I got a call this morning from my friend Travis from Colarado, who is in Vermont for the summer working, and he said that they were driving by Buffalo so he and his friend wanted to come visit me. I was 1) floored, and 2) nervous as hell.

I knew this guy was a great guy, but he absolutely floored me in every single way you can’t imagine. I met up with him after I ran an errand, so I took the bus in 1 hr to Toronto, then met him at the famous Eaton’s Centre. I had seen pictures of him before, but when I say him standing there with his blue t-shirt, I was just like omg. My eyes lit up and I couldn’t stop smiling from that moment on. I have known him for 3 years, and I never thought that I would meet him ever, since he lives so far away, but it turns out that he likes me way more than I thought he did, and I think he’s awesome.

So we went to lunch, and I showed the two of them around the city and we got lost, but that’s okay! Lunch/Dinner was amazing, and we just talked, and the entire time I was on cloud nine. It was amazing but I knew something was a little off, and I couldn’t put my finger on it until after I walked them back to their fulled up car.

I said goodbye, and they both thanked me for a great time, and I gave him a huge hug and never wanted to let go, but I did. And about 5 mins later I get a sms from him thanking me and saying he had a great time, and that he missed me already. 😳 I couldn’t help but reply the truth, that I felt the same way, and then he sent back another message saying that he was sorry that it couldn’t have been more ‘private’ of a meeting, since that’s what he really wanted, but maybe one day. My only fear is that it’s one day so far in the future that it’s impossible and things will have changed.

It’s like 3 hours since I got home after going to H&M to get some clothes, and I’m still like totally infatuated feeling like I’m a crazy person. I can’t stop smiling, and feeling happy, however the sad part is that I am realistic and I know that this is going nowhere. I’m going to France, he lives in Colorado, and it’s just so far apart. It’s so unfair. This is the first time I’ve had feelings for someone who’s remotely homosexual, and isn’t something that I can easily compare with a girl. He’s like the perfect country boy, the exact thing that I’ve always imagined, and hoped for but it’s also the thing that slips from my fingertips and I will never have chance for.

I’m still happy, but I feel that after I sleep I will be feeling very bleh that the day ended, and sad that this is the most exciting thing that’s happend all summer, and probably in my entire life. Now that’s sad! I am prolly leaving out so many details, but I can’t help it.. I’m delusional.

Btw. Yes Tobias you’re the only one who can read this, but feel free to comment please anyways!