Needless to say, throughout my life I have had a very unlucky time navigating the dating world. Whether it be a result of my asexuality, of my social awkwardness, or of my lack of experience nothing can prepare me for what may happen or what one may find around a new corner.


Photo courtesy of Time Out Abu Dhabi 

I recently travelled to the United Arab Emirates to visit a dear friend and spend Christmas. I was unwilling to spend another Christmas alone, so I ventured to a foreign desert land. While the trip was filled with going here and there, what struck me most was a complete turnaround in my dating life. I’ve been living in Sweden for 3 years and I’ve been on two dates, so as you can imagine that sounds pretty dismal and only one of them was a positive experience.

What might explain this is unknown to me, but I can do nothing else but surmise that what I offer here, is just not wanted. In three years I manage about twenty or so matches on Tinder, a few of which chat to me. I set foot in the UAE and for shits and giggles I load up Tinder. In the span of a few hours, I’m getting matches left right and centre. After two days of swiping, I garnered about 50 matches, most of which were actually talking to me.  I was confused, surprised, and speechless.

I decided to take it somewhere and meet up with a few people for dinner or to hang out at local spots. In 5 days I managed to fit in 6 dates in two cities, Dubai and Abu Dhabi. I can say with positive reflection that while they were a bit nerve wracking to start for fear of police or similar traps, they were all positive experiences. How could this be? How could my luck change so dramatically and my match rate increase to 95 in the span of a few days?

I reflect on it, and possible explanations come to mind. Is it because I’m foreign? Is it because I’m white? Is it because I’m an amazing person? All are possibilities, but I’m lost as for how or why this can be. How can I have more success in dates in a country so repressed and restricted, while living in a free society of Sweden I am a complete lemon? Thinking about it confuses me and makes me very emotional because of the situational irony.

Here I can marry, have children, and live an authentic life and I can’t find a partner, barely even dates. I go to a place where I can’t get married, can’t have kids, and can’t live an authentic and open life and I get several people really interested in me, even for marriage. It just feels like a huge slap in the face, and leads me to question whether it’s something wrong with me, or something wrong with everybody else.

All I can say is I’m thankful, but now even more confused than before.

Okej so after being awake since *counts* yesterday at 08.00; which makes it nearly 48hrs, I am extremely tired and I think that I will go to bed!

The music history exam this morning was brutal and I wanted to kill myself becuase for the first ½ hour I couldn’t keep my eyes open and everything was all blurry. Either I knew the stuff I wrote, or I guessed and had no freaking idea what-so-ever.

Oh and just for the record, we just had ‘pollowfight’ in the basement of our residence and I totally kicked Josh and Hussian’s butts! I’m good because I’m quick, agile, flexible, and somewhat strong (sorta not really) so I could take them both (even at the same time). I mostly just had a lot of pent-up-anger because Josh kept beating me at Super Smash Brothers on N64, but I’m okay now because I totally had him the whole time!

I think he was fighting dirty too, since he have anger for me for no reason since forever as we don’t really get along (personality clashes and moral differences). It’s all good because I go to France, and he go to St. Mary’s next year because apparently this school is too hard (which it is) and that’s why I go to the best university in Canada everyone (at least who reads this).

Other than that, I’ve had a lack of food and therefore am very weak, so I don’t know what I will be doing. I had an interesting talk with Gus today about his endeavours in love, and of course as usual he totally avoids what i ask and everything so I got a little bit impatient. He’s just trying to create space between us, as if there isn’t enough already (like an ocean for gosh sakes). He is closer now that he is in the UK and not Sweden, but still. And while he’s trying to create space, and I’m being neutral with him, R and I had a nice little chat today that went, how shall I say.. Interesting?
Continue reading

So should I be remembering or caring about things that happend in 2001/2002? My gut instinct says no, but apparently things go otherwise. People say that having a good memory is a gift; but for me, it’s always been a curse that makes things a million times worse.

So what suppurred the, lay in bed, crying, all upset, fall alseep for a nap and never wanting to get up mood? I just had a memory about someone that I was in love with a few years ago.

So I tell the story, abbreviated and with names hidden, and events generalized.
Continue reading