Vad händer den här veckan!? Här kommer Gävle och Melodifestivalen Deltävling 4 med åtta nya bildrager!
Magnus Uggla – För kung och fosterland
I honestly thought this was a joke when it came onto the stage. Like seriously? I’m really having difficulties describing what the hell was going on, with a little odd man who is very odd singing an odd song with an odd cosutume. Come on Sweden, you can do better than this! However, despite this it was an alright song, but god forbid he ever gets past Andra Chansen; if so, then the world will end.
Emilé Azar – Vi hade nåt
Kan vi säga jätte-Westlife? Men han kommer ifrån Gävle, så alla gillar honom, sorta. I won’t be surprised if he will be in trouble for stealing the chorus from Westlife, but whatever; he’s the home-town-sorta favourite-nobody who looks like a woman gone wrong who sings half decently. He looks terribly awkward on stage, and between the work done on his eyebrows (comparable to Mihai and Fabrizzio) and the amount of make-up on him, he looks like a cross between a man and a woman, of Lebanese descent. Get your singers to dance, and move around a little, and wear less make-up next time (that will never happen).
Sanna Neilsen – Vågar du, vågar jag
Heja schlagerfesten! Sanna, när jag lyssner på dig; det är underbart! You’re cute, but you’re from Skåne. I’m not hatin’, just I can’t understand a word ya’ll say when you talk normally. Anyways, who loves a shlager, I love a schlager! And when you risk it like that (haha pun), you’ll come out on top! And Toppan är dig. All you need is to up the goodlooks on the background dancers and you’re a shoe in, in my heart! Giv’r!
Caroline af Ugglas – Tror på dig
När du sjunger, det är liksom du dödar… Seriously, as good as your song is, your voice is like a nail on scratchboard and like your vocal cords are going to break like the strings of a harp do. Maybe after you have your baby (which isn’t Jimmy’s), you will get better? But also, comment about your facial expressions and such. Do you realize how difficult it is to take a screenshot that’s decent of your performance? You either look like you’re dying (again), or like a hobbit at every moment. Not flattering at all!
After Dark – (Åh) När vi tar saken i egna hander
Varför inte Sverige? Varför inte? When I heard After Dark would be in Melodifestivalen this year, I knew that I would be happy because besides the fact that I love them (and him / she / it or whatever), I just like to see you preform. La Dolce Vida, Alla Har Önt? I’ve never laughed so much in my life, and I was in stiches during your song. Alla barnen kom och sitta framma tv, här kommer transvestit som är en man, men klädd som kvinna, men sjunger som en män; oj! Jag tycker att du var bäst i anna fall. Who can say no to transvestite named Christer who sings a children’s song and does a strip show on stage? Well, I’m sold but sadly the rest of Sweden isn’t. Can we blame this on the widespreadness of homosexuality and it’s acceptance? Maybe they just aren’t shocked and amused as much as me; therefore I must become more Swedish and embrace seeing cross-dressors onstage performing, and sexual acts being performed on the benches of public spaces.
Sarah Dawn Finer – I remember love
I hate ballads, just in general, unless it’s sung by Chiara or some random other person. You’re far too American (sorta) and therefore I am hatin’ you. You sing well, but were off key during some part of it (which I don’t remember, but I remember cringing); but god save us if you win, god save us. I will go off and shake my head now in shame.
Verona – La musica
Uhmm, jag har ingenting att säga. No seriously. I really don’t have anything to say. So instead I will comment about how difficult it is to get a decent videocap of you. Only when you stand still and are posing are you worth seeing, becasue other wise you look fake and are singing some weird song whilst wearing yellow with blonde hair. Someone clearly didn’t attend fashion school, it’s like mixing black and brown, a cardinal sin.
Andreas Johnson – A little bit of love
You don’t fool me, I’m not caught up in Andreas’ whilwind of popularity. It’s impossible to deny that Sing for Me, wasn’t good, that’s true. But this song lacked umph in all aspects and despite it being no surprise that you’re going to Globen, I still pray for a schlager to represent. I can only hope. Anyways, you standing in the crowd was a good ploy, then being interactive, and then signing a song and wearing tons of make-up; very out of character you bad boy. And leather? What’s up with that? I hope that it was as uncomfortable as it looks, and I mean that in the very nicest of ways.
But now the most important part…
This is my ode to you my God of Melodifestivalen, and no I’m not talking about Måns. I’ve already given him a big enough ego. I’m talking about my real god, Henrik Wikström, who writes songs that are just amazing. Besides writing/arranging After Dark, Cosmo4, and Måns and countless other amazing songs I have to take a moment to express my profound love for your music. Also I think I’ve been the one helping the hits of your performance as “Avengers” in Stockholm 2000, as I’m probably the only one watching the song “När filmen är slut.” Anyways, you are so amazing I wish that I could meet you and wish you best wishes and all that jazz, but unfortunately I’m in Strasbourg, and you will be in Globen in Stockholm and unavailable for conversation / autograph / friendlyness etc etc. I hope that you never stop, so when I live in Sweden I can stalk you and become your friend, sorta like I indirectly became the fan of Mads Vangsø last year. Anyways, I will keep my fingers crossed because you rock. But I will compare first; you are a writer like Bobby Ljunggren and Thomas G:son, but you look a million times better than both of them! Now I need to find a way to marry both you and Måns and somehow adopt both of your names into one and have some sort of life where I can have the best of both worlds? I’m joking, but only half-jokin
g.. seriously! I can see it now, my surname becoming Zelmerlöw-Wikström, but where will I shove the rest? Hmmmm, time will tell.
Any suggestions or help? Comment!