A few comments before I comment on a dissapointing Eurovision-result final evening. This is the first time in 3 years that I haven’t been able to watch any of the shows live, first because my internet service provider, Bell Sympatico, not only puts caps on it’s downloading, but also because there is something wrong with our phone line so it always interuppts the feeds. I could only watch 10 seconds at a time before it disconnected and started over; I was flabbergasted.

But anyways; on to the show!

Romania – Nico and Vlad
This song is well sung but I’m a bit disturbed about a few things. The singers are good, and they are decently looking, but Nico is wearing a suit with jeans on! It’s last year’s Latvia all over again, and since I’m the fashion police I can not permit such an attrocity to occur!

United Kingdom – Andy Abraham
United Kingdom
Major flop. Flop to the max even. This song is so horrible it annoys me. Terry Wogan continues to support his British people, year after year, but year after year they do poorly and it’s not surprising. Instead of keeping your head up your ass, actually be honest about your entry and not so nationalistic and maybe you won’t be criticised so much. Message to the UK: go home until you come up with a good song, that’s like 5 flops in a row now!

Albania – Olta Boka
Still struggling to understand why this is in the final; she keeps her eyes closed too much and it bothers me. Also the heart in the background screen makes my bitter soul and heart twich with disgruntled convultions; why oh why?

Germany – No Angels
❗ Personal Favourite
Okay I have to explain why I like this. The song itself is good, but the performance was horrible. The singing is so off, and only the blonde one can actaully carry a tune. The harmonies make me cringe, and it would be so much better if it was done solo or in a duet with actual singers. Apart from that, it’s not a surprise that they got 12 points from Bulgaria, as one of them is Bulgarian. Who knew, right?

Armenia – Sirusho
❗ Personal Favourite
Huston, we have technical difficulties with earpeice. Despite this problem, it was a good performance and even better than the semifinal. I don’t like her hair so poofy, but it’s okay since I love the song and find the eastern feel very catchy. Qule, qule anytime Armenia. A fourth place finnish is very good, although I would have bumped you to third!

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Laka
Bosnia & Herzegovina
A lot of people find this song interseting, but I find it a tad cheesy and uninteresting. The song is quick, slow, and everything inbetween but the cheesy dancing and uninterested lead singer just takse all the energy away from the song, and country. It’s so much better when we have the empathetic ballads from the balkan countries, but alas things must change!

Israel – Boaz
Huge surprise for me that this song qualified, as I think that the outfit of Boaz should have been shot in the semfiinal; however he’s a good singer, so I guess I can permit Israel to participate, or something. Thankfully this didn’t come in the top 5, but I still don’t believe that it’s top 10 material!

Finland – Teräsbetoni
What a surprise eh? I suppose that there weren’t many choices for the rockers in Europe, but this one was decent. Finland, also to the shegrin of the Swedes, nearly squeaked out the victory ahead of them, but thankflly to Malta Sweden came out on top! Let the men rock on, or something!

Croatia – Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents
Old men from Croatia scare me, comments from previous review stand…

Poland – Isis Gee
Fakest tan ever! I tried so hard to turn my head away during this song because I wasn’t sure what to think. My eyes say YES OMG THE DRESS, and then they say EUWWW THE TAN! This woman is apparently American, but her English singing is so horrible that the words of her song aren’t even audible. Maybe she’s unedcuated, or something? But her voice is pretty, so it’s okay!

Iceland – Euroband
❗ Personal Favourite
This song will garner it’s own personal review in the coming days because I love it so much. It made the top 15, which is fabulous for the island nation! Iceland, Iceland, Iceland. Atlhough my friend Heiðar would be disgusted, I’m so proud of his people and this song!

Turkey – Mor ve Ötesi
I find myself becoming more and more attracted to the eastern feel of this rock song, and the æsthetics of the singer who is just plain.. Turkish! It’s a good song that I enjoy, but it doesn’t make me want to get up and jump, which makes it lose some points chez moi!

Portugal – Vânia Fernandes
Did Vânia gain some weight since Thursday? I don’t know, I’m just kidding. I still don’t get this song, and I will never get Portugal. Some day when the sexually-repressed latino country reforms its systems I will be able to understand it better. But until then, sianora sucker!

Latvia – Pirates of the Sea
❗ Personal Favourite
This performance was better, even though the lead singer fluffed the bridge key-change area. It’s okay, the pirate with more eye-liner on than I wear in a week is allowed to make a few changes. I have further comments though. The lead woman singer has so much cleavage I think it could rival the waves that sufers ride, and then her lip-gloss is so intense that it makes me wonder if she was the whore on board of the ships of pirates that they would just all sleep with. Sorry, that was a random tangent, but alas.. Whoohoo top 15!

Sweden – Charlotte Perrelli
❗ Personal Favourite
What a huge dissapointment for Charlotte, who gave it her all and was just dissapointed with the results. She didn’t do anything wrong, just the voting didn’t go her way. I’ve read some reports that claim that Sweden’s choices might be getting more and more dated, but I stand by the schlagger ways and hope that that future will bring better results. Maybe next year we will win, and I will be able to go to Globen the subsequent year? 😉

Denmark – Simon Mathew
This song still bothers me, but I wouldn’t not give him the time of day. I just think that it didn’t deserve all the votes that it got; casue there is much better that we can vote for, like ICELAND!

Georgia – Diana Gurtskaya
I still don’t get this, and it still managed to make top-12. What is going on, the song just flys under my radar and I barely remember anything other than sunglasses!

Ukraine – Ani Lorak
=> Runner-Up
❗ Personal Favourite
This song was sooo deserving to win, and it damn well should have. Ukranie really has been doing well and have chosen a good variety of songs in the last 5 years, with most of them doing well well. This song, is just plain sexy, well sung, great dancing, just a whole package performance of a small little girl with an enormously powerful voice! It pains me that the competition will be in Russia next year, and not Kiev!

France – Sébastien Tellier
Wow, of the big four countries, France is the only one making a little bit of effort to do better, and actually seeing results. This is not a bad song at all, despite the sketchy appearance of Sébastien. The result is dissapointing, but still better than its been doing in the past; félicitations France!

Azerbaijan – Elnur and Samir
❗ Personal Favourite
Top 10 finish for the début country with their angel, and devil combination with absolutely amazing voices. They are just so entertaining, but I think that the whole show had a little too much “umph” (something I though I would never say, afterall!)

Greece – Kalomira
I am still left lost for words from this song. Everyone has been ranting and raving about it, but I just don’t get it. I find the dancing horrible, the singing nothing special, and the whole presentation just annoying. This comes in third, when better countries came later back; I just don’t understand what everyone else sees.

Spain – Rodolfo Chikilicuatre
This annoys me; go home. You’re even creepier looking than I imagined. In my opinion this is a huge goose-egg!

Serbia – Jelena Tomašević feat. Bora Dugić
❗ Personal Favourite
What a fantastic song! It’s strong, powerful, and filled with the Slavic Ballad feeling that we know so well and love. It has a great result as a host country, and even got votes from around Europe, and not just it’s Slavic brothers and sisters! I’m really quite happy with this entry, and it was quite an honour to hear.

Russia – Dima Bilan
=> Winner
This is the hugest dissapointment of the entire competition. I am not happy with this result, as I find Dima Biland incredibly annoying and a poor singer. Not only that it’s horribly cheesy with Evgeni Plushenko, figure skater being a person to promote and skate in the show. I just don’t like this song at all, as his previous song was better and had been more of a chance to win. I hate the fact that it’s going to Russia next year, and bothers me even more that he runs around naked and jumps around and has really poor English. At lest now the Russians can shut the fuck up about never winning, and we won’t go back there for another few decades, I can only hope!

Norway – Maria Haukaas Storeng
❗ Personal Favourite
This is a great song, simple, and good vocals. She wears her clothings well, and she sings to the audience with great perfessionalism. It’s not by any means a surprise that Norway came in 5th place, even though I would have put it behind Sweden (of course).

So as you can gather from my Russian review, I’m very dissapointed with the results of this competition. The voting seemed bias as always, and I can only hope that the former Soviet republcis and Eastern European countries can come away from their trends of voting for the mother land. But at least they finally won, and can now shut up about it. Just sadly next year I will have to see his face again, as they will probably make him one of the hosts. If that’s the case he has a lot of English to learn first!