Mid-Week Mental Breakdowns

Last few days have been a bit stressful only because of my stupid coursload which is horrible on Monday & Tuesday. On Monday classes were annoying as usual, but afterwards it was okay because I went out with Birahim my conversation partner and had a nice couple hours of talking completley in French. It was a struggle at first just because I wasn’t sure what to say but after a few minutes it turned out to be a-okay. He’s from Dakar, Senegal and he’s really polite, almost too polite. He let about 10 people go infront of us in line recharging our meal cards, which was polite but only slightly annoying but eventually we got all of that done and started to eat. We agreed that for the next few weeks we would meet for 1 hour and speak half in English half in French, and then after a little bit we will go to do 2 hours a week one of each language.

His French is very accented with a clear and distinct African dialect, but his grammar and comprehension is unbelievable and could even find ways to correct what I say. That’s the agreement, we will correct each other’s grammar in hopes to help each other learn more. I learned lots of words and new ways to say things but mostly it was just silly mistakes. I find that if I talk a little bit slower than I have been, it’s more easy to understand and everything that comes out is a little more comprehendable. If only I could get the people downstairs to understand when I say “R” so I can get my mail promptly.

Speaking of mail, does anyone think that I will be getting a package from Helsinki soon or, are we still waiting on that? 😉

Classes on Tuesday were fine, but I managed to get through 10 hours of them by eating lots of chocholate and bananas during class. I’m glad that we have an interesting teacher for Philosophy to end off the day, but especially I loved European Institutions as the people in the class are nice and he’s really easy to understand, being foreign himself. Our litterature professor is driving me crazy since she can’t seem to use simple words which any of us can understand; even Ginette the francophone had no idea what she was talking about at one point.

In terms of today, I decided to be a hermet and completely avoid everyone in every way shape and form simply because I was sick of them. I am feeling very used and unappreciated right now, especially regarding the Thanksgiving dinner situation. Everyone just expects me to do everything and then they never get back to me, or they use me to do other things, or only talk to me when they need something. Well obviously I notice, and I’m not going to stand for it anymore since I’m more important than that. So after completely not talking since about 19.00 last night, until about now I continue to avoid everyone, calls, sms’s and everything. Even people knocking at my door I am ignoring. Maybe it will send the message that I’m not exactly happy with the situation.

So why do I feel like this? Well it really just hit me while I was in philosophy while the sexy voice of the professor was going on about Descartes, I spaced out and then suddenly realized how much I was used or faked to. Why would people fake being nice to me, other than to use me for something! So I’m not going to stand for it anymore! Am I going to Lyon this weekend with Nic and Ginette? Probably not simply because I have a gut feeling that Nic is only being nice to me because he pitties me for being socially awkward and shy. Well fuck him, temporarily, especially for not even saying hi to me when I said hi to him. Clearly I’ve fucked up or something, and he’s so full of shit anyways. He’s always saying ‘Oh I hardly drink and go out’ and yet he’s been bragging about going out every night for the last few weeks. It’s easier just to be honest about it all, as obviously lying is a point of contention with me at this point, especially when I’m trying not to persue this friendship henceforth. I’m going Finnish on his and everyone else’s ass; cold and frigid. Deal with it, cause it’s not changing, and I’m remaining a hermit.

Also why am I pissed off? Well they booked Paris and Disneyland and all that rubbish, but obviously once again without me. It’s really starting to get to me and piss me off, especially the Greece, Turkey, Normandie things. So what can I say? Fuck them, and I’m doing my own shit, and if anyone asks to come with me it’s a big fat no, because I’m going to do just what they do to me; be uninclusive. Get over yourselves people, grow up and then you’ll see how the world works. I’m perfectly capiable of doing things independantly, so meh.

Speak of all this, I have holidays for a week in the last week of October, I’m debating whether to go to Helsinki, Budapest, or Berlin possibly. A nice friendly person has offered their kindness for staying for awhile, which I will consider, but also I was offered some days in Lyon which I could also consider. I think it might be more worthwhile to go elsewhere, but I have to look into travel plans and such, the only problem being getting to airports and such since Strasbourg Airport is small and not very international. If I go to Helsinki then I have to look at bus schedules to maybe make a visit to Rauma and spend some time exploring rural Finland with Tommy ;). Yes Robert, be jelous, oh so jelous!!

And on top of that I want to go somewhere the weekend of November 11th, so most likely Netherlands. I’m going to ask Johan if I can stay with him, since he’s cool, but there are other options for people there too. I can get their by train as well so it’s not such a big deal for me. I just want to get things a little bit more firm in the coming weeks just so I can brag to everyone that I’m going to better places and spending less money. Take that stupid Canadians who are rude! Okay okay I don’t have sour grapes, I’m just very irritated.

Apart from that I’m going to bed now since I’m exhausted, and tomorrow I am going to get my Carte 12/25 assuming that I get out of class at a reasonable hour. Conversation class also begins tomorrow *gags self* but it looks like I’m going anywhere this weekend so I won’t bother to plan anything. I can always get started on my ‘Synthèses’ so that I can hand them all in before the holidays to lovely Mme. Sauvagé.

À Demain!

2 comments

  1. Well well… what can I say to calm you down? Many people have Ianus-faces, but you just have to avoid them somehow, and find friends who are really interested in you. I know it sounds very easy but doing it is a different thing. I have that problem too but I’m working on it. I think putting yourself into a quaranteen won’t do you good apart from thinking the whole situation over. Go and meet new people, not you really have the opportunity! And tell me if I sounded so much similar to your parents! :-)))

    1. Nah, not like my parents, but I already know that which you speak.. However meeting ‘new’ people isn’t easy for me at all, even in my native tounge. It’s even more difficult in a forein place where they hate foreigners and things like that are difficult. Sure it’s okay to meet the people in my classes, but they are all lingusitically challenged, so it’s difficult 😛

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