So I’ve come to some very serious realisations in the recent days. I never realised how difficult it is to be me. I find myself constantly tired, constantly spending energy on things where I shouldn’t. What does this mean, and in what ways am I expending copious amounts of energy? Well for starters it feels like I’m forever fighting against something. Whether it be mentally or physically it’s always an uphill struggle for me in every way.
I’m not saying that others have it easier, but by the way it seems in my perception, a lot of people don’t seem to be constantly having a battle against others or with themselves. What does this say about me, in truth? I think it says a lot, but there isn’t really much that I can do about it. The insight that I’ve gained in the past days leads me to some interesting things to think about. What better than to isolate myself and think about them truly. But what’s the catch. As we are well aware, the more I isolate myself or be alone, the worse things get, and the more serious and drastic my thought process and physical manifestations become.
But seriously, all this constant fatigue is just bothering me. I can’t manage to have enough energy to do anything more than a sloth, and what does this do? It simply has a negative impact on the rest of my life and of my actions. I feel useless as if I can’t do anything, and it’s not like I’m starving myself as I’ve done in the past. I’m actually eating healthily, and I’m still tired after sleeping 8hrs in one evening. It’s just so exhausting having to haul my fat ass out of bed every morning to go into a job that I so clearly am unhappy with.
It’s all just so draining, and I’m hoping for some relief at all, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to get any. Won’t somebody please come to my aid?