When someone asks to be saved what does it mean? I’m referring of course to the saving expression when someone isn’t about to die, but rather the more euphemistic version that someone says when they are healthy and in no perilous circumstance.

Are we looking for a prince charming, a burly older man, a petite woman, a butch or lipstick lesbian, or something else? Is this person supposed to whisk us away, hold our hand for support, help us run away, or just want to ravage us in bed with sexuality? Is that person strong, kind, empathetic, or is it not even a person at all?

Its a cry for help, moat assuredly but the question of course is what is behind that request or plea?

I don’t think I imagine royalty but more simply someone to come and change what I think, what I feel, how I see the world, and how I react. Its never happened to me get, I don’t expect it to ever happen, but I’m open to the possibility and open minded to what comes thereafter.

What about my interpretation in a more general sense? I’m a Cancer, a deeply loyal dreamer that’s sensitive and is fickle. I’m not asking for royalty, or richness or a dream come true and once upon a time ending… I want a change of perspective, an unconditional devotion, a person that likes me for me and takes me away to help me be who I’m destined and deserving to be. Most importantly this person needs to make me laugh and be kind.

So in the spirit of letting free and hitting rock bottom: Please, save me cause Lord knows I deserve it!

So I had an interesting thought this evening, and it developped into an idea and then a plan before I realized I would be intentionally sabotaging the situation. What was the notion? Well I’ll tell you:

I was chatting with an eFriend today who lives in the same town as me, whom I’ve know since last October and still haven’t met (not due to my own persistence).) He mentioned that he was going out dancing tonight, a Wednesday. I laughed because my first thought and question was if he was going alone or with friends. He snarled back citing negativity and such.

I guess it is kind of sad that my mind automatically defaulted to the image of me going into a disco alone, nobody paying attention, then leaving hours later and subsequently bursting out into tears for what the reason may be.

And it was this forever elusive “friend” that reminded me that it doesnt have to be like that. Well again I laughed when he commented that “of course” he wasn’t going alone because he’s “not crazy” clearly. Where does that leave me?

But seriously… it got me thinking and wondering why my mind automatically jump to that outlandish situation. It became obvious that the reason I jumped to the “fly solo” train is because any friends that I have are: 1) married, 2) in a serious long term relationship, or on the verge of marriage, 3) don’t have free time, or 4) don’t have time or energy to support platonic relationships with their “friends.”

Let’s be honest here… friendships take a lot of work but it’s a two way street and without traffic flowing on the opposite side of the street, what’s the point?

Some things are like needles in a haystack, or whatever culturally equivalent idiom that relates best to that one in English.

I mostly thought of this because I saw someone log online, and well, I guess I had forgotten to delete them. It reminded me of how horrible it is to meet new people; and how finding decent people are like looking for a person named Nguyen in Vietnam… in other words there are millions.

People mostly are douchebags, but I don’t understand why the odds are so stacked and why the percentage of probability is so low, and furthermore why I always get the short end of the stick!

Did you know that for every one new relationship that is formed, that means at there is 80% less time for other friends for both people in the relationship?

Of course it’s understandable that people want to get to know each other and spend time with the people that they are in a relationship, but did it ever occur to them that their friendships will be negatively affected? There are of course exceptions, but something always have to give.

What’s the purpose of this post? To indicate to the world that I’m one of those people that are negatively affected.

Simply put: Relationships Suck!

Madness is the wrong word to make for such a day. I woke up at like noon and then lounged around all day doing nothing. I called up an old tennis friend to see if she wanted to go and hit some, and she agreed and she said she would call from her mobile phone when she got done from doing errands.

I must say, how un-dependant ANY of my real life friends are, it’s absolutely amazing to note how many times they fail, and it’s nearly horrible to think why I continue to depend on them. If someones says that they will do something, I can’t help but assume that they will do it, but with all the people in tennis that I depend on, I’m surprised that I am even still playing.. And barely!

So she calls and tells me all this shit about her forgetting she had to work and blah blah blah, and I just tell her it’s fine and whatever and hang up since I hate telephones, and I hate dealing with stupid stuff like this. She’s 22 years old, you think she would know when she works? Whatever, so I was sitting around since 14.00 for a call in my tennis clothes, and it finally came at 17.23 when I was about getting ready to make dinner, and she try to seem like it’s no big deal. I can’t help but be a little bit upset and botherede dsince what she do is so stupid and undependable. I don’t think that there will be any depending on her, or any of my other ‘real life friends’ for awhile, as none can be trusted.

Waky Mondays indeed! Maybe tomorrow will be more productive.