinck who quite frankly didn’t deserve it in my opinion. Although the song was a bit strange, I did notice that the English pronunciation was indeed sub-standard.

Sean Banan – Sean den Förste Banan
❗ Personal Favourite

Despite it being a complete comedy entry and something so strange to most people’s eyes the song is disturbingly catchy and it’s no wonder that it beat out Youngblood. I’m not happy at all that it failed in the semifinal to go to Globen because quite honestly the final needed something a little “lighter” to deal with the serious songs. If only the comedy act could do better every year..

Youngblood – Youngblood

Boybands are always a tough call, and most of what I wanted to say was noted in the semi-final analysis. This song is not really something that one can toe-tap to, and it’s just a group of “wet dream” teenage guys likely looking to get laid. They are typical 5 guys each with it’s own cardboard cut-out “images” (even one with the underdeveloped bulging muscles). I’m happy it didn’t go anywhere, and it’s safe to say that they can all go back to school where they belong!

The SVT production crew travels to Leksand for the third semifinal in this year’s contest. I can say with quite honesty and frankness that this was by far the worst semifinal of the year, and “thanks” to personal family tragedy, my watching of this even was interrupted.

Youngblood – Youngblood
=> Andra Chansen

At the risk of sounding quite intolerant, I’m slightly disgusted by this entry on several levels. Firstly, self entitled songs based on the group name is tacky. Secondly, as much as I love boy bands, this prepubescent group of boys represents a mosaic that was clearly placed together to represent different social, and ethnic makeup. Further to this they all fit into categories as follows: Hispanic Ghetto, Black Gangster, Typical Preppy, Blonde Jock, and Nerd Gone Wild. The fact that they could be everyone’s wet dreams, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they really aren’t good singers (at least in this presentation) and they got by into Andra Chansen on pure looks, and weakness of other songs. Harsh but true.

Maria BenHajji – I mina drömmar

The webjoker of the year, pre-listened to by the Swedish public, and crashing and burning into dead last place. It’s difficult to find words to describe the beginning part of the song where skills in singing low are displayed, despite the fact that it’s all off key and difficult to figure out if it’s right or not. The song grew on me once she got up from the piano and proved that she could do only one thing at once, but in the end it really wasn’t convincing in any way shape or form.

Mattias Andréasson – Förlåt mig

Arguably one of the expected winners of the evening, this one crashed and burned and I think it’s justified. It’s true that apart of E.M.D., Mattias was quite a heart-throb, and watching him on stage I thought the same thing “dreamboat” and then the camera started zooming in and I got a better look. I started thinking, wow, he’s good looking but I’m not feeling it. Perhaps it was the fact that when he says “förlåt mig” he sounds like a dying cat, or the fact that the song was R&B, but it was not my thing and didn’t do as well as expected. Maybe the pre-pubescent boy-band bedazzled all the teenybopper girls that want Mattias to get all wet and… well I will leave that to your imagination, but ladies (and gentleman) the sad fact is attractive people are nearly always taken.

Love Generation – Just A Little Bit
❗ Personal Favourite

One of a few actual favourites this semi final, I was a bit disappointed by this song. The performance was divine, but the song didn’t convince me. Many people were saying that it was better than last year’s entry but I don’t agree. Perhaps I held the group up to a higher standard because I loved their previous two songs, but this one was catchy but didn’t really speak to me in any way. It just seemed like a bunch of songwriters got together and mashed a chart-topping song out, but didn’t really believe in what they were doing.

Carolina Wallin Pérez – Sanningen
❗ Personal Favourite

At first I was disgusted by this performance and seriousness of the artist. But then I started actually listening and I closed my eyes, and the song spoke to me. I’ve been a fan of Michael Clauss before in the competition, and perhaps it’s that piece of the puzzle that made me feel it. I just got into the groove and as long as I kept my eyes closed I was better off. Please send a memo around to everyone that one sided feather earrings were never in, aren’t in, and won’t ever be as long as I have anything to say about it.

Andreas Johnson – Lovelight
=> Second Chance

Typical Andreas music… that’s really all that I can say. After so many failed attempts at winning, he’s at it again and quite frankly I’m surprised he keeps coming back after not winning over and over again. The song is okay, but it’s just like the same stuff that he sings over, and over, and over, and over, and over. I just was having difficulties paying attention the whole time, and bam he ends up in the second chance round. Frankly though, it’s one of the better songs this week out of a blah selection.

Molly Sandén – Why Am I Crying?
=> Globen

Someone professed their love of Molly to me. It only increased the dislike I have of her. I’m not particularly fond of her voice, I’m not particularly fond of the style of song, I’m not particularly fond of the execution and soul that she puts into her music, but other people eat it up. This said person announced that they felt sorry for Molly because in the final she wouldn’t stand a chance (just like the last time she did a ballad). This is true on multiple levels. I’m just really unconvinced when attractive people talk (or sing in this case) about their breakups or relationship issues. Without continuing on a rant, I feel no sympathy for them, and am disgusted that people like that are complaining about their woes, while the rest of the non-goodlooking people suffer and don’t get any attention at all.

Björn Ranelid feat. Sara Li – Mirakel
=> Globen

We knew that it would be the Björn Ranelid show, and if he didn’t go to the final it would have been an uproar, but my God do I wish I never had to see this person again. Sure he’s a great writer, but uttering poetry while a skanked up singer beats off a dance tune really doesn’t do it for me. Clearly a member of a solarium this entire entry screams fake. Fake singing, fake dancing, fake performing. It was a train-wreck on stage, and I was thankfully taken a way. Hearing the words “kärlken” and “mirakel” have henceforth lost their effect on me, and the “Jaaa, Jaas” that culminate the performance just make me shudder with disgust. For lack of better words, Go The Fuck Home!

Needless to say for the whole week I was in protest of the poor quality of songs for this semi final. I find it hard to believe that SVT didn’t receive some other ones that would have been better, but alas this is how the cookie crumbled. I was left feeling disappointed, hopeless, and disgusted in music. A sad day.

And so we pass into the darklands of Dalarna, to Sandviken (and for a second there I wondered where it was, then said ‘oh prolly in Dalarna’ and sure enough so it is (this means that I have good Swedish geography intuition!)

Without Dolph, was more light. Christine has some weird head-thing that is supposed to be a hat but failed miserably, but didn’t anyone notice that in the intro Måns Zelmerlöw was in the womens bathroom? I noticed, and I loved it.

Eric Saade – Manboy
=> Globen
❗ Personal Favourite

Indeed the question remains what is a manboy? Why is it that I’m a manboy? I don’t think that I could be a manboy; cause I’m still just a boy; or something. This song is funky, mysterious, schlager, popish, and despite the fact that the poor boy clearly comes from the south; I absolutely love it! It makes me wanna just jump up and start dancing around. Though I can’t help but wonder if he doesn’t have control over his facial expressions; he kind of looked like a stunned duck the entire time, and his hair didn’t move at all. And then at the end it was all explained: it was because he hadn’t had a shower yet? Hawt idea; it got my blood flowing!

Andra Generationen & Dogge Doggelito – Hoppara Hoppare

This song sucks, I hate it. I had big hopes from Andra Generationen, but luckily Swedish people agreed with me and voted them out in the first round. It just lacked anything of interest at all and didn’t really have anything about it that made me want to say “oh yeah that’s got potential”… PS: What the fuck is going on?

Anna-Maria Espinosa – Innan alla ljusen brunnit ut

Not a bad song at all by any standards but it’s a ballad and I think that there are too many of them already. She’s okay, she sings well, she looks simple and has got the whole black-slimming, I’m awesome thing going; but it wasn’t enough for me to want to pick up my phone and ring ring ring..

MiSt & Highlights – Come And Get Me Now

As the web wildcard that gained entry into the competition I sort of had high hopes; I was so busy with work I didn’t participate or even pay attention to the preselection at all; but boy did I get disappointed quickly. First off is the copy of Christer Björkmans hideous outfit the week before, and a very “I’m from Belarus” look. But then the guy sings with the most nasal-uninspired way with the most horrible pronunciation of English that I’ve seen in Melodifestivalen. It just wasn’t good English and thus made the song even more dreary. It’s god a decent tune, but the head guy made me wanna throw up on Dolph Lundgren.

Pauline – Sucker For Love
=> Andra Chansen
❗ Personal Favourite

You want sassy; you got Pauline. You want classy; you got Pauline. You want Zimbabwe, you got Pauline. You want Edith Piafish singing, you got Pauline. This song is rocking, and it’s so historical but modern that it makes my skin crawl. She has the best hair by far of the night, and the cute little outfit to make all the other little black Swedish girls jealous. Love it love it love. Don’t know if it’s got the awesomeness that I would dub to get the sångfågel..

Andreas Johnson – We Can Work It Out
=> Globen

No surprise that Andreas got to Globen on the first try, but it is a surprise that he used to have a girlfriend named “Anki” and that he sings a ballad-esque à la man. I don’t know how I feel about this, but it’s no doubt not a question that his popularity has brought him into the final, because I found the song a big weak to start. It also is interesting to note that by himself he seems to do well, but with Carola he tanked. It’s no wonder he was alone on stage this time, and throw Carola into the Dalarna ditches where she belongs. (PS I still love her)

Kalle Moraeus & Orsa Spelmän – Underbart
=> Andra Chansen
❗ Personal Favourite

Well well well, what have we here? A folk-music specialist, who’s been around for ever, and a group of violins that make the hair on my skin stand on ends. This song is creakingly deep and makes my insides sort of rumble and gets me all nervous; I don’t even know why. It’s cute, it’s inspiring, it’s old men, it’s classic, its… Underbart!

Hanna Lindblad – Manipulated
❗ Personal Favourite

Dominatrix à la Sweeeden. I love this so much it makes me want to research leather things, though I know it would make my skin uncomfortable. It’s hawt, it’s Lady Gaga, Madonna, Britney Spears and Skanky Christina from Dirrrty all wrapped up into one performance that is funkadelic! I adore this song, and the only consolation of it not qualifying, is that I get to watch it on SVTPlay all week now! I guess it’s not such a loss afterall!

No surprises this time; one schlager and one superstar goes through (which is basically he norm). I wonder what’s in store next week in by far the most jam-packed awesome lineup for a deltävling that I’ve ever seen including Alcazar, Elin Lanto, and Darin. Who will win, who will fight, who will burn out and be on the struggle bus?! Lets see next weeks..

*please note, screencaps to come soon!*