In these days of the internet and personalised everything, we often forget about what is real and what is fake. We spend all this time and money to experience life and new experiences, but when we take it all away we are left with reality.

But what happens when you stick out like a sore thumb, and you’re still invisible? I often find this to be case when it comes to my fashion choices, or general individuality. I walk down the street or stand in a commuter train and I turn heads; people agape at my choice of scarf, or pants, or cardigan, or even a nice wool sweater that suits the autumn weather.

Why is it that you can turn so many heads, whether negative or positive, but when it comes to moments when you actually do want to turn heads, you’re invisible? Is it one of those opposites situations where things always appear most when we least expect them? Oh wait, that can’t be right. In order for that to be appropriate the attention you get would have to be positive.

At any rate, being invisible can be somewhat hurtful. I suppose when some people are wrapped up in their own worlds, they forget how their actions or inactions might affect others. No matter, they are unlikely to read this, thus will never really understand.

I’m the weird one, that awkward one that people sort of notice but then fades into the background. How do I know this? Because I feel it and I can see it. I went out to a club for the first time in at least 6 months, all with the goal to see one of my favourite bands perform. Finally they perform, and I wiggle my way to the front. I felt like I was there, but painfully on the outside. Others peering in looking at the awkward one, the only one without a beer in hand and the one that knows all the lyrics for all the songs.

And that’s where it hit me. I stood there bouncing gently up and down, smiling and singing with them and I felt the burning eyes of both judgment and indifference. Peripheral vision can be very hurtful sometimes. And that’s where it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been at this club for 4 hours, dancing away and have a good time with my friend. Little did I know, but I was completely disconnected from everything and everyone. I was the invisible man. Irrelevant, abnormal, and even worse… not noticeable.

I won’t go out of my way to stand out, I just do me. I won’t change how I present myself, because I like what I wear and how I look. Just because others don’t, doesn’t mean I have to conform to them.

So back to being me, the invisible man.

I got a request from one of my previous posts wanting to lyrics to the following song, which I’ve obliged to transcript even though it was a bit difficult at times.

Da Buzz – Don’t you ever leave me

I won’t to try hide my feelings for you
Then I just want to know you are waiting for
I really don’t know anything about you yet
I’m burning for you, you’re my eternal flame
I really want you to stay.

Close you’re my one and only desire,
And I want you to take me higher
So don’t you ever leave my side.
I really want you to stay.

Close we’re gonna rise above
And pretend we never heard them
So don’t you ever leave my side.
Don’t you ever leave me.

We’re not just strangers in a crazy world,
You’re one of a kind, you really blow my mind,
I really don’t know anything about you yet,
I’m burning for you, you’re my eternal flame,
I really want you to stay.

Chorus

Then only thing I hear, grab my hips kiss my lips
Want you stay close and feel my desire,
You’re the thing left in queen.
You and me above the end, you’re the passion
I’m burning for you, you’re my eternal flame.
I really want you to stay.

Chorus.

I can’t help but listen to music when I’m bored, and I came across this song that I’d never heard before and it really spoke me to me in a way that made me want to get up and dance whilst still delivering a message that I feel inside.

I’ve posted about Da Buzz before because they just are about one of my favourite Swedish Dance-pop-techno groups consisting of three people from Karlstad. They’ve been in Melodifestivalen with Stop! Look! Listen! but since then they have mostly been releasing singles and new albums. I will be a fan forever, because their music makes me rock on!

Da Buzz – Life is Good

I know the truth, hey
Telling secrets
Neither have true faces
It’s hard to believe
That you can’t feel it
Don’t you walk away from me

Don’t let your sadness blow away your life
Cause I will bring you up and show you what I’ve got
I know that life is good, with someone that loves you
I know that life is good, together we’ll make it
I’m sure that life is good.

Get your feeling
Only hurts you
Don’t give away your heart
Wait a moment
Think it over
You’ll see that we can be right

Don’t let your sadness blow away your life
Cause I will bring you up and show you what I’ve got
I know that life is good, with someone that loves you
I know that life is good, together we’ll make it
I’m sure that life is good

Let’s send this frustration
We can’t go on like this no more
So let your heart be true to you

Life is good, with someone that loves you
I know that life is good, together we’d make it
Life is good, with someone that loves you
I know that life is good, together we’d make it
I’m sure that life is good
I’m sure that life is good

I think the part in the song that really gets me is the empathetic pop-dance key-change after the bridge. The drive towards the end is just so empathetic with the way that she sings and the chord progressions. If you end up splitting up or quitting I will cry, just like I cried when Stina of Sarek had a baby and they haven’t produced any new music yet. There is something about Swedish-Folk-Pop that just makes me want to scream outloud, mostly just the song Det är du but we will save that for another time when I’m musically inclined.  

Okay so today I was listening through my random playlist while I was writing a stupid music analysis project that’s 20 pages; such a waste of paper! Anyways, as I was saying, this music came on, and it reminded me of Da Buzz, a group that I heard longwhile ago on Melodifestivalen years ago. Although this wasn’t the song, I have the album on my playlist and ‘Lost without you’ was playing, and well despite having a very fast tempo and everything, it’s quite a sad song which really made me think.

Am I really lost? I don’t think so, but when I hear the song I do feel slightly, is that a problem of some sort, and if so, what the heck do I do about it? Hmmm interesting questions.

[Da Buzz]

Here I go, turn around in my life once again.
There I see, all the love of my life for the last time.

Please tell me I’m wrong
Oh say that you love me
Tell me that you and I will conquer it all…

I’m lost without you, I’m lost if we’re through
I wanna hold you tight
Wanna see your smile, closer than before
I’m lost without you, I’m lost if we’re through
I wanna hold you tight
Wanna love you more, can’t belive it’s true.
I´m lost without you.

A little touch from you lips, I think I will die.
Just a little more of it all, and I know I will loose it all.

Please tell me…

I’m lost, lost in my love
My love for you Will last to eternity,
Im lost without you

Okay so interesting quotes no? Anyways, today was long, all five classes and nothing too interesting. I didn’t fall asleep until about 04.00 last night, so I was very tired for the whole day, and I am going to bed now and it’s about 01.30 so it’s a good time for me!! Just Instrumental Conducting at 08.30 and then I am free until 14.30 to edit my copy of the analysis project, and print it off, and then hand it in, and all in the meantime I am going to pop over to the French department and catch up on some stuff that I am behind on because of our mid-term today. The mid-term wasn’t that exciting, and it wasn’t that hard, but I didn’t seem to remember some literary words.. What’s a sanction and connotation anyways? 🙄 Rather who cares is the question!

I hardly ate today, maybe I should take more time to eat some food that way I won’t be so darn tired all the time! We shall see, and as a result no sign of the M.H.C.! Sad, yes I know but today comes first clue: browned hair >:XX. And now I go running off in an embarrassed scurry so that I can hide away from any that realize how vague I am with everything!

Until tomorrow, when I am actually alive, because I now feel like a zombie!

PS: Another great song by Da Buzz, and nearly my favourite of the album is the following song, which I’m not sure applies to me in any way at this point in my life :o:

“I’ve been waiting for someone like you”

Late at night, when I close my eyes
And think about my life
No misery, he would care for me
That’s how it’s gonna be

Now I, belive that it’s true
Cause I’m standing here with you

I’ve been waiting for someone like you,
Day and night, all of my life
I’ve been waiting for this to come true,
Deep in my heart, I’ve been waiting for someone like you

When you are here, everything is clear
All I wanna have is you
We make the candle light, burn so bright
Then I fall into your arms

Now I belive that it’s true
Cause I’m standing here with you

I’ve been waiting for someone like you,
Day and night, all of my life
I’ve been waiting for this to come true,
Deep in my heart, I’ve been waiting for you

Can you express your feelings, like you did,
I feel so unsecure, cause you´re everything to me
You’re like the sunshine, the birds in the sky,
The stars I see at night, I wanna hold you and take us to the sky

I’ve been waiting for someone like you,
Day and night, all of my life
I’ve been waiting for this to come true, Deep in my heart,
I’ve been waiting for someone like you