So I’ve come to some very serious realisations in the recent days. I never realised how difficult it is to be me. I find myself constantly tired, constantly spending energy on things where I shouldn’t. What does this mean, and in what ways am I expending copious amounts of energy? Well for starters it feels like I’m forever fighting against something. Whether it be mentally or physically it’s always an uphill struggle for me in every way.

I’m not saying that others have it easier, but by the way it seems in my perception, a lot of people don’t seem to be constantly having a battle against others or with themselves. What does this say about me, in truth? I think it says a lot, but there isn’t really much that I can do about it. The insight that I’ve gained in the past days leads me to some interesting things to think about. What better than to isolate myself and think about them truly. But what’s the catch. As we are well aware, the more I isolate myself or be alone, the worse things get, and the more serious and drastic my thought process and physical manifestations become.

But seriously, all this constant fatigue is just bothering me. I can’t manage to have enough energy to do anything more than a sloth, and what does this do? It simply has a negative impact on the rest of my life and of my actions. I feel useless as if I can’t do anything, and it’s not like I’m starving myself as I’ve done in the past. I’m actually eating healthily, and I’m still tired after sleeping 8hrs in one evening. It’s just so exhausting having to haul my fat ass out of bed every morning to go into a job that I so clearly am unhappy with.

It’s all just so draining, and I’m hoping for some relief at all, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to get any. Won’t somebody please come to my aid?

Today is a lazy day and I’m sitting at work with the weather outside going to be quite warm when I walk out. I really didn’t have much to say other than the fact I’m getting caught up and I will be making some great entries soon about some stuff that I wanted to talk about.


Until then have a look at my office and workstation and see how I look everyday!

So I’ve been really slack lately but that’s because there are tons of exciting things going on. Tomorrow I’m waking up the earliest that I’ve woken up since May, 07.00. It should be illegal for people my age, but at any rate it’s because I’ll be working at the Open House that we are holding for prospective schools in the Martimes region, so my boss is a drama queen and all stressed out so it filters down onto us.

Last weekend was exciting as I went to the Pub with Rohseen and Crystal, and I had a little too much to drink, and subsequently made myself throw up to feel better about sleeping. The morning after was death and I’ve never had a head-ache as badly as I had that one right there. XX( As I always say, never again (at least until next Saturday!)

I wrote a mid-term on Monday and it went much better than I thought, but unfortunately the Stylistique mid-term came back and it was an unpleasant surprise; but I’m talking to the prof about it, the crazyness and unexpectedness of it.

So what’s all this about a stalker you wonder? Well here’s the skinny. On Saturday while I was chez mes amis, we had some letters being dropped off at the door as what we thought were pranks. I thought it was Hussian, so I responded to it with a snide pun, and we got letters for the next few days. It creeped out my friends and I enough that we called the RCMP, and yes there’s a stalker. We’ve more or less been under “lockdown” and I’m avoiding this house as much as possible in fears of bad things. :`(

What does this equal? More paranoia on my part, and sms’ from the RCMP on my mobile asking if I’m alright. At least they are looking out for me, I wish I could say the same about my roomates, who continue to neglect to lock the door and respect the safety of several people in the house. :**: Further to this comment, rude remarks, manipulation, and general immaturities are making living in such a place incredibly tedious. I really don’t know what to do, or how to feel, but I can’t be so discrete anymore about my discomfort, because without me doing anything it’s affecting other people.

My advice? Grow up. :-/

Rosheen and I went to the boy’s rugby match last week and I’ll be posting a video from it, for those who have never seen rugby. It was cool but in the rain, mostly because she was stalking one of the players who she thinks is out of her league. She needs to just jump on that horse (not literally), but she’s too shy. Work on that girl!


In other random news, I have the photos from homecoming finally so they are posted as following and above. This was during the game, as well as the “excitement” post-winning. It’s really not that exiciting, but I guess we can post this as being “non-habitual”, don’t hate me!


Apart from all this nothing exciting is going on, except for our Big Stop in Aulac trip which I’ll write about in a bit.

Firstly, fail to observe how bored I appear, and how unimpressed I am at this hour of the night…

Yes so that’s all so interesting, and for the record, no I’m not lazy-eyed, it’s just how the photo came-about. And by the way, the lime-green-bandana is just there for decoration to make me different from everyone else, because I feel that I need to differentiate myself for some odd reason.

So I looked into ‘jobs’ or such for going abroad this summer, but I found out that it takes 2-3 months to get a work permit, although I can visit and stay with someone or family for up to 3 months without visa (and not work, legally at least).

Honestly I just need to talk to someone about it, but since I’m the only one home all day with nothing to do, nobody is around and I’ve got nothing to do but read, read, and read about it, and discover more and more that I won’t be able to do it.

In addition to that, I called my old employer and he would like me to come back, but he doesn’t know about hours, because he has a meeting with the owner of the company on Tuesday-next and that will decide what will happen to the branch, which could leave me, and my mother without jobs there (and thus leaving the family with no father or mother jobs). I will keep looking around for others places, because I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but I really would like to work there again! And if not, I can possibly go to UVL headquarters, but that’s in Mississauga, and that’s a LONG treck to get there everyday.

I just need options, and to make a decision because time is running out, and I don’t know what to do because my options are limited!