Most people are mildly aware of what goes on in their lives. They see things through their eyes, they hear thing through their ears, they feel things through their skin, and they judge thing based on those perceptions.
Someone said something to me that made me think tonight, and in all fairness it changed how I was thinking and how I thought. I’m confortable with my situation; who I am, what I want, what I don’t want, and how my reality is and how it doesn’t fit into the grand scheme of things…
I know who I am and what I do and what I feel; I know my limitations and I I know what extents I will go to do things that I want, or what I deem to be important or “worth it.” There are times when I do is questionable, but when it comes down to it, I am true to myself and another person made me think of that. I know when I’m thought of poorly, I know when I get a dirty look (because I see it and I feel it), so it’s not unrealistic or immature to react negatively, or in my case “accept” what the reality is.
I just think there are a lot of people that don’t see things thought my eyes or through the situations that I’ve lived, and for that I respect their ignorance, but really.. 365 days a year of being on the defensive is tired, and there are moments when I’m weak and let things get to me. I shouldn’t let it, but it does.
There was a moment today when I had a conversation with a pathetically positive person (to whom I can’t relate very little…) ; it was discouraging and odd all at the same time. When someone knows the reality, and knows the situation, they are more apt to make a judgement, but when it comes to me they are often wrong.
Where am I going with this? It’s simple… A moment occurs and we realist something and it affects our mood and we get into a “rut..” As awesome and fabulous that I am, I’m the one to go home myself and daydream about the world and how it would be if things were different for me; if I were normal, or I were in some way able to relate to people.
I am, after all, the one with the imagination to “get me through the day” and to not have a mental breakdown. Although I want to have several, I keep it together, and it’s me and me alone. I don’t count the extra pillow to which I cuddle, because realistically if I were to count that, it would make it more valid, when rally it’s just my situation.
With something to think about and to reflect upon, this is me signing off.