The awkward post-zoo day aka ‘writeoff day’

So back to the real story… I had just been awake so rudely from my slumber of absolute exhaustion by none other than the zoo-keeper. Small talk for a few moments ensued, and frankly I don’t remember much of it, but it became quite obvious that I was too tired to carry on a serious conversation so we arranged that we would meet up later in the week before I returned to the civilization that one refers to as Kanukland. I was happy with this, because I fell asleep and didn’t arise until well past noon the following morning. No I shit you not. Thankfully at this point I was upgraded from the uncomfortable couch, to the inflatable mattress that was raised off the floor and made me less paranoid about the potential rodents hovering around me.

This day was a complete writeoff, but in order to make myself feel less like the sloths that I had seen the previous day, I embarked on a trip to the market to get some food, and then to go fooding at a resteraunt that was middle eastern. I was craving tajines; you know those funky things with the things inside them and the olive and lemon things?! Google it! They are fab! In any case, I went the resteraunt which turned out to be BYOB. Now this made me laugh, because for one I didn’t have a bottle, but more importantly because I had never heard of a BYOB restaurant. I laughed, and the middle eastern server gave me hassle for being a ‘single’ and whatever, but I had my eBook reader, my music and intent in hand to have a good meal. I did, though it was a disappointing tajine to say the least. The olives were fake, there wasn’t much chicken, and there wasn’t hardly any sauce. Plus it ended up being overpriced at approx 30USD for the whole meal; but at least I had some food in me.

My host convinced me to join him on to the gaybourhood again for a comedy show by some locals. Now this was the highlight of my day for several reasons. First of all we were in a gay bar, and the majority of people there (especially the comedians) were most certainly straight. How could on tell? Well for starters they were all overweight (ha!) and they dressed like they just woke up out of bed, and then they started to unleash their “jokes” and it was painfully clear. Nearly every joke or story consisted of ‘your mom’ or some random story about a ‘chick not putting out’ for _____ (insert infinite reasons here). The list was endless, and highlights include “because I have too many pubes” … “because I’m too fat and they are afraid to be squished” … “because I can’t seem to get it up when I have a little to drink”.

The show was so horrible that I had to get myself a drink (or 10) in order to find this remotely funny. A group of girls arrived, three in total, and suddenly all the jokes were aimed at them because the guys were clearly desperate and looking to hook up. Now this is the part that amused me the most; the chase. The pathetic and hilarious chase. The guys would do just about anything to get the attention of the girls, who clearly wanted nothing to do with them and were only out for a good time. They threw themselves at the girls, and the girls shot them down one by one. It was so funny to see, and then watch them continuously self-deficate themselves on stage. Thankfully there was a recording (which I’ll request) so that I can relive the horribly funny moments. The only comedian that was good was the Asian guy named “Ken Hong” who made fun of himself for being Asian. Why was it funny? I don’t know, but it was painfully more amusing than watching other humans make fun of themselves. One guy even only had horse jokes for the “horse appreciate week” celebration or something – I have no idea!

Lucky for me, I’m what one can call a “lightweight” or more commonly known as the “cheap date” and so the one very lightly alcoholic drink was sufficient in making me feel a little bit tipsy. I managed to only really talk to the people at the bar because I’m painfully shy and awkward, and then I decided to walk home early in an attempt at not being attacked in a random unsafe city at night. I made it home and chilled with the roommate some more.

I fell asleep no problems, but was rudely awoken by the sex-noises. Now don’t get me wrong, I went to university, lived in residence, had constant irritating encounters with the awkward house-mates that were ashamed to have hooked up with randoms, and I always remained sane. I even lived with 5 other people in a house with paper thin walls and managed to walk away unscathed by the dirty and disgusting antics such as this, but even three rooms away and the windows to their room closed, I still managed to comprehend every single noise and movement they have. I felt myself throwing up a little in my bed, and no amount of pillows could suppress what I was hearing. It put in my earphones and fell asleep to lovely music that did NOT sound like people having sex.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of bodily fluids seeping through the house because doors were left open and I guess scents travel well in that apartment? Again I felt vomit appear in my throat. On a happier note, zookeeper called again and I was sane enough to have a conversation and we agreed that we would meet up to walk around and do some shopping before I met another friend who was coming into Philly to pay me a visit.

To sum it up, it rained while we were walking around and since it was so humid and hot sunny I didn’t have any change of clothes, so we basically walked around soaking wet for a long time looking for some stuff. I ended up buying something from Swarovski Crystal, stocking up on some awesome Body Shop stuff for my friends and family (who can go wrong with 3 items for 30$?! — I saved 60$ alone on this deal!), and then some more miscellaneous touristy things like post cards and whatever. We both agreed that good times were spent, despite being soaking wet, which oddly created a fun ambiance, especially since I was spending time with a complete stranger… We parted our ways after a nice long chat, and agreed that we would stay in touch. To this day, a few weeks later, not a single day has gone by without me getting an sms… lol — I’m feeling very “uh oh-ish” right now… I swear, I didn’t do anything!

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