Oh anger…

So right now is probably not the best time for me to be writing about my so called ‘life’ because I’m quite enraged. To be honest, I don’t get upset easily, but after tonight’s events, not only am I upset but I’m madder than I have ever been before (including at myself). How can people sink so low, that they are pressured into doing things that are morally, and just plain stupid.

House Executive ‘Initiation’ was tonight while I was at a French play, and quite frankly; I come home to a house in dismay, and people so sick that it would be mistaken for an American frat house (with girls living there). Three members of the executive next year were pressured into getting drunk for the first time to a point where two were sent to the hospital; and the worst part, is they dont even drink! They were pressured into it, as the old exec. cited ‘honour’ or ‘duty’. I have never heard more stupid stuff in my life!

I wanted to go to bed at 22.00, but it’s 23.21 and it’s sooo not going to happen anytime soon because it’s so loud. I am just so sick of there being so much pressure on everyone that it breaks down their morals and ethics. I have half a mind to go to the Dean of Students on Monday to report so many illegial things that have gone on! I could not only get 5 people expelled, but another 10 or so in so much trouble, that they would never do something without thinking again.

I just can’t begin to comprehend how people can be so stupid! I’m only barely 20 years old and I feel like thirty years older than all the people here, just because of the way I act. Sure I’m laid back, and sometimes opinionated, but look at the way I act? It’s respectable, and I respect others and their views. If I ever have someone say to me “I think it’s noble that you don’t drink” ever again, I swear I will take my “Make Poverty History” bracelet off and strangle them with it (and for the record NO I don’t have anger issues!! Just I’m really upset right now).

It may sound like I have the desire to kill some people, but really I don’t! I totally respect people who do stupid things like get drunk off their faces, I don’t agree with it, but I don’t dis-associate them for it.. And what do I get in response? Dis-association for NOT doing it. Sounds like a double standard to me, in which results in me, and my life suffering because everyone else is too wrapped-up in themselves. I can just imagine me 5 years from now and saying to myself “Wow I regret a lot” because I do! I wish I could go back and live my life again over, and it would be so different because I wouldn’t allow myself to be put into situations where I am taken advantage of!

Golly I’m so mad right now, and I’m just rambeling like always, but it’s better that I at least get it out before I explode and really do something I would regret, and be a hypocrite. Anyways bottom line: I’m not impressed with people right now, no more like the human race in general.

On a happier note, I ran in to my M.H.C. today in meal hall (obviously) while we were getting soup! How kind is it for someone to take the cracker jar and put it in front of me saying “Here you go” after I appologize for arriving at the soup dish at same time trying to get crackers.. So polite and kind; too bad I’ve got no chance, and shouldn’t bother, considering I leave in 20 days and won’t be back for another 2 years (thank golly!).

I get attached too easily anyways, and infatuated to a point where it consumes me (not really) but makes me paranoid about everything I do or say.. I mean, I struggle enough with oral expression, but being exposed to precarious situations where I am very shy in, just doesn’t help, and makes me feel worst about myself. I need to feel positive and happy about life, instead of “Oh golly I wish I could do that again” or “I regret…[Insert event here]…”

It all stems out of competitive tennis I think.. Something that I love more than anything, than life itself can make me so upset and depressed for such a long time. It’s such a doube edged sword, or whatever the idiom is called. If I could only go back and be borned with different parents, who actually cared about something that I liked or something. Funny when your parents don’t even know your birthday, or favourite colour is, or favourite food. Mine didn’t even know that I was half-vegetarian until they realized I didn’t eat half the food they served, even though I told them about 200 times beforehand. Not only am I ignored by my family, but ignored by society! How horrible!

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