Delving deeper into the depths of our asexuality quest, the next stop is the aromantic orientation. Basically what this means is that a person does not experience or has little romantic attraction. This is not exclusive to the asexual community, because some people that are any other orientation (allosexual or asexual) might be included depending on their levels of attraction.
Many of these people end up spending their lives outside of relationships and surrounding themselves with friends with whom they can spend their time and have their emotional and social needs met.
When speaking about aros (aromantics) it’s important to recognize and consider the different varieties of relationships that might apply: platonic, acquaintance, collegial, familial or other. Each is a bit different in themselves, but also similar in some ways. As a basis this video is an aromantic explaining how she feels:
Whether it be an asexual or allosexual, romantic, or aromantic, it’s important to respect the needs of others as they might not be what assume, or want. People are, of course, individuals and need to be treated as such, with the same respect that we expect ot be bestowed upon ourselves. This is especially important for communities where the mosaic is being woven with more colours than ever before!
Despite unfavourable fortunes as outlined in my horoscope for the day or week, and seemingly frivolous attempts at maintaining and manifesting friendships in a positive manner, I find myself for the last few days at a loss and on the suffering end.
As polite as it may be to inform someone that you are terminating a friendship in a somewhat of an amicable way, doing so with a back handed compliment doesn’t serve much purpose or benefit for anyone. I’m sure most people would prefer an abrasive end to friendship or correspondence.
So you compliment someone on their gentlemanly and kind nature and yet don’t see that as being good enough to maintain a friendship? Really? – You can’t be serious.
Shocking as it may seem. I’m not overly surprised given peoples lack of social ettiquite in this day and age. Take for instance a normal friendship; should it be like pulling teeth all the time to correspond? Should there be a lot of flaking by someone and cancelling of scheduled meetings? Should you really invite 20 people to an event if you want 10 to show up?
Its all really ridiculous and I don’t think its appropriate at all. People are so capable of cutting people out of their lives now. All you have to do is click a block button and you’ll never need to deal with them again. As simplistic as that is, its quite irritating. We make such an effort to try to make friends with only ones with whom we share a common interest or dedication.
However, that’s not realistic or representative of daily life. We all encounter people we aren’t particularly fond of, but we have to develop a tolerance to their stupidity and/or aggravations in order to obtain a goal, or finish something by deadline.
Why can’t we just take the same advice and apply that theory to the rest of our interactions with people and become more tolerant and have a plethora of types of people in our social circles and not block them from our lives because they don’t fit like a puzzle?
The realist in me knows it won’t ever happen, but the humanist side is depressed and hopelessly committed to obtaining that.
So I had an interesting thought this evening, and it developped into an idea and then a plan before I realized I would be intentionally sabotaging the situation. What was the notion? Well I’ll tell you:
I was chatting with an eFriend today who lives in the same town as me, whom I’ve know since last October and still haven’t met (not due to my own persistence).) He mentioned that he was going out dancing tonight, a Wednesday. I laughed because my first thought and question was if he was going alone or with friends. He snarled back citing negativity and such.
I guess it is kind of sad that my mind automatically defaulted to the image of me going into a disco alone, nobody paying attention, then leaving hours later and subsequently bursting out into tears for what the reason may be.
And it was this forever elusive “friend” that reminded me that it doesnt have to be like that. Well again I laughed when he commented that “of course” he wasn’t going alone because he’s “not crazy” clearly. Where does that leave me?
But seriously… it got me thinking and wondering why my mind automatically jump to that outlandish situation. It became obvious that the reason I jumped to the “fly solo” train is because any friends that I have are: 1) married, 2) in a serious long term relationship, or on the verge of marriage, 3) don’t have free time, or 4) don’t have time or energy to support platonic relationships with their “friends.”
Let’s be honest here… friendships take a lot of work but it’s a two way street and without traffic flowing on the opposite side of the street, what’s the point?