A few comments before I comment on a dissapointing Eurovision-result final evening. This is the first time in 3 years that I haven’t been able to watch any of the shows live, first because my internet service provider, Bell Sympatico, not only puts caps on it’s downloading, but also because there is something wrong with our phone line so it always interuppts the feeds. I could only watch 10 seconds at a time before it disconnected and started over; I was flabbergasted.

But anyways; on to the show!

Romania – Nico and Vlad
Romania
This song is well sung but I’m a bit disturbed about a few things. The singers are good, and they are decently looking, but Nico is wearing a suit with jeans on! It’s last year’s Latvia all over again, and since I’m the fashion police I can not permit such an attrocity to occur!

United Kingdom – Andy Abraham
United Kingdom
Major flop. Flop to the max even. This song is so horrible it annoys me. Terry Wogan continues to support his British people, year after year, but year after year they do poorly and it’s not surprising. Instead of keeping your head up your ass, actually be honest about your entry and not so nationalistic and maybe you won’t be criticised so much. Message to the UK: go home until you come up with a good song, that’s like 5 flops in a row now!

Albania – Olta Boka
Albania
Still struggling to understand why this is in the final; she keeps her eyes closed too much and it bothers me. Also the heart in the background screen makes my bitter soul and heart twich with disgruntled convultions; why oh why?

Germany – No Angels
❗ Personal Favourite
Germany
Okay I have to explain why I like this. The song itself is good, but the performance was horrible. The singing is so off, and only the blonde one can actaully carry a tune. The harmonies make me cringe, and it would be so much better if it was done solo or in a duet with actual singers. Apart from that, it’s not a surprise that they got 12 points from Bulgaria, as one of them is Bulgarian. Who knew, right?

Armenia – Sirusho
❗ Personal Favourite
Armenia
Huston, we have technical difficulties with earpeice. Despite this problem, it was a good performance and even better than the semifinal. I don’t like her hair so poofy, but it’s okay since I love the song and find the eastern feel very catchy. Qule, qule anytime Armenia. A fourth place finnish is very good, although I would have bumped you to third!

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Laka
Bosnia & Herzegovina
A lot of people find this song interseting, but I find it a tad cheesy and uninteresting. The song is quick, slow, and everything inbetween but the cheesy dancing and uninterested lead singer just takse all the energy away from the song, and country. It’s so much better when we have the empathetic ballads from the balkan countries, but alas things must change!

Israel – Boaz
Israel
Huge surprise for me that this song qualified, as I think that the outfit of Boaz should have been shot in the semfiinal; however he’s a good singer, so I guess I can permit Israel to participate, or something. Thankfully this didn’t come in the top 5, but I still don’t believe that it’s top 10 material!

Finland – Teräsbetoni
Finland
What a surprise eh? I suppose that there weren’t many choices for the rockers in Europe, but this one was decent. Finland, also to the shegrin of the Swedes, nearly squeaked out the victory ahead of them, but thankflly to Malta Sweden came out on top! Let the men rock on, or something!

Croatia – Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents
Croatia
Old men from Croatia scare me, comments from previous review stand…

Poland – Isis Gee
Poland
Fakest tan ever! I tried so hard to turn my head away during this song because I wasn’t sure what to think. My eyes say YES OMG THE DRESS, and then they say EUWWW THE TAN! This woman is apparently American, but her English singing is so horrible that the words of her song aren’t even audible. Maybe she’s unedcuated, or something? But her voice is pretty, so it’s okay!

Iceland – Euroband
❗ Personal Favourite
Iceland
This song will garner it’s own personal review in the coming days because I love it so much. It made the top 15, which is fabulous for the island nation! Iceland, Iceland, Iceland. Atlhough my friend Heiðar would be disgusted, I’m so proud of his people and this song!

Turkey – Mor ve Ötesi
Turkey
I find myself becoming more and more attracted to the eastern feel of this rock song, and the æsthetics of the singer who is just plain.. Turkish! It’s a good song that I enjoy, but it doesn’t make me want to get up and jump, which makes it lose some points chez moi!

Portugal – Vânia Fernandes
Portugal
Did Vânia gain some weight since Thursday? I don’t know, I’m just kidding. I still don’t get this song, and I will never get Portugal. Some day when the sexually-repressed latino country reforms its systems I will be able to understand it better. But until then, sianora sucker!

Latvia – Pirates of the Sea
❗ Personal Favourite
Latvia
This performance was better, even though the lead singer fluffed the bridge key-change area. It’s okay, the pirate with more eye-liner on than I wear in a week is allowed to make a few changes. I have further comments though. The lead woman singer has so much cleavage I think it could rival the waves that sufers ride, and then her lip-gloss is so intense that it makes me wonder if she was the whore on board of the ships of pirates that they would just all sleep with. Sorry, that was a random tangent, but alas.. Whoohoo top 15!

Sweden – Charlotte Perrelli
❗ Personal Favourite
Sweden
What a huge dissapointment for Charlotte, who gave it her all and was just dissapointed with the results. She didn’t do anything wrong, just the voting didn’t go her way. I’ve read some reports that claim that Sweden’s choices might be getting more and more dated, but I stand by the schlagger ways and hope that that future will bring better results. Maybe next year we will win, and I will be able to go to Globen the subsequent year? 😉

Denmark – Simon Mathew
Denmark
This song still bothers me, but I wouldn’t not give him the time of day. I just think that it didn’t deserve all the votes that it got; casue there is much better that we can vote for, like ICELAND!

Georgia – Diana Gurtskaya
Georgia
I still don’t get this, and it still managed to make top-12. What is going on, the song just flys under my radar and I barely remember anything other than sunglasses!

Ukraine – Ani Lorak
=> Runner-Up
❗ Personal Favourite
Ukraine
This song was sooo deserving to win, and it damn well should have. Ukranie really has been doing well and have chosen a good variety of songs in the last 5 years, with most of them doing well well. This song, is just plain sexy, well sung, great dancing, just a whole package performance of a small little girl with an enormously powerful voice! It pains me that the competition will be in Russia next year, and not Kiev!

France – Sébastien Tellier
France
Wow, of the big four countries, France is the only one making a little bit of effort to do better, and actually seeing results. This is not a bad song at all, despite the sketchy appearance of Sébastien. The result is dissapointing, but still better than its been doing in the past; félicitations France!

Azerbaijan – Elnur and Samir
❗ Personal Favourite
Azerbaijan
Top 10 finish for the début country with their angel, and devil combination with absolutely amazing voices. They are just so entertaining, but I think that the whole show had a little too much “umph” (something I though I would never say, afterall!)

Greece – Kalomira
Greece
I am still left lost for words from this song. Everyone has been ranting and raving about it, but I just don’t get it. I find the dancing horrible, the singing nothing special, and the whole presentation just annoying. This comes in third, when better countries came later back; I just don’t understand what everyone else sees.

Spain – Rodolfo Chikilicuatre
Spain
This annoys me; go home. You’re even creepier looking than I imagined. In my opinion this is a huge goose-egg!

Serbia – Jelena Tomašević feat. Bora Dugić
❗ Personal Favourite
Serbia
What a fantastic song! It’s strong, powerful, and filled with the Slavic Ballad feeling that we know so well and love. It has a great result as a host country, and even got votes from around Europe, and not just it’s Slavic brothers and sisters! I’m really quite happy with this entry, and it was quite an honour to hear.

Russia – Dima Bilan
=> Winner
Russia
This is the hugest dissapointment of the entire competition. I am not happy with this result, as I find Dima Biland incredibly annoying and a poor singer. Not only that it’s horribly cheesy with Evgeni Plushenko, figure skater being a person to promote and skate in the show. I just don’t like this song at all, as his previous song was better and had been more of a chance to win. I hate the fact that it’s going to Russia next year, and bothers me even more that he runs around naked and jumps around and has really poor English. At lest now the Russians can shut the fuck up about never winning, and we won’t go back there for another few decades, I can only hope!

Norway – Maria Haukaas Storeng
❗ Personal Favourite
Norway
This is a great song, simple, and good vocals. She wears her clothings well, and she sings to the audience with great perfessionalism. It’s not by any means a surprise that Norway came in 5th place, even though I would have put it behind Sweden (of course).


So as you can gather from my Russian review, I’m very dissapointed with the results of this competition. The voting seemed bias as always, and I can only hope that the former Soviet republcis and Eastern European countries can come away from their trends of voting for the mother land. But at least they finally won, and can now shut up about it. Just sadly next year I will have to see his face again, as they will probably make him one of the hosts. If that’s the case he has a lot of English to learn first!

Tonight’s semifinal was absolutely amazing. I didn’t think that it would be so good, but I have to say that the first 4 songs are so amazing that it left me speechless. Not only that, but it was very entertaining in general, which makes it all the more interesting to watch and want to vote!

Iceland – Euroband
=> Qualifier
❗ Personal Favourite
Iceland
I am left speechless, simply speechless. Iceland has got it together, and after their seemingly million semifinals they managed to get a song, not only that is good, but that Europe votes through to the final. I’m in love. I love pink, I love the singers, I love the song, and it’s just fabulous. I need to find the pink shoes because they are so hawt, but also I want all of their outfits. I sing this song on my way to work; no jokes! I so want to be Icelandic right now, my god!

Sweden – Charlotte Perrelli
=> Qualifier
❗ Personal Favourite
Sweden
Toppat i silver; frankly. It’s a former winner back to try to claim the title. After the absolutely amazing win in this year’s Melodifestivalen, Charlotte took the stage as a favourite and came through. I’m so glad that there are some schlagger songs left and that make me so happy and feel like I want to belt. The singing was decent, but not as good in the Swedish final, but they managed to make it look good on stage. My only concern is that she’s still looking like a little bit of an ogre on stage; but still hawt.

Turkey – Mor ve Ötesi
=> Qualfier
Turkey
Well I can’t help but say that this rockish type song is actually pretty decent. It’s not filled with sketchy Turkish people also; which makes it a major plus! The guy is actually half decent looking, and can actually sing, which makes it all endurable. It’s not surprising that he made it through either, with all the Turkish diaspora of course; but this one actually deserved it unlike other stuff in the past.

Ukraine – Ani Lorak
=> Qualifier
❗ Personal Favourite
Ukraine
This song… is … so … hot … I think I just got myself all wet from this performance. It has absolutely everything, and this is so clearly the favourite to win the competition, in my humble opinion. The song is catchy, well sung, absolutely huge hit, the dancing is complex and entertaining, and it’s just plain sexy. She’s gorgeous, she’s wearing a similar dress to Charlotte, but pulls it offer better, has steeper and hawter shoes; and a dance troop that is better than Sweden’s. This is some tough competition, and this damn well better win, so help me schlagger.

Lithuania – Jeronimas Milius
Lithuania
Where did this guy come from… seriously? He looks a bit scary, and sings better than in the video (sorta), but the song is so heinously awkward no wonder he was the only one on stage. Where did Lithuania go wrong here, because this is heinous. Although it is better, like I said, he actually is a horrible singer, and it’s no doubt that it crashed and burned on stage. Oh well, it’s still not bad enough to make me give it a “go home” rating.

Albania – Olta Boka
=> Qualifier
Albania
Why did people vote for this? I fail to see anything exciting or important about this entry. Olta has her eyes closed for most of the song, and I have no idea what’s going on. Her voice is pleasant and sweet, but I just don’t understand. Europe, where did we all go wrong?

Switzerland – Paolo Meneguzzi
❗ Personal Favourite
Switzerland
This is by far the hugest upset of the entire competition. The song is so endearing, fun, and well sung. On top of that, we’ve got an Italian-Swiss singer who’s actually decent, and the country put some effort to send a good song; and Europe rejects it for shit other songs like Croatia, and Albania? I don’t understand. I just want to run up to him, give him a huge hug and kiss and say “Ciao” and apologies for everyone else’s stupidity. Vote for the music, bitches, cause you’re pissing me off more than anything! I’m so in shock, and I feel heartbroken because No era stupendo

Czech Republic – Tereza Kerndlová
Czech Republic
Hmmm. This song is dated, like seriously. However, huge improvement from their début year, I must say. The skanky dancers wearing basically nothing dancing around the stage is annoying, and also the DJ who’s singing out of key. You can tell they put a lot of effort in, cause there were pyrotechnics, but usually that’s just the wannabes doing anything that they can to get some votes. Keep up the improvement you crazy Czechs, and you’ll do better, I promise!

Belarus – Ruslan Alekhno
Belarus
What the hell was this? I don’t understand what is on stage, and this guy is hideously ugly. I’m trying not to seem too superficial, but this is absolutely horrendous! Save me, please! Go home Belarus, and don’t come back until you have a decent song, golly!

Latvia – Pirates of the Sea
=> Qualifier
❗ Personal Favourite
Latvia
Disturbingly catchy, and heinously cheesy, Latvia jumps the plank with a sketchy entry and actually qualifies in the top 10! Clearly an Aqua, Latvian rip-off, the children’s song is quite entertaining despite the horrible dancing and sketchy singing of some of the backup singers. I have to say that I’ve never seen so much lip-gloss on a pirate before, and the main singer wears more eye-liner than me, and that’s disturbing!

Croatia – Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents
=> Qualifier
Croatia
I keep getting the impression that Croatia only has old people in their country, because year after year they send the dinosaur singers to compete, and oddly they do well. What is with that, when the largest upsets of the competition make it through, and then weird shit like this gets past the public. This year we can’t blame regional voting, but secretly in my mind I will, just because I’m bitter. Go home to Zagreb, and come back with at least Slavic ballad, next year!

Bulgaria – Deep Zone and Balthazar
Bulgaria
What a lovely dress she has on, but it just doesn’t cut it despite the decent vocals and entertainment factor. The Bulgarians will always be a bit odd, but they still have decent music since their début last year. Maybe they will come into themselves, and give us a hit to send us back to the Slavic region!

Denmark – Simon Mathew
=> Qualifier
Denmark
There is a lot of Scandinavian chatter about this song, but I find it heinously annoying. He’s a good singer, decently looking, but the way that the press made it sound is that he’s the most amazing thing since sliced bread, but I like sliced bread better. The singing is good, but I feel like it’s strained and although his outfit is cute, it just doesn’t garner me to want to vote for the always sexy Danes…

Georgia – Diana Gurtskaya
=> Qualifier
Georgia
Good message with the song, but I don’t see what anyone else sees. There isn’t anything special about this song, nor the performance, but alas it goes on to the final. Some things I will never understand.

Hungary – Csézy
❗ Personal Favourite
Hungary
What a lovely ballad, comparing to the harshness of last year’s jazz number. I don’t know what Europe didn’t like about it, because I’m impressed and even think that it’s better than the other ballads that are around! Maybe it was so late in the show that people were uninterested after the long string of boring entries?

Malta – Morena
Malta
Malta always has cheesy songs about random topics, but I sometimes wonder if they actually speak English, because their English singing is always really iffy. This song doesn’t feature much, and luckily wasn’t over-promoted, but it still flopped. Floppity-flopp-flopp indeed!

Cyprus – Evdokia Kadi
Cyprus
In all fairness and honesty, I don’t even remember this entry; so it must have been boring, ’nuff said.

F.Y.R. Macedonia – Tamara, Vrčak and Adrijan
F.Y.R. Macedonia
Thank goodness that for the first time in a long time, the monster name of Macedonia won’t be read at all in the final of the voting results. It’s just as well, other countries deserve a chance, and this time it’s not yours; come back next time, muy muy we love you!

Portugal – Vânia Fernandes
=> Qualifier
Portugal
Who do vulumptuous portugese women exist? For Eurovision of course! I don’t know why this scored so well, because I’m not fond of it, but I seem not to be mainstream anymore, as I mostly just like my dated dance and schlagger stuff. Leave me alone. But I will say something positive: she manages to hide the fact she’s so huge quite well; great wardrobe choice, but overdone make-up; eeep!


What a night! A few disappointments, but it was a good show regardless; and now the final is to come in a few nights. The weekend of my graduation, however will I manage to fit everything in?!

This year’s Eurovision Semi-Final(s) appears to be heating up to be a really fierce competition. I’ve listened to all the songs, followed the Swedish selection (Inför ESC), and formed my own opinions and now for the great evening.

In all fairness, being in Canada and working during the days means that I have to watch a taping of it, which sucks, but also because my ISP is so horrible I’m 5 days behind it’s tragic. On to the show..!

Montenegro – Stefan Filipović
Montenegro
I gotta say that I’m not terribly fond of this song, mostly because it’s the first one out of the block and there isn’t anything that makes it stand out from the others. On stage it didn’t look very comfortable, nor did the song really fit. Maybe it was because it was in Montenegrin, but it didn’t have any flare that makes me like songs.

Israel – Boaz
=> Qualifier
Israel
As usual, I’m not fond of Israel, even when they have decent songs. I don’t understand why they keep sending the same sort of stuff and they don’t mix it up. This one in particular was written by Dana International which gives it some star power, but the guy’s voice and the way he holds himself up just sort of scares me. Although Europe liked it, it’s a go home song for me, as Israel usually is.

Estonia – Kreisiraadio
❗ Personal Favourite
Estonia
This is a country that never ceases to amaze and amuse me to it’s ends. The songs are always “different” and have something special about this one. This song is something that comes straight off the special bus. Although I find it heinously unattractive and insulting on stage, with creepy voices and basically nude dancers, I really like the song as it’s catchy. If I am walking around saying Leto Svet, then we know we’ve got a good song on our hands. 😉

Moldova – Geta Burlacu
❗ Personal Favourite
Moldova
It turns out that this song and performance is actually good. I didn’t expect it to be, but it’s cute in a special Moldavian way. The teddy bear and the cuteness of everything is so special to me, I just can’t help but give it a gold star.

San Marino – Miodio
San Marino
There is a huge Italian presence this year, and with San Marino being the closest possible entry that is Italian without being Italian, it works. I’m not very fond of the singer, but the song is decent. The whole time I kept thinking that he looked a little constipated and struggled with the stylist. In any case, no surprises here that it didn’t do well.

Belgium – Ishtar
❗ Personal Favourite
Belgium
What a lovely little song in gibberish, which seems to be a Belgian specialty. The song is nice and catchy, however am I the only one that notices that the instruments on stage don’t actually match what is on the track? The chubby woman is holding a clarinet, and it’s an oboe on the track. I hope that someone noticed this. Large poke-a-dot dresses are now in, it’s official, and there is nothing sexier than a cellist.

Azerbaijan – Elnur and Samir
=> Qualifier
❗ Personal Favourite
Azerbaijan
This song is so hawt. Maybe it’s because there is an angelic vampire on stage who is actually a dentist, hairstylist, and contra-tenor voice. It’s hawt as fuck, that’s all I can say. If anyone actually noticed Elnur’s eyes, they would know what I’m talking about. The wine pouring is a bitch much, but it’s a greatly entertaining show on stage with some good vocal stuff going on all at the same time. I love this first entry!

Slovenia – Rebeka Dremelj
❗ Personal Favourite
Slovenia
What a wonderfully fun song! I thought it would flop and not be good on stage, but really I was really entertaining. I think that the chains were a bit much, but the song had a lot of “umphf” that it needs to do well. I was super impressed with it’s shock factor and what it had to bring to the competition. I mean, neon lights.. Common!!

Norway – Maria
=> Qualifier
Norway
I hesitate to make this a personal favourite, because it’s borderline. I think that it’s a lot of good in it, and it’s totally worthy of going to the final and doing well, however there is something about it that bothers me. Maybe it’s the Norwegian delegation telling her to cancel everything and be ready for the final, that bothers me so much. it’s a song with everything, though I will admit. Even the cheesy backup dancers doing “oooh” all the time!

Poland – Isis Gee
=> Qualifier
Poland
Well at least Poland didn’t bring a whore this year; just an American who looks like she has the fakest tan ever. She’s dripping sweat, wailing out a ballad, in a beautiful dress and pretending that she’s actually Polish; which she clearly isn’t. It’s a good song, however I don’t think that it was good choice for Europe at all; and that’s what bothers me, as it took the space of another song that could have had a birth in the Final.

Ireland – Dustin the Turkey
❗ Personal Favourite
Ireland
This is so tragic but I actually like this song; it’s just catchy and funny. So superflu as the French would say. There are large feathers, and a stuffed Turkey, and lots of dancing around and making fun of other people. I think that it’s fabulosity level is so high that it hurts. I’m not surprised that the Irish picked it though; as it’s clearly a backlash from sucking so badly last year. Instead of backlash, may I say, one should just form a better song…

Andorra – Gisela
❗ Personal Favourite
Andorra
Catalán schlagger twenty years too late makes me so happy. It should have been something from the 80’s, but Gisela rocks it out with massive hair. Why is it so large, I don’t know but it’s awesome. The vocals are a bit sketchy, but the song is just fun fun fun. Why would anyone vote for Andorra anyways? I mean there was a huge controversy this year about the song being in English and not Catalan, but oh well, even with a stir they can’t muster enough voices. So sad.

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Laka
==> Qualifier
Bosnia & Herzegovina
A lot of people have tipped this as a favourite, but I find it kind of annoying. I can see why it made it further, but the lead singer’s voice just makes me cringe it is so whiny. The song is fun and different, but he’s so awkward looking and odd singing voice. I’m not with the masses, here. I am not a big fan.

Armenia – Sirusho
=> Qualifier
❗ Personal Favourite
Armenia
Oh my goodness this is so fabulous. I love it so much, I don’t even know why. I think that it just makes me get up an dance, with Eastern flavour, and it makes it all just better than it really is. The little noises in the mixed background make me happy; however her hair is just a little too much for her to handle, and the song would have been better if she had smaller hair. But the song is just fabulous, and I’m so glad that it will place top 10 for sure!

Netherlands – Hind
Netherlands
I’m not surprised that this didn’t go through at all. It’s a decent song, but it lacks so much. Each year Holland tries to do better and better and they just end up doing worse and worse; maybe if they took things less seriously that might result in something good? The nation has a huge history and tons of experience, but when Hilversum calls, I don’t think things aren’t workin’ so well for them.

Finland – Teräsbetoni
==> Qualifier
Finland
Wow, Finland actually qualified? Why is this? It’s because it’s hard-rock, and all the boyfriends of the girls that force them to watch the show with them vote for the only song they can relate to… plain and simple. This song has nothing else to offer, and is only a poor reflection of hard rock music that Finland offers and loves. When will they have the goths on stage, I can only wait!?

Romania – Nico and Vlad
=> Qualifier
Romania
Now if I’m not mistaken, I don’t really remember this song much at all. I can’t remember anything special about it, nor really what was going on, which means that it wasn’t the most exciting thing on the stage but it works, I suppose. I think it was in a foreign language, but I could be mistaken, at least I think…

Russia – Dima Bilan
=> Qualifier
Russia
Him again? This is a straight-up go home song, again. His English singing is horrendous, and there is a pad of ice on the stage with Yvgeni Plushenko (or whatever his name is) skating around. Can we say try-hard? They are probably fucking each other backstage, and just want to throw the competition by appeasing to all the homos that watch figure skating and Eurovision. Ugh; I hope this song crashes and burns.

Greece – Kalomira
=> Qualifier
Greece
Nothing exciting here, just a nice beat. Not really anything else apart from that, which bothers me greatly. Why does it go through? Why does Greece do so well? Why do we have to deal with secret combinations? I just don’t understand.


All-in-all it’s been a decent semifinal, however there were a few upsets, but most of the deserving songs went through, so it’s at least fair. I can’t help but wonder if Poland will be in the final by the grace of the back-up juries…