St. Patricks Day, one year ago

I can’t help but reminisce about certain things that happen in certain situations that are completely outside the norm. It was approximately one year ago that I spent an evening out with my cousin Diane and her equally fabulous friends of varying genders and origins. We went out for the evening, which I believe was in and around St. Patrick’s day because I remember there being lots of green.

What makes the evening even more green with envy was the fact that I was drinking. Yes you can hold your shock and stupefied selves to recover after that one, but it’s true. It was a colder evening (very unlike the 20C weather we are having here right now) and it was where I met a couple guys that were mutual friends of my cousin’s friend of a friend (confusing yes). They were small town folk, with small town views, so needless to say I busted them right out of that real quick, but what happened was something even more out of the ordinary for me.

Upon returning home for the evening, there was an after party on the floor above my cousin’s flat. There was some talk about it, and I’m not one for such things but the two painfully heterosexual men that were there decided that they would go up. I threw caution into the wind and warned my cousins friends that if I didn’t come back in 20 minutes, that they should come looking for me because I could be being beaten up or raped, or a combination of both, or just accosted.

I went up, and it was the most odd scene I had ever seen. I saw a bunch of slutty girls walking around trying to hook up with guys that couldn’t stand up (let alone get it up), and there were a bunch of wated guys sitting on couches or on the floor. I had to step over a few people, and being the painfully awkward person that I am, I approached a random person and began talking to them.

What is the lesson here? Awkwardness is painful, but when the other party is too drunk to figure out what’s going on it’s not so bad! Surely it’s how many friendships or acquaintances blossom. Needless to say the guy lost interest in me pretty quickly and needed to go to the bathroom. I beat my personal best of talking to strangers, and since I hadn’t passed the 20 minute threshold I figured I’d give it a go again. This time the other person was even less respondent and thought I was a woman and proceeded to attempt to molest me. I can say with great vigour, that despite my normal questionable attire, this evening I was wearing something completely suitable and male-gendered.

After professing that I wasn’t a chick, another girl saw what was going on and then started calling this guy a gay. I laughed and slipped out at that point before he could turn around to find me there, innocent as always with no intent beyond broadening my social horizons.

I went back downstairs, unharmed, and successfully and gracefully may I add, crashed an (after)party for the first time in my life. I like to think that their IQs were graced with my presence, and my softness faded onto them, but that would be too optimistic. They probably don’t even remember me there; it’s just as well.

I proceeded back to the apartment where I got into my PJs and was brushing my hair and teeth, when the other two small town boys arrived back wondering where they were going to sleep. There were matresses already on the floor ready for them, and after having announced that the princess without the pea was entitled to the sofa, there was some debate and I agreed to let one of them sit on the sofa whilst we talked for a bit. We did and said person began to fall asleep.

I warned him that I would eventually go to sleep and that he should take up comfortability elsewhere or risk my night talking and/or moving around. He seemed unfazed and I smiled inside thinking “Oh I blew one of their minds and they are actually tolerant enough to sit on the same sofa as me – golly gee I’m so happy.”

I woke up to go for sushi, and as it turns out said boy ended up going out to the car where he slept. I guess he started to panic when he saw me wrap myself in the comforters within 1m radius of his presence. Needless to say I wouldn’t have done anything except maybe kick him, but it was a bit alarming and hurting to think that I would do something inappropriate or something that would have made him uncomfortable. After all, it was he who took my predetermined and preclaimed spot!

What’s the lesson here folks? Maybe the socially awkward people should stay at home and not freak out the townsfolk!

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