I do not fancy this. I wish you would talk to a trusted friend, though I know you will just say that you have none. I can remember vividly times in my life (particularly in my mid twenties) when I felt so utterly alone and misunderstood, so deeply saddened and by what I cannot discern. I would plod on every day seemingly normal but inside I wanted to die. Tears did not alleviate my despair. What I can tell you is that just as quickly as that state of mind came upon me, it went away. I would just wake up one day with no heaviness in my heart. Looking back I’d say that the bad times often coincided with something that, to others, looked to be good in my life. Perhaps it was that I felt undeserving, guilty of having joy. I’m realy at a loss as to what will ease your burden. Maybe you’ll take comfort in knowing that a somewhat anonymous stranger yearns for you to have peace of mind.