What is it that I do on days in which I have nothing to do? Watch cheezy British films of course! But this one was better than cheezy, it’s actually the best film that I’ve seen in quite awhile, which makes me quite sad, unfortunately. But it’s really a good film with funny one-liners and dry humour. It’s a bunch of school boys who are preparing for exams to enter into Oxford and Cambridge for history; and so they get special classes and special teaching for special students. The amazingness that goes on, makes me jealous about not going to a “grammar school.” It’s so good that I am even attaching sniplets because it’s so amazing!

Ms. LintottI hesitate to mention this, lest it occasion a sophisticated groan… But it may not have crossed your minds, but one of the dons who interviews you may be a woman. I’m reluctant at this stage in the game to expose you to new ideas, but having taught you all history on a stricly non-gender orientated basis, I just wonder whether it occurs to any of you how dispirintg this can be.
[pause]
Ms. Lintott: Am I embarrassing you?
Sribbs: A bit miss. It’s not our fault, it’s just the way it is.
Lockwood: The world is everything, and that is the case, Miss. It’s Vicktenstein, Miss.
Ms. Lintott: Yes, yes I know it’s Vicketnstein thank you.
[pause]
Ms. Lintott: Can you for a moment imagine how depressing it is, to teacher five centuries of macsculin ineptitude? Why do you think there are no women historians on TV?
Scribbs: No titts.
Mr. Hector: Hit that boy!
Scribbs: Sir you can’t Sir!
Ms. Lintott: I’ll tell you why! Because history is not such a frolic for women that is for men. Why should it be that anything around the conference table? In 1919 for instance they just arranged the flowers, then gracefully retired. History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapiabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind… with the bucket.

No words needed, simply dashing.

Posner: Do you ever look at your life?
Mr. Irwin: I thought everyone did.
Posner: I’m a Jew… I’m small… I’m homosexual… and I live in Sheffield.
[pause]
Posner: I’m fucked.

Dakin: I’m just kicking the tyres on this one but, further to the drink, what I was really wondering was whether there were any circumstances in which there was any chance of your sucking me off.
[pause]
Dakin: Or something similar.
[pause]
Dakin: Actually, that would please Hector.
Tom Irwin: What?
Dakin: “Your sucking me off.” It’s a gerund. He likes gerunds. And your being scared shitless, that’s another gerund.

Ms. Lintott: The new man seems clever
Mr. Hector: He does, depressingly so.
Ms. Lintott: Didn’t you try for Oxford?
Mr. Hector: Cambrdige… Cloysters, ancient libraries, I was confusing learning with the smell of old stone. If I had gone, I probably never would have worked out the difference.
Ms. Lintott: Durham was very good for history. It’s where I had my first pizza. Other things too, of course, but it’s the pizza that stands out.
Mr. Hector: Dakins a good looking boy, although sometimes sad.
Ms. Lintott: You always think they’re sad, Hector, every every time. Actually I wouldn’t have said he was sad. I would have said he was cunt-struck.
Mr. Hector: Dorothy!
Ms. Lintott: I’d have thought you’d have liked that. It’s a compound adjective. You like compound adjectives.
Mr. Hector: Yes, quite.
Ms. Lintott: Ah, they’re going walk-about.
Mr. Hector: Oh yeah.

Oh the lives of history and literature teachers must be so amazingly fun, that they are amazed by a walk around of the park. Better hold off on those pizzas before you get a little over-excited about it all! But this is what happens when I’ve got nothing interesting to do, and the weather is nice. I just watch the same move all day long because it’s simply brilliant.

On a happier note, I speak English and French both better. So don’t be surprised or shocked mother when I come home with new prounciations for words like tomatoes, vitamins, advertisements, garages, for the new ways are the proper ways. After all, it’s just a running commentary on the incapiabilities of men, excluding me of course; because I’m that awesome!

PS: As a side note, I have finally seen the type of bag that I want to buy myself for school; it’s one of those old school British style portfolio bags that look like briefcases, but aren’t hard, and have partitions in the inside and goes over the shoulder. Now I just need to go into town or around to find them!

• british english dry humour prounciation the history boys