It’s been about a year now since I haven’t played a match in tennis, and it’s kind of making me really sad and depressed. I was looking through some old photos of when I went to Ottawa for a tournament, and I found some videos and such and while I was listening to them it made me think of something…

In all the tournaments that I took part in during the time there, and all the stuff that I did to contribute to the ‘team’ and everything, I never got anything in return. All the times that I would cheer people on through tough matches, or even through easy matches, I never was supported. Nobody even ever watched my matches. I thought of it way back when, and it probably contributed a large portion to my lack of self worth and self confidence, but it didn’t become so pronounced until I saw the video where Lindsey, clearly says to Kyle “Common Kyle, you can do it!”

I can’t remember how many times that I looked to my coach sometimes for support, or to people I knew, only to find them looking elsewhere in my time of need. Why do people do this, when I’m so supportive to them? Why can’t people return favours? Why am I expected to survive such enduring hardships?

So many questions with no answers; except the one that I know. They just didn’t care. So why did I? Thought provoking, no?

On a happier note, I am going to send an e-mail to the tennis club in Strasbourg to get info on membership and how to find people to play with.

Jag är en litte tekanna
Kårt och bastant,
Det här är mitt handtag och det här ar min pip;
När jag ångar överallt, då roper jag,
Tippa mig över och häll mig ut.

This is a lovely song that I translated from English that is a nice children song, and I sung it for Robert, Jean, Lyndon, and James. I think they liked it, but it would have been better with video and the hand motions and such! It would be really cute and such.

And then I got some special present, which was a nice tour of a new apartment, but since I promised not to say anything about it; I won’t! Other than it’s very nice and I can’t wait to live in an apartment just like it.

Tennis training is T-minus eight hours with the person whom I heat more than anything, Brian my former tennis coach. Cris gave me a three lessons for my birthday, and this is number two; after the first which was me surprising Brian and him being rude. Anyways…

Meet Joe Black is on TV, and I think I missed the first 20 minutes, so I’m not sure what’s going on but I hope to be clued in becasue I hear that it’s quite a nice film. Oh well!

The tea pot spouts and is all boiled up!

Madness is the wrong word to make for such a day. I woke up at like noon and then lounged around all day doing nothing. I called up an old tennis friend to see if she wanted to go and hit some, and she agreed and she said she would call from her mobile phone when she got done from doing errands.

I must say, how un-dependant ANY of my real life friends are, it’s absolutely amazing to note how many times they fail, and it’s nearly horrible to think why I continue to depend on them. If someones says that they will do something, I can’t help but assume that they will do it, but with all the people in tennis that I depend on, I’m surprised that I am even still playing.. And barely!

So she calls and tells me all this shit about her forgetting she had to work and blah blah blah, and I just tell her it’s fine and whatever and hang up since I hate telephones, and I hate dealing with stupid stuff like this. She’s 22 years old, you think she would know when she works? Whatever, so I was sitting around since 14.00 for a call in my tennis clothes, and it finally came at 17.23 when I was about getting ready to make dinner, and she try to seem like it’s no big deal. I can’t help but be a little bit upset and botherede dsince what she do is so stupid and undependable. I don’t think that there will be any depending on her, or any of my other ‘real life friends’ for awhile, as none can be trusted.

Waky Mondays indeed! Maybe tomorrow will be more productive.

So should I be remembering or caring about things that happend in 2001/2002? My gut instinct says no, but apparently things go otherwise. People say that having a good memory is a gift; but for me, it’s always been a curse that makes things a million times worse.

So what suppurred the, lay in bed, crying, all upset, fall alseep for a nap and never wanting to get up mood? I just had a memory about someone that I was in love with a few years ago.

So I tell the story, abbreviated and with names hidden, and events generalized.
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So right now is probably not the best time for me to be writing about my so called ‘life’ because I’m quite enraged. To be honest, I don’t get upset easily, but after tonight’s events, not only am I upset but I’m madder than I have ever been before (including at myself). How can people sink so low, that they are pressured into doing things that are morally, and just plain stupid.

House Executive ‘Initiation’ was tonight while I was at a French play, and quite frankly; I come home to a house in dismay, and people so sick that it would be mistaken for an American frat house (with girls living there). Three members of the executive next year were pressured into getting drunk for the first time to a point where two were sent to the hospital; and the worst part, is they dont even drink! They were pressured into it, as the old exec. cited ‘honour’ or ‘duty’. I have never heard more stupid stuff in my life!
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