Nostalgic impossiblities

Sometimes on our lives we reflect on the past and some chapters in our lives that have some profound or meaningful importance. Sometimes they are short chapters that only consist of a few days, and sometimes they are large chapters that engulf years of our lives.

I recently re-stumbled upon one of the smaller ones in my life and it really made me think and reflect, and thanks to a person that is still in my life, they helped me to remember some things that might change the landscape of my life. It started with dancing, and letting free to the music that makes us comfortable and makes us smile, and even amongst all of that freedom and expression a person can make a comment that really makes you think.

“You smile but I see right through your façade.” I was taken aback by a complete stranger that knew nothing about me, but piqued something in me. Incredulous I can be, I bit and it lingered on my mind for quite awhile. It led me to do some stalking and to send a random Facebook message to someone and end up spending some time with them. I recently looked back at those messages exchanged, and reflected on what was said face-to-face and it really made me think – what was I dong, what were my intentions, and what ever did happen?

While I won’t indulge and disclose what happened, it couldn’t help but make me a bit nostalgic and depressed about it. Opportunities taken, opportunities missed, blind jumps of faith, and smokescreen being penetrated. And yet that was the theme of the recent conversation: no risk, no reward. The encounter started a friendship that I hope will last forever, but it can’t help me think about what is worth risking, and how does one decide on where and when to take those blind leaps of faith?

Frankly I don’t have answers to that, but what came of the conversation really made me wonder and make me reflect upon what is, versus what I see and feel.

clever, modest, observant
lively, curious, attentive
careful, resourceful, experienced
adaptive, verbal, thorough
honest, eager, coherent
powerful, steadfast, complex

No risk, no reward – but what if it’s too late and the opportunity has passed? Does that motivate us to be more active in the future, or does it hinder us from making decisions and staying in zone of safety? Anyone that knows me even on a superficial level will know that I’m a careful person and I don’t often jump into the unknown or do anything blindly. However, when that vulnerability is so fragile in a persons life, is it worth the risk of breaking them down and making them even more closed off? Impossible to gauge, impossible to know.

Just something to think about…

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