So during the time that I am supposed to be halfway to USA I thought that I would explain why I am so independant sometimes. This ‘situation’ is a perfect example of why I am this way.

It’s horrible of me to say the following things, but I think it’s damn time that I be a little bit selfish, espeically after looking forward to my first vacation in 11 years, and first time to the beach. I know that Jim (my ride) is having ‘personal issues,’ that is to say his mother is not doing so well healthily, but even after having planned this for him 1 year in advance, he delays our departure by 12 hrs so that he can be with his mother.

I talked with Jean, and we both can’t understand why he couldn’t have just called his brother to come help, since he knew ahead of time that he would be out of the country.

So what is the result of the delay? I am delayed, Dan is delayed, Parker is delayed, and Jean is freaking out becasue she is afraid that we won’t be able to make it because Jim will bail, and he’s the only way for us to get there. This is the exact reason why I do everything myself, becasue if I rely on anyone else for anything it’s always a dissapointment for me in the end.

Not just this situation, but in school, or in life, or just anything. People never do things they say they will for me, so I just have learned to figure it out myself so at least something will get done. It’s so selfish of me to say all this stuff, but honestly now, 11 years and no vacation? I think it’s pretty fair of me to judge other people at this point after giving them the benefit of the result for my whole life.

Why do I even try anymore? What’s the point for me to even try things or learn to trust others, when all that anyone has ever done for me is fail for me?