2013 in Review

Greetings friends and strangers – you will find herein attached a review of my life in 2013 in case you haven’t been following it on Facebook. 

January

  • Waited anxiously the reviews of my applications back to university
  • Found and shared an important read on “How to Have Sex with an Asexual” which is both informative and helpful to possible suitors.

February

  • Dealt with Bell Canada and the horrible internet service that resulted in a complaint to the CRTC
  • Joined a gaming clan to make playing League of Legends more enjoyable
  • Groomed my inner unicorn via: “If you’re going to be a douche, don’t be one to me. My unicorn aura is too fabulous for your bullshit.”

March

  • Discovered that the CRTC backed my complaint and resulted in legal action versus Bell Media for breach of contract.
  • Began my cruised watching CPAC and being a responsible citizen.
  • Lived through a heat wave in the middle of winter.

April

  • Discovered that the one-hit-wonder group B4-4’s song “Get Down” was in fact referring to oral sex, and I had no idea at the time.
  • Waited anxiously for results of applications to universities. 
  • Played tennis for the first time since the injury to my achilles, leg tendons, and calf.

May

  • Go a tweet featured on CBC’s Power and Politics.
  • Got a tweet reply from Green Party Leader and MP Elizabeth May.
  • Discovered who Nigel Wright is, and despite ethical problems, thought he was pretty fine looking. 
  • Listened to the best speech from parliament from MP Jinny Simms on “responsible citizens glued to the TV set.

June

  • Avoided Pride, as per normal. 
  • Was accepted in the University of Windsor, University of Western Ontario, York University, and Nipissing University and decided to attend Nipissing.

July

  • Got a visit from my cousin (aka sister) and her daughter (aka niece) and spent some time in Toronto. It resulted in me feeling dirty.
  • Got a crush on a “Lounge PM” at the Pickle Barrel with whom I flirted pathetically and shamelessly.
  • Slapped myself so hard during a tennis match, that I left a handprint on my thigh.
  • Dealt with bigotry directed towards me for the first time in my life.

August

  • Won a bag from Sveriges Radio.
  • Travelled to North Bay and met my god-father for the 3rd time in my life.
  • Slept in a bed of the hottest person I’ve ever met, alone of course.
  • Met bush people for the first time in my life.
  • Moved to North Bay and began university life at Nipissing.
  • Received an iPad Mini as result of being in a programme at Nipissing.
  • Developed an addiction to karaoke at a local dirty bar in North Bay.

September

  • Built a woodnukshuk in North Bay.
  • Attended the wedding of a cousin. 
  • Competed in a tournament of ultimate frisbee, first time playing the sport ever.
  • Laughed at the government shut down of the United States of America. 

October

  • Had a horribly lonely Thanksgiving, as per normal.
  • Got delayed returning to North Bay with a friend when her truck broke down on a pit stop. 
  • Witnessed a drunk driving accident on campus and didn’t get home until 1am on a school night as a result. 
  • Attended a Scandinavian themed concert of the North Bay Symphony Orchestra. 
  • Dressed up in a morph suit, thanks to spanx and massive layering in “project no-pee.”

November

  • Suffered through a blackout when a nearby transformer exploded during a storm – broke out the candles!
  • Received gifts galore from my students, discovering that they loved me after all, when I thought they hated my guts. 
  • Felt loved for the first time, thanks to said students.

December

  • Decided to try to grow facial hair for the first time in my life.
  • Attended an “ugly sweater party” in an ugly sweater that I purchased at the Goodwill.
  • Performed with the Education Choir and Education Band in our holiday concert.
  • Got sick and missed 2 choir performances. 
  • Attended a semi-formal with my faculty, and got the most attention from members of a specific gender, seemingly because of facial hair.
  • Visited family and my favourite non-sister/brother cousin in Windsor and reiterated to him that I’ll always be there for him if he needs to talk.
  • Developed a flirtationship that is no doubt doomed to be destructive and heartbreaking. 
  • Continued a tradition of not being invited to any New Year plans, going back to 2004, bar 2007, and ate cheese fondue and watched the Muppets all alone.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is a year in review. Thanks for sticking around!