Vad händer den här veckan!? Här kommer Gävle och Melodifestivalen Deltävling 4 med åtta nya bildrager!

Magnus Uggla – För kung och fosterland
Andra Chansen
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I honestly thought this was a joke when it came onto the stage. Like seriously? I’m really having difficulties describing what the hell was going on, with a little odd man who is very odd singing an odd song with an odd cosutume. Come on Sweden, you can do better than this! However, despite this it was an alright song, but god forbid he ever gets past Andra Chansen; if so, then the world will end.

Emilé Azar – Vi hade nåt
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Kan vi säga jätte-Westlife? Men han kommer ifrån Gävle, så alla gillar honom, sorta. I won’t be surprised if he will be in trouble for stealing the chorus from Westlife, but whatever; he’s the home-town-sorta favourite-nobody who looks like a woman gone wrong who sings half decently. He looks terribly awkward on stage, and between the work done on his eyebrows (comparable to Mihai and Fabrizzio) and the amount of make-up on him, he looks like a cross between a man and a woman, of Lebanese descent. Get your singers to dance, and move around a little, and wear less make-up next time (that will never happen).

Sanna Neilsen – Vågar du, vågar jag
Andra Chansen
Personal Favourite
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Heja schlagerfesten! Sanna, när jag lyssner på dig; det är underbart! You’re cute, but you’re from Skåne. I’m not hatin’, just I can’t understand a word ya’ll say when you talk normally. Anyways, who loves a shlager, I love a schlager! And when you risk it like that (haha pun), you’ll come out on top! And Toppan är dig. All you need is to up the goodlooks on the background dancers and you’re a shoe in, in my heart! Giv’r!

Caroline af Ugglas – Tror på dig
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När du sjunger, det är liksom du dödar… Seriously, as good as your song is, your voice is like a nail on scratchboard and like your vocal cords are going to break like the strings of a harp do. Maybe after you have your baby (which isn’t Jimmy’s), you will get better? But also, comment about your facial expressions and such. Do you realize how difficult it is to take a screenshot that’s decent of your performance? You either look like you’re dying (again), or like a hobbit at every moment. Not flattering at all!

After Dark – (Åh) När vi tar saken i egna hander
Personal Favourite
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Varför inte Sverige? Varför inte? When I heard After Dark would be in Melodifestivalen this year, I knew that I would be happy because besides the fact that I love them (and him / she / it or whatever), I just like to see you preform. La Dolce Vida, Alla Har Önt? I’ve never laughed so much in my life, and I was in stiches during your song. Alla barnen kom och sitta framma tv, här kommer transvestit som är en man, men klädd som kvinna, men sjunger som en män; oj! Jag tycker att du var bäst i anna fall. Who can say no to transvestite named Christer who sings a children’s song and does a strip show on stage? Well, I’m sold but sadly the rest of Sweden isn’t. Can we blame this on the widespreadness of homosexuality and it’s acceptance? Maybe they just aren’t shocked and amused as much as me; therefore I must become more Swedish and embrace seeing cross-dressors onstage performing, and sexual acts being performed on the benches of public spaces.

Sarah Dawn Finer – I remember love
Qualified
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I hate ballads, just in general, unless it’s sung by Chiara or some random other person. You’re far too American (sorta) and therefore I am hatin’ you. You sing well, but were off key during some part of it (which I don’t remember, but I remember cringing); but god save us if you win, god save us. I will go off and shake my head now in shame.

Verona – La musica
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Uhmm, jag har ingenting att säga. No seriously. I really don’t have anything to say. So instead I will comment about how difficult it is to get a decent videocap of you. Only when you stand still and are posing are you worth seeing, becasue other wise you look fake and are singing some weird song whilst wearing yellow with blonde hair. Someone clearly didn’t attend fashion school, it’s like mixing black and brown, a cardinal sin.

Andreas Johnson – A little bit of love
Qualified
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You don’t fool me, I’m not caught up in Andreas’ whilwind of popularity. It’s impossible to deny that Sing for Me, wasn’t good, that’s true. But this song lacked umph in all aspects and despite it being no surprise that you’re going to Globen, I still pray for a schlager to represent. I can only hope. Anyways, you standing in the crowd was a good ploy, then being interactive, and then signing a song and wearing tons of make-up; very out of character you bad boy. And leather? What’s up with that? I hope that it was as uncomfortable as it looks, and I mean that in the very nicest of ways.

But now the most important part…

My Ode…

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This is my ode to you my God of Melodifestivalen, and no I’m not talking about Måns. I’ve already given him a big enough ego. I’m talking about my real god, Henrik Wikström, who writes songs that are just amazing. Besides writing/arranging After Dark, Cosmo4, and Måns and countless other amazing songs I have to take a moment to express my profound love for your music. Also I think I’ve been the one helping the hits of your performance as “Avengers” in Stockholm 2000, as I’m probably the only one watching the song “När filmen är slut.” Anyways, you are so amazing I wish that I could meet you and wish you best wishes and all that jazz, but unfortunately I’m in Strasbourg, and you will be in Globen in Stockholm and unavailable for conversation / autograph / friendlyness etc etc. I hope that you never stop, so when I live in Sweden I can stalk you and become your friend, sorta like I indirectly became the fan of Mads Vangsø last year. Anyways, I will keep my fingers crossed because you rock. But I will compare first; you are a writer like Bobby Ljunggren and Thomas G:son, but you look a million times better than both of them! Now I need to find a way to marry both you and Måns and somehow adopt both of your names into one and have some sort of life where I can have the best of both worlds? I’m joking, but only half-jokin
g.. seriously! I can see it now, my surname becoming Zelmerlöw-Wikström, but where will I shove the rest? Hmmmm, time will tell.

Any suggestions or help? Comment!

Oh Melodifestivalen how much I love you, and more importantly how much I love the fact that Norrland rocks. Normally I would say that Norbotten rocks, but since Örnsköldsvik isn’t in Norrbotten, I’m being general. You can always count on Norrland to send the best people to Globen! This is what I have to say to you Norrland: HEJA! VI ÄR BÄST!

Måns Zelmerlöw – Cara Mig
Qualified
Personal Favourite
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Just plain wow. This guy makes me want to go out and buy Idol from last year. Not only does he know how to sing, but he has more sex appeal than anyone I’ve ever seen. This guy is just plain fucking hot! And damn, the song, I just about loved it the first time I heard it, and the performance was awesome. I want to marry him in a totally platonik (sorta) way. I just can’t get over it.

MissMatch – Drop Dead
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Nothing really special about this rock song, it’s kind of annoying to be honest. I’m sort of glad that it came in last place. It proves that the rock movement isn’t afoot. The fake tatoos and annoying girl band song just got to me and I don’t fancy this song at all. I almost prefer t.a.T.U., and that is a sad sad thing to say!

Magnus Carlsson – Live Forever
Personal Favourite
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Continuing on the theme of sex appeal, Maggy. As usual he’s got his awesome song, but the public wasn’t so fond of it this time. He always has his slutty backup singers wearing nearly nothing. Is this a gay mans attempt to get votes from the non-homosexual voting population? Who knows. The song would have been heaps better if it was in a lower register and he didn’t sing in falsetto. He is a great singer, and his powerful voice would have been better in another key. But still, thanks for just.. existing.

Sheida – I Mina Drömmar
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Thankfully Melodifestivalen doesn’t lack variety, because if they were all schlager, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself! Anyways, this ethnically Far Eastern song sung in Swedish is quite interesting. I find it funny that the guy can sing in Swedish, but when he get’s interviewed it’s a bit of a joke. Represent from Norrland though, coming from Skullefteå! Gotta love it.

The Attic feat. Thérèse – The Arrival
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Hmm, I really don’t know what to say about this song. I was excited to hear The Attic would be here, but the song isn’t bad by any means. It would have been more interesting, but I don’t know how. The CD was witty, but other than it just lacked… umph! Sort of like Evan last year, but I loved Evan so I don’t know why I’m making the comparison. Still a good song to get up and dance to, but nothing to write home to mother about (sorry mom!)

Sebastian – When the Night Comes Falling Down
Qualified
Personal Favourite
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I didn’t like this song until I saw it, but then I was simply mesmorized by it. Once again, another competitor oozing sex appeal. Another reason for me to have watched Idol; but he’s got a different type of charm. As my friend Daniel agrees, as well as his friend: “Sebastian glows of charm, Måns glows of gayness.” I agree with this statement, but Daniel’s friend doesn’t and is actually quite scared of being on the verge of bisexual since Sebastian makes him… well I think it’s better not said. The point is, he’s got umph! And a lot of it! This song just screams for me to sing out, especially the chorus. Crowd interaction, clearly gets votes, but the weird arm and body movements are a go Sebas! I love it still, but I love Måns more (sorry)!

Sonja Aldén – För Att Du Finns
Andra Chansen
Personal Favourite
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Sonja, I love you, plain and simple. People love you too. You’ve come from the shadows of Shirley Clamp, and you are frankly just as good if not better than her. Your voice is like an angel with no faults, and you just are a shining star. Even your personality is perfet and bubbly. I think I’d get along with you. Despite me not feeilng the ballad, the song is really nice. I would have liked to hear something closer to Etymon, with a little bit of umph! Clearly today’s theme is gayness and “umph”!!! Also she’s hawt so add her to the previous I love you category!

Nanne Grönvall – Du Måste Kyssa Dig
Andra Chansen
Personal Favourite
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Nanne Nanne Nanne, you’re a vetran, but I would have wished you went direct to Globen. However, I think you’ll kick ass in Andra Chansen so it’s okay anyways. Your song is good, but it’s not Eurovision this time sadly. It’s classic Nanne and reminds me a lot of your past songs. However, despite your cool and unique style, I loved your performance and creativity as usual. You’re always 110% and well worth the show! Good Luck.

In other news, I just have to comment about SVT’s apparent usage of sexuality in this episode of Melodifestivalen. Kristian Luuk, you’re my hero, not only because your an Estonian who speaks Swedish, and becasue you’re funny, but you’re just plain crazy. You come up with the funniest shit, and I wish only that I could meet you one day and experience your amazingness. However, I just have to comment about your apparent exploration of sexuality in this episode. Last night there was a lot of man-on-man actiongoing on, and here’s a run-down.
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Kristian, I think that I can honestly that the entire Swedish population and all aware of Måns’ existance is jealous of you at this very second. However, after watching the two of you dance together so sweetly and thinking “aww” it crossed my mind that it probably took a million shots of this to get 1) comfortable and 2) it right. Having that said, still, damn you’re lucky. Oh well, this just furthers my belief of Måns and his homosexuality; no straight can be that perfect!
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Getting felt up by Magnus now. How does this make you feel? Apparently good since he gives you a good massage, but seriously. You know that he’s j
ust about the hugest gay icon is Swedish music scene, and you still let him feel you up. Too bad he, (and you) is married happily and living with pets; how Swedish!
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Feeding Sebastian now? I couldn’t help but laugh at this, cause he got 2 out of 3 correct. I never would have guessed the smoothie either Sebastian; so don’t worry! But still, just looks funny from my perspective, almost sweet too.

As another side note to Måns, the piggy back at the end? Hot, and then what’s the deal with you kissing Sebas? Just a question, don’t take offense, but since when did “straight” men kiss other “straight” men. We aren’t in Italy here, but it doesn’t mater cause it just even further convinces me of your (plural) closetedness. Daniel also goes on the record for saying “I wonder how many times they got it on in the trailer during Idol…”

Really makes you think, doesn’t it?  

Regina Lund – Rainbow Star
Personal Favourite
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Regina with her anthem, and speaking five languages? How utterly impressive for her. Her blondness frankly scares me but her message in her song is very lovely. The sort of disco beat was one of my favourite of this flight of singers, but it’s sad that she came in last place. Probably because the song on stage was done really poorly; come back next year Regina and with a song that isn’t so much crying out to the homosexual population of Sweden, and we will vote you in…(maybe)!

Marie Lindberg – Trying to Recall
Qualified
Personal Favourite
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Now if this isn’t the heartwarming story of Melodifestivalen, then at the very least it’s the story of this flight of competitors. A complete nobody wildcard from the outskirts of Göteborg is competing in Melodifestivalen in the biggest city closest to where she lives. She’s a school teacher, and a singer/songwriter, and I can’t get enough of her. If Nanne’s story isn’t heartwarming, then this one is just the best. And what’s best about this one you say; she actaully had a good song that was correctly chosen by SVT! She was all alone on stage with her back-up singers far behind her, with her guitar, singing nervously a song in English that just is one of those feel good songs. And Sweden helped her through and the look on her face when she was put right into the final was just the most precious part. She honestly couldn’t believe it, but I could; and so did the rest of Sweden! Great story, 12 points for Marie and I can’t wait to see her in Globen where she will be 100x more nervous clearly! A dream come true, in reality.

Jimmy Jansson – Amanda
Andra Chansen
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Give me a fork and let me gouge his eyes out. And while I’m at it I might as well take his vocal cords. Jimmy bothers me; and I can’t quite figure out why. It’s either becasue he’s married to Sandra Dahlberg (who is a cradle robber), because he’s got a child at such a young age, or because he’s just got an annoying voice. His song was decent but it makes me hate the name Amanda. Sure his boyish cute looks help him, but he’s too emo! Emo to the max, with his hair and just all of him. His first appearance in Melodifestivalen was okay, but this was just giving me the “kill me now” feeling the whole time. Booo star power; you should have voted the following song!

Cosmo4 – What’s Your Name
Personal Favourite
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With a group of girls singing a girl-group pop-disco song, who could go wrong in Melodifestivalen? I just find it funny that one of them doesn’t speak Swedish at all, which means that I’m more Swedish than her, despite her being in Melodifestivalen. How crazy is that? Does this mean that I should call up Henrik Wikström to write/arrange me a song, cause I’ll do it if he does my song. Just working with that guy would make me, firstly distracted by his “star” power, but then excited because he’s awesome! Schlager hits all the way girls, you had fun, it was a cool song, but Sweden wasn’t ready for the cosmos, sorry!

Lustans Lakejer – Allt Vi En Gång Trodde På
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I don’t really know what to say about this song, since it was kind of weird. I can’t really find words for it either, I just know that it was sort of boring to watch, and the singers were out of tune a bit it sounded like. Nothing special, nothing too bad about it, all equallying a non qualification for obvious reasons. It’s a catchy song, regardless, and it sort of grows on me like “Clubbin'” did, even though this is the only time that I will akwnoledge it; so copy/paste into the archives before I edit the post!

Jessica Andersson – Kom
Andra Chansen
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Oj Jessica. After being last years absolute joke of the competition, who was wearing less than what a slut would be wearing on a good night, Jessica bounced back and made it through to Andra Chansen with a disco-pop song. It even had a disco ball, which made me smile. However, once again her lyrics can be quite sexual, at least to me, which says a lot. I felt kind of bad for her when Luuk dressed up in her outfit on stage and wasn’t very flattered by it (I could have done way better, and will prove it!). I think at that point she wanted to crawl into a hole and die, casue it looked like that. However, her and her little mouse good luck charm thingie moved on to a second chance! Disco it up sista!

Svante Thursson & Anne-Lie Ridé – Första Gången
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The thought of this song makes me want to hop around becasue like look who it is.. Svante and Anne-Lie!! I would have thought this goes right to the final, but this year the songs that deserve to go on did, minus Jimmy, but I’m biased. This is a cute song, and it’s so nice to see old favourites on stage, especially together. Does this mean that maybe one day we will see Carola and Lena doing a duet? Not fucking likely, that’s for sure. The best that situation can bring is After Dark doing an interlude show imitating and making fun of both of them; and Carola was the only one not to do a voice over. Maybe that’s cause she’s a brainwashed-homophobic bitch who’s a part of a religious cult. Enough said, shame that Carola ruins my thoughts for this cute song! Be gone evil witch!

The Ark – The Worrying Kind
Qualified
Personal Favourite
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Oh The Ark, of whom vowed never to participate in Melodifestivalen! I wonder how much SVT had to fork out to put them into the competition? I love this song, it’s just so happy and great, and it’s performed really well, but I honestly hope it doesn’t win; I really really hope it doesn’t! And what the heck was he wearing? I swear I was having reminisants of seeing him as a woman, but who knows. I shouldn’t be talking though since during the same night we had a dress up party, and I was definantly wearing less than he was, which is lets just say a lot of skin (photos maybe to be posted later), but in any case; I’ve got a way better body than him so on you international star, I’ve got a better body. Na-na-na-na-boo-boo!

I can’t explain how excited I am for Örnsköldsvik next week. Not only becau
se while in Stockholm I saw the name of that city on the board and almost wanted to go there, but because it’s by far the best Semi-Final in my opinion. It’s got Nanne in it for goodness sakes, and sex-on-legs Magnus Carlsson. I look forward greatly to this semi-final next weekend, and until then I’m off to clean my clothes! Over and out.  

Melodifestivalen is here, thank god and finally I’m able to come and critique what went on. In all honesty, before I ended up seeing this, I wasn’t expecting much from Melodifestivalen this year. The lists of songs and performances was random, but after hearing some of the songs I started to come around. Most of them take a few listens before they become remotely good, and some are just plain pathetic. So it was Saturday night in Jönköping and the stage was absolutely amazing; world class and even doable for Eurovision. Helsinki pay attention and take the exact stage and you will have a masterpiece theater!

Elin Lanto – Money
Andra Chansen
Personal Favourite
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After seeing the entrance to this song I was absolutely captivated. The song itself, despite having the word “bitch”, is really catchy and provocative. I liked it a lot, especially the dancing which was amazingly coreographed. If only all acts could be like this. In terms of singing, it went well for Elin, but her voice is a little whiny which doesn’t add much and the range she has is limited. At least it’s not a strain on her voice however!

Andersson & Gibson – Anything But You
Personal Favourite
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Bloody shame that this one came in fifth place, behind songs that shouldn’t have qualified. A country ballad which is beautifully composed and sung by the two singers. The harmonies are just lovely to the ear, and even I liked it despite hating country. It’s not a Eurovision winner, but it’s a crowd-pleaser I think, or at least for me.

Anna Book – Samba Sambero
Qualified
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If there are Anna Book fans reading right now, I suggest skipping this pharagraph because I’m about to rip her apart. She’s a great singer, obviously after being previously successful, but my god the woman needs to learn a few things. First of all the song by Thomas G:son was just about as annoying as nails scratching on a chalkboard, and the only reason they qualified was because she’s popular. The song sucked and she’s limited to doing anything stage wise because she looks like a grape. How the hell can someone so good as her, be so unhealthy and allow herself to continue this way? Even with a dress like Kikki’s last year she couldn’t hide everything she’s got, and for that I’m annoyed.

Addis Black Widow – Clubbin’
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I don’t even want to begin to comment on this. It simply doesn’t deserve my time. What the hell were you thinking SVT for even getting this past the jury!? There were probably 2’000 other songs better than this. And what were you wearing; like seriously. It’s no wonder you came in last place and will probably receive the lowest of all voted particpants. Absolute discrace.

Andreas Lundstedt – Move
Personal Favourite
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Andreas has sex appeal, he knows it, and he used it for this performance. The popy-dance hit is catchy and even got me dancing but it’s not Eurovision quality. I loved the dancing and was even as good as the first entry, performed wonderfully, but it just didn’t have the umph that a song needs. As a side comment, I could have sworn that the middle ‘female’ dancer looked like a cross-dressing female. The features ‘it’ had made me wonder for awhile, but it will rest unknown. In any case they danced really well and the cinemotography was lovely giving just about every angle, even of dancer’s legs.

Tommy Nilsson – Jag tror på människan
Qualified
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I hate this song, just because it’s boring and it only qualified because he’s a past Meldofiestivalen entry. The song is decent and with a lot of emotion, but it’s going to bomb in the final I reckon. He’s a good singer, just his star factor sadly carried him to the Final. Bloody shame though because I think that song number two should take his or third song’s spot. Melodifestivalen could do without him.

Sofia – Hypnotized
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When I first heard this song I thought it had a chance but god was this a disaster on stage. She looks like some sort of pole dancer gone wrong and is singing a song that doesn’t work well for the ears. Her whiny voice, mixed with off pitch notes makes this just a pain in the arse to listen to. Reminds me of Macedonia’s song last year, although it was performed better by Macedonia.

Uno & Urma – God morgon
Andra Chansen
Personal Favourite
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I love a good Swedish hit, and this one was lovely. With a guitarist and a singer it’s just nice. He looked like Bono gone wrong with the glasses however. The song takes me back to the 80s and even sounds a little bit like Gyllene Tider with the style of singing and how it sounds. Hippy generation pop hit I think, but weird pronouciation of “morgon” at times. Don’t think it will qualify for the final, but we shall see when Andra Chansen comes around. Sadly though, Irma looked a little bit like spaghetti with her waving arms. Still loved it.

That’s a rap up for the first set of performances, and next week we have a little bit star power which will create some competition. Until then, hej då och lycka till Sverige!